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  1. #11
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    Meh.

    Sure, there are increased risks that come with age, but young people can face the same issues too. To say someone shouldn't risk falling pregnant at an older age due to potential issues is the same as saying someone with a history of mental illness shouldn't, or someone who MAY give their child some sort of genetic problem.

    "It might happen because you're old," isn't something that's certain enough for me to not have babies at an older age if I wanted to... I'd just have to be aware of these increased risks and prepare myself for the fact that it might be more likely to happen than if I was younger.

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    ShanandBoc  (21-06-2012)

  3. #12
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    I'm the same age as your sister so my perspective might be different

    I am just putting a small person to bed, I'll come back

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    ShanandBoc  (21-06-2012)

  5. #13
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    We decided no, it wasn't. I'm 40 and hubby is 50. If we were to have a baby with special needs, it would be DD looking after her sibling for the majority of her life, not us and htat wouldn't be fair.

    We decided that we wouldn't terminate DD if anything medical showed up during the pregnancy, and this would be the same with any possible future baby.

    Different strokes for different folks though - if she wants a baby hopefully she gets her dream.

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    ShanandBoc  (21-06-2012)

  7. #14
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    My MIL is 45ish and had recently had a baby, her 8th to be exact or 7th still alive. A few hiccups with thretened pre term labour iaround 28weeks however overall a healthy pregnancy and beautiful baby girl.

    There are risks, absolutely but it is possible to have a healthy pregnancy at that age. It all depends on her body and just taking that little bit of extra care.

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    This topic is very pertinent to my husband and I at the moment. Firstly, I am 42 and my husband will Be 52 in November, so we are not young ones! Some of you may know that nearly 6 weeks ago, our beautiful little daughter Sian, died of what we believe was an asthma attack here at home. She was 5 years and 8 months old. We also have a gorgeous little boy Dane who is 20 months. Both our children were born with Special Needs: both Sian and Dane were born with PKU (a lifelong genetic dietary condition) and Sian was also diagnosed with Autism when she was 4 years old. In addition to the PKU and Autism, Sian had Anaphylaxis to egg, Hip Dysplasia, and severe Asthma. She was the most beautiful child ever, but it was very hard managing all her additional needs and so as much as I always wanted three children, I made the decision that we should stop at two and feel blessed with Sian and Dane.
    Now that our precious little girl has been taken away from us, we have decided to try for another baby. I have gone off the pill and have started back on the diet I used which I truly believe helped us conceive Dane. We have told none of our family or friends (except for my very closest friend) as we don't want anyone judging us and thinking that we're trying to replace Sian with another baby. No one will EVER EVER replace Sian. She was our world and we miss her more than words can ever express and our lives will never be the same again without her. But...we desperately want Dane to have a sibling to grow up with. He misses his sister so much even though he can't verbalise it. We see it in his face every time he sees her photo. We don't want him to grow up an only child - he needs and deserves company, and we would dearly love another baby to love and bring happiness into our lives and home. Because of our ages, we just can't afford to wait 12 months and that is why we're trying straight away. We are still suffering immense and overwhelming grief about Sian and part of me feels guilty for trying again so soon, but as I said, it's only because of our age that we're not waiting. We are very aware that as older parents, our chances of conceiving a child with Special Needs is high, but after losing Sian, I really don't think anything in our lives could be worse. If our angel decides to send us a baby brother or sister for Dane, and s/he does have additional needs, we will deal with that and love them regardless. Absolutely nothing could be worse than the pain we are going through at the moment and will continue to go through for a long while yet.
    I really hope that no-one on this forum will judge us badly for trying to have another baby so soon after losing our gorgeous girl. As I said, we will never replace Sian. Sorry for the very long post.

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  11. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by siansmum View Post
    This topic is very pertinent to my husband and I at the moment. Firstly, I am 42 and my husband will Be 52 in November, so we are not young ones! Some of you may know that nearly 6 weeks ago, our beautiful little daughter Sian, died of what we believe was an asthma attack here at home. She was 5 years and 8 months old. We also have a gorgeous little boy Dane who is 20 months. Both our children were born with Special Needs: both Sian and Dane were born with PKU (a lifelong genetic dietary condition) and Sian was also diagnosed with Autism when she was 4 years old. In addition to the PKU and Autism, Sian had Anaphylaxis to egg, Hip Dysplasia, and severe Asthma. She was the most beautiful child ever, but it was very hard managing all her additional needs and so as much as I always wanted three children, I made the decision that we should stop at two and feel blessed with Sian and Dane.
    Now that our precious little girl has been taken away from us, we have decided to try for another baby. I have gone off the pill and have started back on the diet I used which I truly believe helped us conceive Dane. We have told none of our family or friends (except for my very closest friend) as we don't want anyone judging us and thinking that we're trying to replace Sian with another baby. No one will EVER EVER replace Sian. She was our world and we miss her more than words can ever express and our lives will never be the same again without her. But...we desperately want Dane to have a sibling to grow up with. He misses his sister so much even though he can't verbalise it. We see it in his face every time he sees her photo. We don't want him to grow up an only child - he needs and deserves company, and we would dearly love another baby to love and bring happiness into our lives and home. Because of our ages, we just can't afford to wait 12 months and that is why we're trying straight away. We are still suffering immense and overwhelming grief about Sian and part of me feels guilty for trying again so soon, but as I said, it's only because of our age that we're not waiting. We are very aware that as older parents, our chances of conceiving a child with Special Needs is high, but after losing Sian, I really don't think anything in our lives could be worse. If our angel decides to send us a baby brother or sister for Dane, and s/he does have additional needs, we will deal with that and love them regardless. Absolutely nothing could be worse than the pain we are going through at the moment and will continue to go through for a long while yet.
    I really hope that no-one on this forum will judge us badly for trying to have another baby so soon after losing our gorgeous girl. As I said, we will never replace Sian. Sorry for the very long post.
    I want to wish you and your DH all the best for TTC and hope little Sian sends you down an angel.

    I think there are risks involved in all aged of pregnancies. Could happen at the beginning or could happen at the end, who knows.

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  13. #17
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    sians mummy i remember your thread and again im so sorry you lost beautiful Sian. Its nice to hear from you i can only imagine the suffering u are experiencing. I completely understand why you want to try for another, id be the same! Im in no way judging my sister nor anyone else no matter their age. I wouldnt think bad of anyone for wanting a beautiful child and all the happiness that brings I was just being a concerned sister and thought others may help to ease my mind or share their experiences. I wish you all the best in trying for another baby...... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Xo

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    Oh ShananBoc, please don't think that I was suggesting that you were judging your sister. That was absolutely NOT what I was thinking. I am just worried that our family and friends will think we are trying to replace Sian by trying to conceive so soon after losing her. If we were both younger, we'd wait a year and then give it a go, but we know that time isn't on our side, so it's now or never. And who knows, it may be never. I have told Sian that we'll leave it in her little hands. If she wants Dane to have a baby brother or sister, she'll send us one, and if not, then that's ok. I truly believe that I need to just leave it to our angel to decide what she wants for our family.
    I wish your sister all the very best.

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  16. #19
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    Oh good, I was worried! Things often come accross wrong online and im not always the best at explaining myself! Dont feel as if you have to justify yourself to your family and friends. Im sure they know you would never want to replace Sian. I would do the same thing in your situation. Im sure everyone will be over the moon and so happy for you. I know all us bub hubbers will be too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by siansmum View Post
    Oh ShananBoc, please don't think that I was suggesting that you were judging your sister. That was absolutely NOT what I was thinking. I am just worried that our family and friends will think we are trying to replace Sian by trying to conceive so soon after losing her. If we were both younger, we'd wait a year and then give it a go, but we know that time isn't on our side, so it's now or never. And who knows, it may be never. I have told Sian that we'll leave it in her little hands. If she wants Dane to have a baby brother or sister, she'll send us one, and if not, then that's ok. I truly believe that I need to just leave it to our angel to decide what she wants for our family.
    I wish your sister all the very best.
    Siansmum I just had to reply to wish you the very best for conceiving. What you are feeling is very normal after losing a child and your desire to give your DS a sibling is just lovely and extremely natural in the circumstances. Good luck and I really do hope your beautiful girl Sian sends you another baby. Your story broke my heart and I think about you often.

    Shananboc you are a wondeful sister for worrying about yours. Yes there may be risks but s long as your sister has family like you around to help her she should be fine. I am 41 and would dearly have loved 4 kids but have decided to stop now because I can't take the chance of having a difficult pregnancy or prem baby with 3 other kids to care for and no family around to help. I'm sure your sister has thought all of this through.

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