Yes, because I want to
Yes, because I feel obligated to
No, because I dont want to
No, I am unable to (financially/poor relationship etc)
I currently have my mum living with me and DD and she's been here for almost 3 years. She moved in because she had a health crisis and I didn't actually give her a choice as I knew she wouldn't last long if she went back to living on her own. I'm a couple of weeks away from having baby no 2 and she has started talking about moving out and getting her own place again. I've told her it isn't necessary but she insists. It might not happen for several months though. There will always be room for her to move back in no questions but if her health deteriorated too much we have discussed putting her in a nursing home.
My dad yes I would help where I could I don't think I could have him live with us though in saying this I'd never see him homeless or anything that drastic.
I am lucky I have a few siblings and we would all band together to support mum and dad in whatever way they needed.
I wouldn't be so forthcoming with my inlaws, but am lucky as they live a few hours away and have a daughter who I imagine would look after them. With saying this, if I absolutely had to, then I would.
My dad, in a heartbeat! He has always been there for me no matter what! (young single dad who raised me from birth)
My mum, no way in hell! She is a lying, manipulating, two faced nasty who does nothing for me so why should I help her?
DF's mum, yes we help her whenever she needs it.
It depends on why I think.
My MIL doesn't budget and spends more than she earns on rubbish, she enables my SIL to stay at home not work and not help out around the house (she is 18). So it would be hard for me to help them as they don't help themselves! Don't get me wrong I care for them and wouldn't see them out in the street but I would want them to change eg SIL to help around house at least! And my MIL to cancel pay tv for example and cut up her credit cards.
We have a great relationship with both sets of our parents but we could never live with either set of them long term. My mum would drive both of us crazy and his parents would drive me crazy.
I would like to have my dad living in a flat or something attached to our home but he'd want his own space to potter around, DH could also manage with dad around as he likes to keep himself busy and couldn't just be around the house all day every day.
I have spoken to both sets of parents about what they want/expect to happen when they can no longer look after themselves and all have said that they'd want to be in an assisted care/living facility rather than have a family member have to provide high dependence care for them.
ETA - both sets of parents will not require any financial assistance or support so we do not have that to worry about.
Last edited by 2girls1boyplus1; 22-06-2012 at 21:04.
Doing it now for DP's parents. It's getting harder to do for us financially at the moment but it was a commitment we made to help them out :-)
I don't think I could. Although my mum has recently been diagnosed with dementia and my sisters and I have been doing everything we can to help her as my dad randomly retired and now doesn't want to look after her. They were silly with their money and refinanced their mortgage too many times without listening to anyone's advice. They now still have a large mortgage (for their age) but won't let us help them to become stable. Dad spends their money like its going to replicate overnight and mums living in her dilusional world of denial.
I don't think I could help them more until they help themselves, otherwise I'm wasting my time.
My parents? No way, no how.
In-laws? Without hesitation.
I would only consider helping my parents if:
- mum quit smoking
- they gave me full visibility of their finances so I could determine if budget changes could improve things (they are hopeless with money).
I have worked hard to get where I am and I am not going to have my family go without just because grown adults who should know better have been hopeless with money.
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