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  1. #1
    DaughteroftheForest's Avatar
    DaughteroftheForest is offline Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve
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    Default At my wits end

    I have no idea what to do, I'm so angry and upset right now. I seriously want to suffocate my MIL with a pillow!

    My third baby was born with breathing difficulties. She coded at 22 hours old and has several times since. She spent the first two months in hospital and has been readmitted three times since. She was released on oxygen at home and needs periodic monitoring. The doctors told us at the hospital to follow SIDS recommendations to the letter because just because she's on oxygen doesn't mean she can't suffocate.
    My MIL has both my girls for the night tonight. I was a bit nervous about letting her take DD2 as she hasn't listened to me in the past when I've told her not to put her to sleep with a pillow but DP told me he'd ask his SIL to check and make sure she wasn't letting her sleep with one. MIL posted a picture of DD2 on Facebook a few hours ago and low and behold, she's asleep on a pillow in her portacot. I didn't see the picture until an hour later and msged SIL to ask if she could take it out. She said fine and then msged back that she had tried to but MIL had told her not to and to just tell me that she had. So I rang MIL and asked her nicely to please not let her sleep with a pillow, explained about SIDS safe sleeping and how it was her doctors orders and that it made me very nervous. She was really nice, overly nice in fact, and assured me she had taken it out. SIL msged me shortly after I got off the phone and told me she hadn't in fact removed the pillow. I'm so angry, not only do I feel like she is risking my babies life for nothing, I feel really betrayed that she has lied to me. I want to just go around thee and take my baby and throw the bloody pillow in her face, but DD1 is there and I don't want to cause a scene in front of my toddler, and if I go round there at all there will be a scene

    There's no way I'm going to be able to sleep tonight

  2. #2
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    Oh wtf!! I feel soooo sorry for you! There is only one way to handle this, apart from suffocating her which might be not such a bad idea, this is your dd's last night at mil's!! If she cant play by your rules she cant have her overnight, simple as that!
    It is so rude, I am really a bit lost for words, so hugs to you and I hope the time until tomorrow flies for you!!

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    I'd go there, I'd never forgive myself if something did happen & I'd not gone just to avoid a scene.

    Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work. No more unsupervised visits would be my rule after these shenanigans.

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    Wow. I would have no issues turning up, pounding on the door and taking both my babies home if I were you.

    That is absolutely disgusting. Especially since she has already had these issues, it's general SIDS safe sleeping.

    I hope your MIL gets a serving.

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  8. #5
    DaughteroftheForest's Avatar
    DaughteroftheForest is offline Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve
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    I've spoken with my SIL. MIL has now gone to bed, leaving DD2 in the lounge room asleep on the pillow. She's taken it out so at least I know the immediate danger is gone. But she won't ever be having the kids on her own again. She's pulled similar stuff in the past but eventually backed down, but I've never caught her in an outright lie before. I'm so angry and confused. We had to stay with her for three months after DD2 was released from hospital as our house was being renovated due to a mould infestation and we couldn't have her around that. I'm so grateful to her for having us, it was no small thing to open up her house to two adults and three small children, but that doesn't give her the right to ignore my safety concerns regarding my sick baby.

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    Thats horrible! Sounds like my MIL. I cant trust her even now (I'm currently pregnant with our first), and she will not be having unsupervised visits for a long time. My MIL also seems to believe in the "what they dont know wont hurt them" rule.

    I agree with all posts above, no more unsupervised visits. Lying for me, is just not on! She has done multiple things wrong here
    - gone against doctors and SIDS recommendations
    - gone against your wishes (even if they are already recommended)
    - told SIL to lie to you
    - she lied to you over the phone

    Even if her "excuse" was that she has kids before SIDs recommendations, and her kids survived (blah blah), it doesnt excuse the other things she has done wrong, it also doesnt excuse the fact that times have changed and she needs to adapt to new things to look after your children.

    Hope you and DH sit down with her and explain what she has done wrong. Even if she is "sorry" and regrets what she has done wrong, she will need to build the trust again before she can have unsupervised visits.

    Good luck, sorry you have a crappy MIL but luckily you have found out she lied before anything bad had happened.

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    WOW. I would have gone over and got the girls too. There is no excuse for risking her grandchilds life Im sorry your little one is so unwell and i hope she improves

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    oh my gosh!
    How could she do that!
    I would do the same as everyone else. No more unsupervied visits. I would even go as far as no more visits at all for a while. If she is going to lie to you over the phone obviously she doesnt care what anyone thinks and will start doing these things in your presence. I would be making the point of "they are my kids, she has health issues and things need to be followed to the letter, if you cant respect that, then maybe you need to know wat you could lose permanantly by losing them temporarily." I may not actually say that but I would definatly avoid her for a lon time.

    The fact that she helped you out while your dd was in hospital doesnt mean anything when it comes to the potential loss of your children. You dont owe her anything if she is deliberatly risking her grandchilds life repeatedly. The fact that she is on oxygen makes it even worse, she can actually see there is a problem.

    What does your DH think?

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    Wow no more visits! She's risking your sick child's life!!!

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    That is completely absurd!!

    I WOULD have made a scene in the hopes that it may get through her thick skull!

    I think there is one rule when looking after another persons child: their parents know best.

    I'd be fuming if I were you!!!


 

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