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  1. #1
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    Default How to politely say no?

    There is a school mum who i have nothing in common with who keeps persisting that DS should go over for a play and a sleepover.

    DS doesnt play with her child.

    I would of been interested in slowly getting to know her but some of the things she has said has totally put me off and i would rather not be around her and same goes for DS.

    At school i will make small talk but thats about as far as i am interested.

    Today she was asking what i had planned for school holidays and what was happening with DS when i work but i hadnt quite thought that far ahead as of yet so i said i had no idea. She said she could baby sit and DS could sleep over if i wanted to work afternoons.

    I honestly have nothing in common with her and i cant see myself sitting at her place while the boys play even though they dont play at school. I also would not trust DS being there without me either.

    She has texted me a few times asking for playdates and catchups but those times were also really inconvient for me so i never replied as i generally forget about them if i dont reply right on the spot.

    Today she was going on about something and i said sorry i really wasnt listening as i was tired from work but she kept going on and not understanding and then going on about the party we had on the weekend which i invited her son to as i told DS it was everyone or nobody.

    How can i politely say we are not interested in doing playdates and sleepovers because i really am not interested, our boys dont play together and we have nothing at all in common.

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  2. #2
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Does she know that your DS has sleepovers elsewhere?

    If not I'd probably just say that your DS isn't ready for sleepovers yet.

    Do you think maybe she doesn't have many mum friends and is just trying a bit too hard to make friends with you?

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    Yes she knows coz DS and his friend will tell anyone and everyone that they have playdates and sleepovers quite often(well sleepovers a few times a month at my house or his friend who lives around the corner and playdates at least 3 times a week at either house plus she hears me and a few of the other mums talking about when to get together for a playdate as we have all been so busy its hard to get a time we are all free.

    Plus the boys organise their own playdates too haha.

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    Hmmmm Ok well maybe if you just keep blowing her off she might get the hint?

    I'm really bad at stuff like that. Or maybe just say that you're booked up for the next few weeks but you'll let her know when you're free?
    Last edited by HugsBunny; 18-06-2012 at 23:13.

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    I would just be honest and say something like "sorry but my DS doesn't want to have a play date with your DS. Sorry, but you know how kids are!" and hope she understands.

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    I'd say, "I have a friend called ToughLove and I think you'd get along really well with this crosswalk attendant friend of hers."

    (Sorry, I have no serious advice )

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  8. #7
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    I can only guess which mother it is Bec hahaha


    id just keep giving her hints that coop doesnt want to play there

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    I feel bad for her just reading this its really hard to make friends and make an effort to put yourself out there. What if you did have a play date and a coffee? Maybe the boys would get along and it wouldn't be so bad? If it was at a park or cafe then you could leave when you had enough.

    As for the kids not being friends maybe is a compliment she thinks your son would make a good friend for hers.

    Other than that I think just avoiding her and saying your busy will prob give her the hint eventually.

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    Quote Originally Posted by austmum View Post
    I feel bad for her just reading this its really hard to make friends and make an effort to put yourself out there. What if you did have a play date and a coffee? Maybe the boys would get along and it wouldn't be so bad? If it was at a park or cafe then you could leave when you had enough.

    As for the kids not being friends maybe is a compliment she thinks your son would make a good friend for hers.

    Other than that I think just avoiding her and saying your busy will prob give her the hint eventually.
    I agree.
    I feel sorry for her, it can be very hard to make new friends, she might be lonely or her son might be upset that he is never invited to play dates and hears the kids at school talking about it and he might go home upset etc.

    Obviously you know the situation of the lady is question better than any of us.
    If you don't feel safe with leaving your DS at her house that's perfectly understandable.
    But a coffee with her and the kids running around at the playground won't hurt anyone (might be annoying for you! )
    She might just be trying to hard or a bit unco at making friends.
    I say give her a chance with coffee.
    She sounds like she is making such an effort, If she asks for your son to sleep over just say "I'm sorry I just don't know you very well.. Maybe over time we will see"
    I'm not saying become BFFs with her lol, just maybe repay some of the effort she has been putting in with wanting to catch up.

    Like I said you know better than any of us what this lady is like and if you really feel like you don't want to go there at all with any kind of friendship I would just tell her the truth.

    I would prefer to hear the truth instead of being stringed along with trying to find new friends.
    If its friends that she wants don't waste her time.
    It can be very hard for some that don't have a close friend circle.
    :Goodvibes:
    Good luck!
    Last edited by Liddybugs; 19-06-2012 at 09:05.

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  13. #10
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    This is my biggest fear....being on the other side of this. I don't make friends easily and I HATE putting myself out there because people might think of me how you think of her IYKWIM? I'm sure you have really good reasons for feeling how you do but I think you need to just bite the bullet and tell her straight that you aren't interested in a friendship.

    Please please do this. I was recently in a situation where someone had an issue with me and had held onto it for a long time and then dropped it on me in a really nasty and hurtful way. I was bordering PND and it really did tip me over. I know now, it's her issue, not mine. But it still doesn't stop that hurt you know? And then you wonder if everyone else feels the same. It's not a nice feeling.

    I'm not having a go at you either, please don't take it the wrong way. Just thought I could offer the other POV for you to consider


 

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