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  1. #1
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    Default How to get 'me' time when you live with your partner?

    My partner will be moving in with me and my son next week....and whilst it's extremely exciting, it's also a massive step for me, as I've never lived with anyone before (apart from my son).

    I've always been a solitary person, and crave alone time, and i'm used to being able to have that time to myself. How do you manage this when you have a partner living with you?

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    I think it's important to be upfront with him about your need for space. What do you like to do with your 'me' time? Read? Watch a movie? Are these things you can do while both of you are in the house?

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    I'd also just talk to him about it. Like you have said on here, that you are really excited but it is a huge step for you and you might need to ease into it... Maybe be going out once a week and doing something just for yourself? Push him to get into an activity that takes him out of the house one night a week or something? Lol.

    My best friend and her partner recently dealt with this as one of their issues in counselling and things have improved for them a lot now that he is able to see when she is getting to that point and just needing some alone time.

    Hope it all goes well for you

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    I usually have school hours on Monday and Tuesday to myself as my partner will be at work and DD at school... and I don't go to college those days. When I don't get those though, I feel pretty irritated. I am not someone who needs ongoing social interaction and actually prefer a lot of time on my own...

    I generally go out somewhere or just go and be on my own. I think he gets a bit offended when I don't want to spend time with him... he seems to want to spend every spare minute of his free time with me but that's just not what I want or need. I often really enjoy grocery shopping for this reason - I'll usually leave DD with him and just go by myself. I always take longer than I need to... lol.

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    you have your life, he has his life and then you have the life you all share together.

    sheds are great escapes too

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    I'm someone who needs my solitude on a regular basis. I just explained to DP that at least once a week I need a good block of time to myself to recharge, so usually once a weekend he'll take DS out for the day. He also plays indoor soccer once a week which i highly encourage! He's an extrovert and it took him quite a while to 'get' why I need alone time, he used to get hurt that I didn't want to hang out with him, but he has come to realise I'm a far more pleasant person to be around when I've had some alone time!

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    I've just been through this exact problem, after about 6 months of living with DP. I was going absolutely crazy and not enjoying his company and presence or anything else at all! (I even started a BH thread about it :P)

    I think definitely be up front about it from the start, I know it made it worse that I let it get to the point where I was all "argh just leave me alone for a while!".
    I think it also helped that I sent him a few links from different websites, explaining introverted personality types, and how they have a need to be alone every now and then - that way he could see that it had nothing to do with him and I still loved him!

    If you're more concerned about the practicalities of getting alone time, I try and encourage him to go out with his friends or even just to his parents house for dinner every few weeks so I can have a night at home by myself. Or even little things like sending him out to do the grocery shopping or the gardening.

    It's been pretty hard at times to adjust, but we're getting there. So it is possible!

    Good luck!

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    I'm lucky here because my DF will quite often have DD's and tells me to do something. Whether that's just doing this grocery shopping on my own (bliss!), going clothes shopping or meeting a friend for lunch or a cuppa.
    DF has also booked me in to get my hair done a few times too.
    We both get our time together as a couple, as a family and our own time to ourselves. I think it can get suffocating if you don't have that.

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    Thanks for your replies! Very helpful. I also showed DP this thread and it really helped him understand that me needing space isn't anything to do with him, that it's just in my nature. Luckily he works nights so I'm still getting a bit of time to myself, it's keeping me sane

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    Glad he is so understanding and you are able to discuss of with him


 

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