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  1. #21
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    I agree it's become a both gender thing. I was struggling with the massive crowds at central station (syd) on sunday trying to get off the train with both kids in tow. A lovely women held the hand of my youngest as he jumped the gap and waited for me and ds2 to get across my dp holds doors for me and for others. I do the same. It's not hard to hold the gate at preschool while a frazzled looking mum with pram and baby go through.

  2. #22
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    I don't think I've ever walked through a door without holding it for the next person, male or female. Isn't this normal I don't think I've ever had someone not hold the door for me, I've certainly never had it shut in front of me. Maybe I live in a different circle of friends/collegues there.

    As for holding a chair/opening car door or whatnot..... yeah, sorry I don't geddit. I tend to drive when DP and I go out - why the heck should he open my door? I have arms, I have legs... I can open my own car door and pull my own chair out.

    I'm actually glad he doesn't think of me as a dainty little princess who can't pull her own chair out. I've never known anybody who respects their partner as much as he does me.

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Atropos View Post
    I actually think not seeing someone again because they walked through a door first is very OTT. You could really miss out on a great guy over such a little thing. I don't see why women feel more entitled to go first through a door. Or why they feel they should get a free meal because they have a vagina iykwim? Have you ever seen those women's mags from the 40's and 50's pre-feminism? I'm happy to pay for a meal or go second through the door rather than be told my place was in the home, subservient to my man. Just my opinion.
    I'm very fussy..lol. But I should have explained better. What I mean is if a man didn't have the same values as I did. As in he didn't care if a woman walked through a door first and did it all the time. I couldn't be with someone like that.
    I'm a woman and I expect to be treated as such.
    I think its just poor form to ask a woman to dinner then half the bill, its not about the money, its not about a free meal its about respect. If a guy does that you aren't that important to him. He is supposed to be charming you and chasing you. (in my opinion)
    The last time I was at dinner with a guy friend just a friend I offered to pay half and he told me to put my wallet away and not embarrass him...lol
    To me that's sweet. To someone else its offensive.

    And for the record I would love nothing more then to stay at home, cook, clean, have babies while my husband works. I have no issue with being 'submissive to a man'. As long as he respects me and loves me deeply.

    Each to their own.

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  6. #24
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    A generalisation cannot be made as it depends on the individual.. for example:
    Monday i had my check up at the hospy and I'm almost 35 weeks pregnant. So I was standing in the line at the reception desk- in front of me was a man aged in his 50's and behind me another pregnant woman holding a toddler. Anyway, in walks an elderly lady with a walking frame. She approaches the back of the line and I automatically move aside and tell her to jump in front of me in the line. The man in front glances back yet remains in his spot. Now I'm more than capable of standing in a line for 5 minutes and didn't expect him to let me in front, it's a maternity hospital as well as general public so if he allowed every pregnant woman in front of him he'd never get ahead- but it made me think- fancy that, a man standing by while 2 heavily pregnant women allow an old lady with a walking frame in and he doesn't even budge.
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 20-06-2012 at 10:37.

  7. #25
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    I just looked up the definition of chivalry. It really doesn't seem relevant to modern society, it's a medieval custom - do people really want to be going back to medieval customs?

    If it's dead - I'm glad!

    What people do within their own marriage/relationships is up to them, but I don't have any expectations of men to be adhering to medieval customs. To me, people are just people. My v@gina doesn't mean that I deserve anything more, nor anything less.


    ETA: I don't think the pregnancy thing is chivalry - *I* get up for pregnant women, or frail/disabled people. This is manners for both men and women. Some pregnant women are happy to stand, I'd prefer to give up my seat in case one is suffering from pregnancy and I'd rather take a fall on a bus if it means a pregnant woman doesn't.


    chiv·al·ry (shvl-r)n. pl. chiv·al·ries 1. The medieval system, principles, and customs of knighthood.
    2. a. The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.
    b. A manifestation of any of these qualities.

    3. A group of knights or gallant gentlemen.


    [Middle English chivalrie, from Old French chevalerie, from chevalier, knight; see chevalier.]
    Word History: The Age of Chivalry was also the age of the horse. Bedecked in elaborate armor and other trappings, horses were certainly well dressed, although they might have wished for lighter loads. That the horse should be featured so prominently during the Age of Chivalry is etymologically appropriate, because chivalry goes back to the Latin word caballus, "horse, especially a riding horse or packhorse." Borrowed from French, as were so many other important words having to do with medieval English culture, the English word chivalry is first recorded in works composed around the beginning of the 14th century and is found in several senses, including "a body of armored mounted warriors serving a lord" and "knighthood as a ceremonially conferred rank in the social system." Our modern sense, "the medieval system of knighthood," could not exist until the passage of several centuries had allowed the perspective for such a conceptualization, with this sense being recorded first in 1765.
    Last edited by Benji; 20-06-2012 at 10:34. Reason: added

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  9. #26
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    DaddyLarge is offline I put on my robe and wizard hat...
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    Quote Originally Posted by GluttonForPunishment View Post
    And that's why it's dying. Feminism has beaten the chivalry out of society. I'm a little old school - I hold doors open and all that sort of jazz. Offer my seat even. But I've had that thrown back in my face as being sexist - apparently - so am trying to do it less these days. Hell, even the term "Lady" is offensive these days.

    So please don't complain too much about the death of chivalry. It's not the men that killed it.
    Bingo. Damned if you do...

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  11. #27
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    Could somebody link me to some evidence re feminism being the end to chivalry?

    I don't mean link me to opinon pieces - I mean show me historically HOW feminism caused an end to chivalry (from what I've read on chivalry - carrying bags because of women's 'weakness', being chivalrous to women you deem 'worthy' if it indeed was feminism that put an end to it I am even more thankful to feminists. I have my doubts that it was feminism though).
    Last edited by Benji; 20-06-2012 at 10:56.

  12. #28
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    *hands the boys a tissue*

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  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondEyes View Post
    *hands the boys a tissue*
    Yes, but did they put their jacket over the puddle before you had to walk over it?

    Now that's true chivalry

  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondEyes View Post
    Probably because there's more equality these days, why does a woman have the privelege of going first in something? Why does she need a man to stand up when she stands? Why does she need a man to help seat her? Its odd. Im glad im not treated like a 'special' case.
    I agree. I wouldn't feel comfortable waiting to be seated by Dh at a restaurant.


 

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