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  1. #1
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    Default Help me settle this with DP

    I need some advise here! My mum is having major heart surgery next week and she lives interstate. I have been planning to fly up and stay with my parents when she is home for a week or so to just be with her and help support etc.

    The plan has always been for just myself and (4mo) bub to go, but I'm thinking that I'd like to also take our eldest dd (7). DP is 'not into the idea AT ALL'.

    His points are that :
    It's not fair for our other kids (5 and 4yo). He thinks the others will be devastated at missing out.
    She'll miss the first week of school term.

    My points are :
    We have to take turns flying our kids up as it's so expensive to all go. I have said before that I'd like to have one at a time come with me.
    I think that it is a great opportunity for me and my dd to have special time together.
    I don't think missing the first week of term is a big deal at all. dd is very bright and sailing along at school.
    dd can be helpful with holding baby etc and will be great to have there for my mum too.

    I said 'It's not about people missing out - it's about being there for my mum. It's open heart surgery ffs! Can you just think about it and we'll talk about it after work?'
    He said 'Just book the tickets I don't know why you bothered asking you just do whatever you want anyway...'

    It's always a bit of a 'thing' when I want to visit my folks. He's always been a bit funny about the possibility of missing out on milestones with the babies and spending time away from each other etc. I just want him to say 'That's a great idea love! It'll be so good for you to have that time with dd and your mum. It's important.' Instead I'm being made to feel guilty for separating the family unit and playing favorites.

    Am I being unreasonable???

  2. #2
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    Personally, I would want as few children there as possible given your mum will be recovering from major surgery.

    What does your mum want? I'd be guided by that, given the circumstances.

  3. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MissMuppet For This Useful Post:

    elleandsam  (20-06-2012),KillerHeels  (20-06-2012),mamajess  (20-06-2012),twotrunks  (20-06-2012),Zombie_eyes  (20-06-2012)

  4. #3
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    Personally, I would want as few children there as possible given your mum will be recovering from major surgery.

    What does your mum want? I'd be guided by that, given the circumstances.
    This ^^^

    I wouldn't be taking my child out of school if it wasn't absolutely necessary to be honest. I'd just take the baby and organise another trip in the school holidays for the other kids.

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    I sort of see your DP's point tbh. The other kids won't really understand why your DD gets to miss out on school and they don't. I also can't see how it's cheaper to do multiple trips with each kid, as you're paying a full adult fare each time you do it. Finally, I don't think your DD will have a whole lot of fun. It's not really a holiday, as you will be busy with your mum, so it's just hanging out at grandma's house by herself for a week.

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    Hmmm. Thanks for your honest replies.
    Well mum and dd have a special bond. Mum asked me today if I would bring her with me. She is helpful and not boisterous so I think it would be a good dynamic having her with me.
    I thought I would ask her teacher today what her opinion was on missing the first week. My opinion is that there are life experiences and school lessons to be had. That school is not always the be all and end all iykwim.

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  10. #6
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    I agree with your DH sorry !!!

    Not fair on other children to take one and not all (baby doesn't count)

    I don't believe in children missing school unless it's absolutely necessary

    Your mother will be recovering from major surgery - you don't need a 7 year old getting in the way

    You won't be 'spending quality one on one time' with your DD - you will be assisting your mother

    Sorry prob not what you wanted to get out of posting this thread but your DH is 100% right!

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    I see both points but will you be able to do much to help your mum with a little bub? Thinking along those lines if your 7 yr old can help with bub, then it would help you help your mum. Iykwim?

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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneDoe View Post
    I agree with your DH sorry !!!

    Not fair on other children to take one and not all (baby doesn't count)

    I don't believe in children missing school unless it's absolutely necessary

    Your mother will be recovering from major surgery - you don't need a 7 year old getting in the way

    You won't be 'spending quality one on one time' with your DD - you will be assisting your mother

    Sorry prob not what you wanted to get out of posting this thread but your DH is 100% right!
    I agree 110% sorry.

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    Geez maybe I am out of line...
    I am pretty good at multitasking lol - run a business from home with 4 kids etc. My plan was to do heaps of cooking, stock up the pantry, clean etc. I do this all with bub anyway & dd often helps by holding, bouncing or reading to the other children. Also my brother and his family live near mum & dad, so there will be cousins around.

  17. #10
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    I don't think you're out of line. But I don't think your husband is unreasonable either. You've both raised good points.

    I think its just one of those areas where no one is right or wrong and you have to negotiate it with your DH.

    I don't think missing a week of school is a big deal at that age, but I also don't think its a good precedent to take your daughter out of school to be a helper either.

    Tough one. I hope your mum's surgery goes well and that you and your husband manage to sort something out that you're both happy with.

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