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  1. #1
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    Default Gender disappointment

    For those of you who have experienced gender disappointment upon finding out the sex of your baby, did it go away the minute you held your baby in your arms?

    We opted not to find out the gender, and while all I am honestly hoping for is a healthy baby, I am worried I won't bond quite as quickly with my baby if it's not the gender I secretly hoped for...

    ** No judgements, please **

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    No judgement here personally for me, because I've had a few loses, gender did not matter to me at all. I was just happy to be pregnant and have a healthy baby. My hubby on the other hand really wanted a boy (as a lot of men do I'm sure). We found out the sex at our 18week scan, and when we found out it was a girl, I saw his face literally DROP. He tried to hide it, bless him, but I knew he was disappointed. But, once DD was born and he held her in his arms, I think the disappointment was the farthest thing in his mind he now goes on and on about "daddy's little girl". We are expecting no.2 now and he thinks it's gonna be a girl

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    Can i make a suggestion? If you feel like you will have GD, then i suggest you find out the sex of the baby.

    I suffered it with my first child, I really wanted a girl, and swore i was having one. When he was born a boy i was devastated. I wasn't even expecting getting those feelings i did. I was shocked that i felt so bad about it. I didn't actually know what GD was either so i though the feelings i was having were normal.

    I struggled to bond with him at first, breastfeeding was a hassle, and no i didn't instantly bond with him and i felt very strange towards him as if he wasn't my baby. It was quite horrible. It was day 2 that i actually felt better and started to bond with him.

    So if i were you, i would find out the sex so if its the sex you don't desire, you have time to get your head around it to prepare yourself emotionally. If it is the sex you desire, then all good.

    When i fell pregnant with my 2nd child, i wanted a girl obviously, so i decided to avoid the surprise GD again, i found out the sex, i found out it was a boy, my heart did sink just a little but i had time to get ready for another little boy and surprisingly i was very happy.

    Good luck

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    AllYouNeedIsLove  (19-06-2012),Zombie_eyes  (19-06-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jo7 View Post
    No judgement here personally for me, because I've had a few loses, gender did not matter to me at all. I was just happy to be pregnant and have a healthy baby. My hubby on the other hand really wanted a boy (as a lot of men do I'm sure). We found out the sex at our 18week scan, and when we found out it was a girl, I saw his face literally DROP. He tried to hide it, bless him, but I knew he was disappointed. But, once DD was born and he held her in his arms, I think the disappointment was the farthest thing in his mind he now goes on and on about "daddy's little girl". We are expecting no.2 now and he thinks it's gonna be a girl
    Yes! This was just the same as my DH.
    I really thought I was having a boy lol.
    We found out at 19weeks and I was disappointed for about 3 seconds (mainly because my hunch was wrong lol) and then got excited!
    But yes my husbands face did DROP.. He even looked a little pale at that scan
    Dd is now such a daddy's girl.
    They have and have had an excellent relationship from the moment she was born

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    I think perhaps 'disappointment' was the wrong word to use. It was not particularly easy for me to fall pregnant, so like you, I am just so grateful to be carrying a healthy baby. I am just worried that because I am already so used to one gender with my first child, I'll have difficulty adjusting to the other gender if that is what this baby so happens to be!! I think I'm more suffering from 39-week jitters, more than anything else!!


    Quote Originally Posted by jo7 View Post
    No judgement here personally for me, because I've had a few loses, gender did not matter to me at all. I was just happy to be pregnant and have a healthy baby. My hubby on the other hand really wanted a boy (as a lot of men do I'm sure). We found out the sex at our 18week scan, and when we found out it was a girl, I saw his face literally DROP. He tried to hide it, bless him, but I knew he was disappointed. But, once DD was born and he held her in his arms, I think the disappointment was the farthest thing in his mind he now goes on and on about "daddy's little girl". We are expecting no.2 now and he thinks it's gonna be a girl

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    As horrible as it sounds, hubby and I were devestated when we found out that our second child was another girl. We found out at 20 weeks though, so had the rest of the pregnancy to adjust to the idea. By the time she was born neither of us cared- she was our second perfect princess and we couldn't imagine it any other way.

    Third time round and it was not only us but both our families hoping for a boy. So imagine the disappointment when we were told yet again we were having a girl. Actually DH and I weren't as upset as last time, we were kind of expecting it and knew that when we see her any disappointment would melt away.

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    yes i felt it. i ttc for 17 months with 2 mc and at first i was just happy to have a baby at all. then it started creeping in. i have a dd from a previous relationship and 3 sons with my Dh. we would have really loved to have had a dd. for me, i knew i couldn't get to the birth not knowing. i knew id be disappointed and i didn't want to be holding my baby and feel that. i knew all the extra months not knowing would make me build up too much for a girl. i found out i was expecting my 3rd boy at 15 weeks and at first i was shocked. i had a little cry a few days later and sulked a bit for a while but by the time he was born i was ready for my boy. i even remember saying to dh if it was somehow wrong and he came out a girl id be upset as i had my head and heart around this little boy now. i never for one second felt anything but love and adoration for him. i still pine for a dd with my dh though and perhaps we will try again.

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    i actually asked this exact question when i was pregnant with my third child.we already had two girls and really wanted a son.i chose not to find out the sex at the 20 week scan because i wanted to enjoy my pregnancy and thought if the result wasnt what we wanted then i would spend the rest of my pregnancy upset.long story short i had another girl and being 100% honest yes i was a little disappointed when they told me but it lasted all of 30 seconds once i held her and looked at her.

    you only live once...
    but if you do it right ~ once is enough.

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    I'm finding out the sex particularly because it's not me that's worried but my mother. You'd think that having a health first grandchild would be enough LOL But she told me she "doesn't know what she'd do if I brought a boy home" so yeah thanks mum I have no control over it LOL
    I have the opposite problem on my in laws side who have said "it's a boy, it's a boy" the whole time because they want to carry on their name and already have a girl grandchild.
    I feel torn at times but ultimately I think, guess what - this is all talk and worry - when that gorgeous little baby is looking up at you and needs you - this crap will be the last thing on your mind.

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    Quote Originally Posted by miaedensmummy View Post
    I think perhaps 'disappointment' was the wrong word to use. It was not particularly easy for me to fall pregnant, so like you, I am just so grateful to be carrying a healthy baby. I am just worried that because I am already so used to one gender with my first child, I'll have difficulty adjusting to the other gender if that is what this baby so happens to be!! I think I'm more suffering from 39-week jitters, more than anything else!!
    I have a dd and I really wanted another dd, because I really didn't know what to do with a boy. Dd was a surprise but I really thought this one was a boy, and we had already decided to find out for convenience sake more than anything. I was right and have to admit I was concerned, but knew my dp was chuffed. I fretted for a while and refused to look at boys clothes and toys, but this feeling went away slowly. As soon as he was born I was in love. He is so precious and I feel grateful every day for having 2 beautiful children.


 

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