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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    First I look at what exactly may be causing my children to play up, is is hunger? Boredom? Are they feeling unwell?

    If my 4 year old is playing up, it's usually because she is feeling overwhelmed so I'll ask her to go to her room to read a book or compose herself. It's not time out, it's not a punishment, it's her space that no one can intrude on when she needs some space away from her sister. Once she is ready, we will talk about why she was acting the way she was, how she was and is feeling etc, and ways she/we can avoid that sort of thing happening again. She is really good with her words and has a very good understanding of feelings.

    My nearly 2 year old is at the tantrum stage, so I will put her somewhere safe (usually her cot) so she can let her emotions out. Once I can hear that she has calmed a bit, I'll get her out and cuddle her while I talk to her about feelings and stuff like that. She understands happy and sad now so if someone is sad she will cuddle them, just like I do when she is sad.
    Pretty much the same here for my 5 and 2. I've always thought of that as time out, or time in or thinking time, whatever the latest PC phrase is!

    My two year old gets threatened with his cot but I don't put him in it because makes him hysterical, actually I don't leave him at all as he gets upset about that fact and forgets why he is in time out/[choose your own phrase]. I stay with him until he agrees to talk about his behaviour (normally bothering or hitting his big sister) and is prepared to say a nice sorry/cuddle with her.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by trishalishous View Post
    i role model acceptable behaviour
    positive reinforcement ('lovely gentle touching sweetheart!')
    emotion coach ('i see that you are cross, but we are gentle with people')
    encourage decision making ('mummy is eating. you can sit here nicely with me, and eat properly, or go and play, if you are finished')
    in that order
    This is how we are with 19 month old DS, we have a water cooler in the lounge room that he discovered at 1 and every time he touched it we said " not for bubba to touch" and moved him away or distracted him, a few people said we should remove the water cooler but after maybe 8 or 9 times he now just walks past it, now at 19 months he sometimes points at it and says "bubba no touch"
    Same with walking and holding my hand, we are teaching him that he has to hold onto his pram when we are out or hold my hand when crossing roads or shopping centre car parks, we are really overboard with the praise as 98% of the time he does really well but once or twice he had started to wander off and I explained to him he has to go back in the pram now as he let go of mummy's hand and it's not safe , he now automatically grabs my hand when we start to walk near the car park entrance

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheSudgestionator View Post
    We do everything but smack

    DDs main 'Offenses' are 1. Not listening/ignoring us, 2.hitting, & 3. Whinging (and I don't mean crying because she's sad, I mean following us around screaming & yelling because she's cranky)

    For the first 2 she gets time out (playpen in the loungeroom for 2 mins)

    If we are out she gets timeout in the strapped in her car seat for 2 mins (door open, me beside car)

    If car is too far away she gets 'held' for about a min (on my lap, facing away, with my arms wrapped around her to restrain her).

    For the last one she gets things taken off her (usually her dummy or a toy) and she has to do 'good girl things' to get them back.

    Eg. She behaved terribly on the bus this morning (kicking the chair infront, pulling laddies hair & crawling under the seats) I tried distracting & asking nicely but it didn't work, she got a warning & still ignored me, so she got time out on my lap.

    We got off the bus & she played up the whole way home.

    We got home & she got timeout in the pen.

    I explained to why she was in there, & to get out she had to follow my instructions which she did (hold my hand, sit down etc)

    Then she wanted a dummy & since shed been misbehaving she had to do a 'good girl' thing to get them.

    She wiped her table, put her shoes away, socks in the laundry & toys in her room & got one.

    She's 2.

    I find taking things away & making her do good girl things to get them back works SO much better. But she has to be holding something she likes for that one to work.
    Man you must have patience. Just reading that made me anxious.
    BTW I have a 2yr old who is similar.
    Hard work and my patience is thin most days lately!!

    We do to timeout, remove toys. I try not to smack as my DS is physical with other kids so I am trying to teach him that it is wrong, but I have to admit that I have given the occasional smack on the hand when he just won't respond to timeout etc.

    Ps: I love u for suggesting the playpen, I have used it twice already this avo!
    Last edited by 2BlueBirds; 18-06-2012 at 18:21.

  4. #14
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    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    time out and removal of privledges for Mr4. Diversion for Miss E, who is 1.

  5. #15
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    DS is 6 yo now so well past 'naughty corner' stage.

    I'm able to reason with him now. He loses privilidges. Example, we used to go to Subway every Thursday night after school. One night he was massively playing up so I gave him a warning. He did it the next Thursday so I walked out and explained to him he keeps misbehaving in public so there is no more Subway on Thurs nights.

    One thing I've never been afraid of is letting him know how his behaviour makes me feel. If he's made me sad, I tell him. If he's said something mean to a child at school I ask him how it would make him feel if someone did it to him.

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  7. #16
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    I usually use positive reinforcement (like a star chart for being good, getting dressed, etc; and he gets a certain amount of pocket money at the end of the week depending on how many stars he earnt), I find this usually deters bad behaviour. When he got a detention at school for biting he lost all of his stars for being good that week, now just the threat of removing stars usually works.

    If he is acting up, I talk to him about his behaviour or sometimes try to distract him, depending on what it is, if he continues he loses all TV/DS/xbox priviledges for a day (major thing in this household lol). If he does something extremely bad it is instant loss of priviledges, but that rarely happens.

    I used to smack when he was younger, as sadly it was the only thing that worked. He was very defiant, and a simple no didn't work, nor did time out or any other form of discipline. It was a last resort. But I don't smack anymore, haven't for a long time and don't intend to either.

  8. #17
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    I dont really have a discipline system, no star charts, no naughty corner.

    My first line of attact is to talk to DD, explain why her behaviour isnt acceptable, etc. Even as a 2yo, very basic things such as 'No. Dont touch that, that will hurt you' or 'No. Dont tantrum in the shops/park or we go home' etc. I find the biggest thing is to make good with a threat. No good saying 'eat all your dinner or no dessert,' then letting them have dessert after one mouthful of dinner, IYKWIM. That doesnt teach them that you mean what you say. Or another example, if we are at the park and she starts throwing a tantrum because other kids wont play the game she wants to etc, she gets a warning, to the effect of 'dont start sooking, you dont always have to play your game, try their game, if you dont behave we go home' and if the tantrums continue i pack her up, no fuss, no other 'punishment'and just take her home. She screams the whole way home but i say to her 'i told you to play nice and stop with the tantrum, and if you didnt we would go home. You didnt behave so we are going home.' she doesnt like it one little bit but she does understand and does know that next time there will be consequences if she doesnt listen to me.

    Wow that was a ramble, hope it helps!

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub

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  10. #18
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    I'd like to hear from those that have more than 2 children?

    Eta I started a thread in the Parents of large families section here http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/f...d.php?t=462105
    Last edited by headoverfeet; 18-06-2012 at 17:39.

  11. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    This is how we are with 19 month old DS, we have a water cooler in the lounge room that he discovered at 1 and every time he touched it we said " not for bubba to touch" and moved him away or distracted him, a few people said we should remove the water cooler but after maybe 8 or 9 times he now just walks past it, now at 19 months he sometimes points at it and says "bubba no touch"
    Same with walking and holding my hand, we are teaching him that he has to hold onto his pram when we are out or hold my hand when crossing roads or shopping centre car parks, we are really overboard with the praise as 98% of the time he does really well but once or twice he had started to wander off and I explained to him he has to go back in the pram now as he let go of mummy's hand and it's not safe , he now automatically grabs my hand when we start to walk near the car park entrance
    It works well for us too.
    DD is 99% of the time a perfect angel, and the other 1% is either caused by tiredness/frustration/hunger.

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    Subbing so I can read and get some ideas on this later!


 

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