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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post
    No one seems to understand what I'm trying to say! Please close this topic...
    one of those threads you wish you never started right?

    just stop reading thats what i do.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post
    In conclusion, chivalry is dead and replaced by bad manners or none. Thanks I'll stop holding doors open and giving up my seat to strangers, I'll also stop expecting the waiters in restaurants helping me to my seat or pass the menu to me first etc. and everything else that once was.
    No... Chivalry has maybe died in the old sense of the word, yes, but I hardly think its been replaced by bad manners! Instead, you don't have to have a penis to hold a door or offer a seat. And women can seat themselves and stand up without men having to stand too. I don't think any of these are bad things?!

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  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post
    No one seems to understand what I'm trying to say! Please close this topic...
    I understand what you are trying to say, I just don't agree.

    I think you are talking about manners, not chivalry.

    If you and your DH want to go back to ye olde times where he had to put his jacket over a puddle for you to cross, for him to stand at the table if you get up etc this is fine. What I don't appreciate is some of the other posters implying that it's rude to not want to be treated in certain ways Like you MUST let somebody call you names you don't like, you MUST let someone else carry your bags even though you're happy to carry them as you're able bodied and capable.

    THAT to me is bad manners. Treating others in a manner you know they do not appreciate.

    My DP (male) despises being called 'champ' or 'buddy'. He finds it condescending. Nothing to do with feminism or chivalry or medieval times.

    I find being called a lady condescending (I'm not a lady by any stretch of the imagination) so I think it's bad manners to call me a lady even though I find it offensive.

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  6. #44
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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    See, told you OP that "Lady" was offensive.

    Meh. I figure I can't please everybody and am resigned to this fact. I'm an all equal rights supporting, seat giving-upping, door-opening, heavy bag carrying, dinner paying new age old fashioned sort and I'm not gonna change a god damn thing! It's not sexism to me, it's courteous behaviour and I, personally, don't see a problem with it.


    So neh Benji.

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  8. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by GluttonForPunishment View Post
    See, told you OP that "Lady" was offensive.

    Meh. I figure I can't please everybody and am resigned to this fact. I'm an all equal rights supporting, seat giving-upping, door-opening, heavy bag carrying, dinner paying new age old fashioned sort and I'm not gonna change a god damn thing! It's not sexism to me, it's courteous behaviour and I, personally, don't see a problem with it.


    So neh Benji.
    See, I do the same things for DP. Heck, he wears my ugg boots and has the heavy quilt because he feels the cold more than I do!

    I only have a problem if somebody is forcing someone else to be called things or be treated in a way you know makes them feel uncomfortable. I don't think that's courteous at all

    People do sometimes say 'that lady' in reference to me. I usually let it go. But if someone constantly referred to me as that and they knew me well I would say "could you please not call me a lady, I don't appreciate it" and they continued, I would say they are being rude, not me.

  9. #46
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    But you're such a lovely lady?



    Yes, I'm feeling cheeky today. You know how I get like. Lol.

    Fine, we've finally got something we disagree on you and I!

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    Im with Diamond Eyes..

    Manners and thoughfulness is one thing (helping elderly or just generally anyone you see struggling)

    Chivalry as in women being treated as dainty things (man must open doors for, pull out seats for, all this stuff) to me is insulting and irritating. I see women as strong, so why do they need to be treated as weak? Why should men act as slaves if we are equal? You do these things to help those who cant do them themselves (babies-elderly)

    Women are not unable

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

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  12. #48
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    Lol - but LADY?? Me??

    Ummmm

    You're still my bestie though!

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  14. #49
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    I don't think it is it has just changed to fit in with the times. I love being out and any man treating me with respect like waiting for me to go through the door first if we are walking they walk on the road side to protect me however when it comes to paying for dinner or outings for me I get uncomfortable because I work I can afford to pay my own ways. However when they pay for it or refuse to let me pay for it it's a lovely gesture but on no way do I expect it.

  15. #50
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    tiggerfields is offline Priestess of Kult K'iesha... Mooo!
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    Quote Originally Posted by CountryLovin View Post
    I wouldn't wait to be seated by my husband at a restaurant... but if he does pull out my chair for me, I will take a seat. I don't throw it back at him or imply that in any way he is treating me as having 'special needs'. I smile graciously and be happy that I have a wonderful husband.

    If it is raining he will offer me his jacket. If I am cold he will take off his one shirt to wrap it around my shoulders. When he opens a door for me, or lets me walk through one first, it reminds me that he loves me.

    I'll hold a door open for him every once in while too. I'll also hold a door open for any stranger down the street. That doesn't make me a hero.

    I like to be treated as an equal by men. I don't mind if they swear in front of me or talk about women in front of me, I like to be included in their 'man-ly' activities like hunting, fishing and fiddling with the cars and tools. I also like my husband to make me feel loved.

    I'm not a feminist, I am a realist. Society has changed but that doesn't mean that good old fashioned manners have to be thrown out the window.
    Well said! I couldn't agree more. My DH is old fashioned in his manners and always opens doors, carries the heaviest shopping bags etc for me. I absolutely love it.

    I really hate this strident, almost hysterical note that creeps in to these kinds of discussions. Feminism is supposed to be about CHOICE. If I choose to seek out a man who displays these kinds of manners then whose business is it but mine? Why accuse my dear, well mannered husband of treating me like chattel or me of wanting to BE chattel? Because that's what it boils down to.

    I will be teaching DS to open doors etc for ladies as well.

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