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  1. #21
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    I have been there done that,except it was ME refusing to see DH's family.
    I still do sometimes,just go out to the gym when they vist EVERY sunday
    Sometimes ppl just do not get along!! Your DH sounds cool,and my DH doesnt care that I dont always wanna hang with his fam
    Honestly,just tell them the truth.Everyone doesnt have to love each other...as long as the kids arent missing out I dont see the prob?

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    OJandMe  (24-06-2012)

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    my inlaws are challenging and occasionally disrespectful (my mil expressed her discomfort with me breast feeding openly and often... it was an interesting 38 months)

    my df though also finds my mum difficult and I've tried to talk to my mum about it and she (like my inlaws) don't get its not their job to supervise us raising THEIR grandchildren.

    so.... my df could always see his family, but he could go to their place. he could take jasper. but I didnt need to see them all the time. and I try to organise my mum to come and see me when df is out or busy.

    it works for us

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  5. #23
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    Sounds like you and DH are on the same page and you respect his decision.

    On the family front, I don't know how involved in your life or how often you see them. I would be somewhat honest if they asked why he doesn't come round and say he doesn't want to. If they push I'd say he doesn't feel comfortable and acknowledge the clash of personalities without making a big deal out of it.

    In saying that, to "loathe" someone's family is a bit dramatic and to flat out refuse to ever see them is a bit OTT. I think there's some occasions like weddings, funerals, Christmas lunch, kids birthdays etc where you have to take one for the team and grin and bear it in support of your partner and kids.

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    OJandMe  (24-06-2012)

  7. #24
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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    That's how I feel Mmelissa-

    I don't expect him to see them... but there are going to be SOME occasions where I think he should just suck it up...

    It's not like he has to talk to them... and if they are rude I can say.. THIS is why DH doesn't ever want to see you, we're going home.

    But you know... the day may come when they don't do it... and on that one day it would be nice to all be together.

  8. #25
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    This sounds kinda like my friends situation... Her parents were pretty horrible to her DH over the years, he wasn't good enough etc. nothing much has ever been said outright for a long time, but everyone knows it's not all hunky dorey...
    My friend just gives him his space, doesn't force him, and when she is quizzed on his absence, she just says he likes his space, 'oh you know DH, he's just like that' etc, and she says how he does the same with his own family etc (tho he doesn't really). they are together 25 years now and in the last 5 or so he will turn up to 'occasions' for a while, and then spilt.
    She basically just glossed it all over, every time, and eventually her DH's feelings died down enough for him to be able to tolerate then and feel comfortable around them for a while.

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  10. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by OJandMe View Post
    That's how I feel Mmelissa-

    I don't expect him to see them... but there are going to be SOME occasions where I think he should just suck it up...

    It's not like he has to talk to them... and if they are rude I can say.. THIS is why DH doesn't ever want to see you, we're going home.

    But you know... the day may come when they don't do it... and on that one day it would be nice to all be together.
    well yeah - I agree. on occasions it's part of being an adult.

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  11. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsTiggyWinkle View Post
    This sounds kinda like my friends situation... Her parents were pretty horrible to her DH over the years, he wasn't good enough etc. nothing much has ever been said outright for a long time, but everyone knows it's not all hunky dorey...
    My friend just gives him his space, doesn't force him, and when she is quizzed on his absence, she just says he likes his space, 'oh you know DH, he's just like that' etc, and she says how he does the same with his own family etc (tho he doesn't really). they are together 25 years now and in the last 5 or so he will turn up to 'occasions' for a while, and then spilt.
    She basically just glossed it all over, every time, and eventually her DH's feelings died down enough for him to be able to tolerate then and feel comfortable around them for a while.
    That's what I'm hoping... that in a few years time it will die down to the point he can tolerate them....


 

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