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  1. #11
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    i can't believe people will excuse dangerous, malicious behaviour as being normal, expected behaviour from a mil to dil.

    DotF - obviously i know a lot more of the back story that you've posted on bubhub (or facebook for that matter).

    Stand up for yourself. you've been letting her manipulate the situations since your DD1 was born. [as evidenced by the threads on bh]
    this isn't a case of being old fashioned, or not knowing the current regulations. she choose to ignore your requests, and the requests of your DOCTOR. she is ignoring medical advice. - and i know she's been at the hospital when they stressed the sids risk to your DD2.
    i am GOBSMACKEd, absolutely gobsmacked that people will excuse this behaviour.
    your baby could have DIED. its not a 'little issue'.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gandalf View Post
    i can't believe people will excuse dangerous, malicious behaviour as being normal, expected behaviour from a mil to dil.

    DotF - obviously i know a lot more of the back story that you've posted on bubhub (or facebook for that matter).

    Stand up for yourself. you've been letting her manipulate the situations since your DD1 was born. [as evidenced by the threads on bh]
    this isn't a case of being old fashioned, or not knowing the current regulations. she choose to ignore your requests, and the requests of your DOCTOR. she is ignoring medical advice. - and i know she's been at the hospital when they stressed the sids risk to your DD2.
    i am GOBSMACKEd, absolutely gobsmacked that people will excuse this behaviour.
    your baby could have DIED. its not a 'little issue'.
    Yes, well to be fair perhaps not all of us knew of this entire back story, particularly the part about MIL already being aware of the dangers and being included in discussions at the hospital previously.

    I wasn't aware I should search for an OP's previous posting history before offering an opinion. Noted for next time.

    I'd say it's safe to assume that a lot of people would probably change their opinion if they were aware there was a pattern of dangerous and reckless decisions made by the MIL. Obviously there are some situtations which occur in families that unfortunately warrant a relationship being ceased.

    You can probably understand why posters who are taking the OP at face value, not knowing an entire backstory, would vote for mediation and perhaps reconciliation if they believed this was just a first instance, perhaps fuelled by ignorance and arrogance. If the MIL has a longstanding pattern of emotionally abusive behaviour toward the DIL then it's a different kettle of fish isn't it.

    And I don't think anyone is suggestion that this is a 'little issue' are they? Every comment has suggested it's indeed a very serious issue.
    Last edited by WineTime; 24-06-2012 at 23:55.

  4. #13
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    wow some of these responses are harsh. am i the only one who actually see's the seriousness behind this. op said she has tried to get her mil to respect her wishes regarding her chils safety and on many accounts has the mil disregarded them and done as she pleases.
    this is just as serious as someone assulting her child IMO and should be dealt with in a similar way.
    her mil is endangering her gchilds life by not taking the proper precautionsand
    going against sids guide and the childs mothers wishes.

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  6. #14
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    I wouldn't cut someone out for this I would just not allow her to have them over night till they are older.

    My mil also does not respect my wishes regarding my kids. She won't put a fire gard around her fire, she won't respect that we co sleep and don't leave babies/toddlers to cry to sleep. She put my son in a bunk bed with no rail against my wishes and he fell out and got an injury. She still thinks she is right and I am over protective however I just won't let her have the kids without one of us there until the kids are older.

    Despite all this my kids love mil and I know she cares about them she's just from a different generation.

    My father on the other hand is a heavy smoker, drinker and can be violent so he is not allowed to see our kids.
    Last edited by austmum; 25-06-2012 at 00:21.

  7. #15
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    My MIL is also deliberately defiant and finds it amusing.

    I refuse to let her watch our kids unsupervised, but could never cut her out.

    In your case I'd never leave my kids there again until they're old enough to be entirely self sufficient and make no effort to see her as she's a rude b****.

  8. #16
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    I would not cut a grandparent out for the examples you have given but I would be having a serious talk with her, with your DH present, about the need for her to follow your requests when it involves medical or safety issues.

    I agree that your talking about it on Facebook really was not warranted and combined with the pillow incident it may result in your relationship with your MIL never being repaired. Even if this is the case the children still have a right to know, and spend time with their grandmother, but perhaps only during the day and for a while at least with someone you trust present.

  9. #17
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    DaughteroftheForest is offline Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve
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    Quote Originally Posted by WineTime View Post

    You can probably understand why posters who are taking the OP at face value, not knowing an entire backstory, would vote for mediation and perhaps reconciliation if they believed this was just a first instance, perhaps fuelled by ignorance and arrogance. If the MIL has a longstanding pattern of emotionally abusive behaviour toward the DIL then it's a different kettle of fish isn't it.

    .
    I probably should have been clearer on this point. There is a long history of her ignoring our wishes when comes to the kids, especially over safety issues. Tbh I think it goes beyond a generation difference and into actual pathology. She had her first baby die from an infection at 7 weeks old. I'm starting to think that on some level she thinks that if she does unsafe things with my children then it proves to her that she wasn't the cause if that makes sense. Either way, I'm not ok with her behaviour and have put up with a lot in the past to ensure she maintains a good relationship with the kids. But after living under her roof....quite frankly of a similar situation ever came up again I would move into a caravan park, even a cardboard box rather than live with her again. The fact that I put up with her for three months is a true testament to how much I love my children.

    I would definitely class her behaviour towards me as emotional abuse. She is constantly making passive aggressive and belittling remarks to me, or about me. She once told a girl in her employ that she should abort the baby she had just found out she was pregnant with or she could end up like me, then retold me the story word for word. While we lived together she would go so far as to manipulate situations so she could put me down. She once asked me to do a load of washing in the machine that she knew to be broken. I spent the whole day wrestling with it to get one load done, when it wasn't completed by the time she got home I was treated to a tirade about my laziness and lack of motivation. She would go on and on about the housework, which it being her house was fair enough, but the first time DP and I spent the entire day cleaning the house from top to bottom the first thing she said when she walked in the door was "oh...how much time did you spend with the kids today?". She told me on several occasions that me and my family were the cause of the break up between DP and I. Of course it had nothing to do with him being a controlling, abusive addict for much of our relationship (behaviour he has since worked extremely hard on to modify). If I slept for more than four hours a night than I was lazy and selfish for not being up getting the housework over with before the kids woke up so I could spend more one on one time with them. I'm very frugal when it comes to spending money on myself, but when my mothers group got together and sent me $100 that I was specifically told to spend on just me I went out and got my nails done, something small and silly really but it made me feel better about myself, until I came home and got told by MIL " why did you bother getting those done, it's not like you go out and anyone ever sees what you look like. Harharhar."
    I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. Despite all of this, I don't actually want to cut her out of the kids lives, as I've said previously. I must want to figure out the best arrangement where the kids and I don't have to spend ANY time alone with her.
    Last edited by DaughteroftheForest; 25-06-2012 at 01:14.

  10. #18
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    I wouldnt leave my children with someone who deliberately risk their lives by not following safety guidelines.
    It doesnt matter what relation they were to us.
    Id allow supervised visits, to keep the peace, but never and overnight, or even a few hours unspervised

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  12. #19
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    I wouldn't leave my 6 month old anywhere overnight unless I absolutely had to. In your case I'd sent the older two to her as they seem to like the grandma in spite of the cow she is being to u.

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  14. #20
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    Yes I would and have, just because people are related by blood dose not give them any right to see their grand kids if they are not 100% trust worthy.

    If I were you I would have driven over there and got the kids.

    After everything you have been through how dare she! I find it really disgusting and sick that she would lie to you over and over about something that was so easy for her to fix just because she thought she was right.
    I think you are doing the right thing with cutting back how much they see her and I would not be letting them stay with her till they are old enough to keep them selfs safe as she obviously has NO idea!

    I wouldn't go on FB about it again BUT I totally get how frustrated you were and why you did it.

    I'm really surprised at some of the responses you have got on here. Even without all the medical problems who would leave their children with someone who lies about their childs care? Over and over again! It's just so wrong! Makes me wonder what else she has lied about!

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