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  1. #1
    TimTamsandTea's Avatar
    TimTamsandTea is offline ...if only all relationships were so perfectly sweet!
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    Default If you had it, would you give it?

    So MIL popped in to visit the boys this morning.
    Having a cuppa and a chit chat when she says:

    "You know, FIL and I have the funds to pay off your mortgage. But we would never do that because you never appreciate what you have unless you've worked for it. We don't believe in giving our kids a 'free ride'.

    Ummm. What??

    For the record

    a) Previous to that little conversation spoiler,we'd been chatting about laundry powder

    b) We have never ever asked MIL and FIL for money

    c) We've never spoken about our mortgage with MIL and FIL.

    I mumbled something about her being right and excused myself to change ds2's nappy.

    I summise that MIL is odd and often needs to flex her muscles. Cool. Over it.

    But it left me wondering. If I had the funds to help my children in a big way, would I do it?

    Yes.

    I could only say no if they were unproductive adults who had a poor work ethic and had a history of relying on others financially.

    Other than that, I'd love to be in a position to help my adult children financially in any way I can.

    What about you?
    Last edited by TimTamsandTea; 19-06-2012 at 00:46.

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    I think i probably would too, but only if they really couldnt work it out themselves too. My parents have never and would never help me out, best i ever got from step dad was a loan along with a contract for repayment, their justification i have been independent from a very young age theres absolutely nothing i cant do for myself or as mum says 'you will be fine, you always find a solution'

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    to be honest i am in two minds about it, on one hand yes i would because it woud mean they would have a better life but on the other hand i think it would all depend on their attitude and also what kind of financial position it would leave me in

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    Good question. I help, but not sure id pay off the mortgage....hmmmm!

    Back to your MIL, how random she said that for no reason, I think it's very rude of her.

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    What a weird thing to say . :/ I'd help if they appreciated it

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    That sounds like something my MIL would say - she is equally as odd and frequently makes unnecessary remarks/digs like that... And DH is an only child as well! Go figure!

    I would never expect that of my parents, but my parents also have 4 children so what they do for one must be done for all for equalities sake.

    As for helping my daughter... In a heartbeat. DH and I are very realistic about the fact that when DD is in the position where she needs to secure a mortgage or pay one off in 25 years time that the market is likely to be even more unscaleable than the current housing situation and we are already planning for the eventuality that she will need our help. That said we have every intention of teaching her independence and good financial management skills, she may not even want our help when it comes down to it!

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    Im going against the grain and saying no. I wouldnt pay ov my childrens' mortgages. I too believe that they should pay it ovv themselves just as I had and more than likely, that would take away my retirement vund.
    HOWEVER, iv my children were struggling in someway, I would always help them in whatever way I could, iv I could.
    I know ov someone who has always been bailed out, always had things made easier vor her, and now she always expects it, or runs herselv so dry that you veel obliged to help. She has never gotten herselv into a better position because ov this and continues to make poor decisions and live choices. I dont want that vor my children, I want them to be strong, independant women capable ov living their lives in the best possible way.

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    smallpotatoes  (19-06-2012),sweetseven  (19-06-2012)

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    No absolutely not.

    If she was in serious immediate threat of losing her house, id probably bail her out the minimum amount to get her out of trouble, but then make her pay it back, depending on the circumstances.

    Id rather sit down with her and go through her finances and teach her how to budget, rather than just hand her cash. The saying 'give a man a fish and he eats for one day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime' comes to mind

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub

  10. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Super Trooper For This Useful Post:

    Atropos  (19-06-2012),GluttonForPunishment  (19-06-2012),HugsBunny  (19-06-2012),smallpotatoes  (19-06-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Super Trooper View Post
    No absolutely not.

    If she was in serious immediate threat of losing her house, id probably bail her out the minimum amount to get her out of trouble, but then make her pay it back, depending on the circumstances.

    Id rather sit down with her and go through her finances and teach her how to budget, rather than just hand her cash. The saying 'give a man a fish and he eats for one day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime' comes to mind

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub
    This. Having said that, what a random thing for your MIL to blurt out. "We could help you but we won't, not that you've asked for it"?? No need to say it IMO.

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    Yep, if I had the money and I could still have plenty left after then of course I would.
    If she (DD) was in a position to get a mortgage then she obviously isn't a drop kick.
    I don't see why not, she's going to get it when I die so might as well give her happiness and extra money to make her happy now.

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