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  1. #21
    Bonkers is offline wishes she was a glow worm. A glow worm's never glum, 'cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
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    Quote Originally Posted by GluttonForPunishment View Post
    He's done the wrong thing. It's been cr ap for ages. This will either be the catalyst for things to get better or the catalyst for things to end. I would recomend marraige counselling. People think counselling is all about saving the marriage - it's not. It's about seeing if there is indeed a marriage to be saved first. It will completely become apparent whether it can be saved or not, and you will then be able to part knowing and not carrying any regrets. Or, you will discover that through maybe poor communication or whatever that your marriage is something you both want to save.

    I wish you the best of luck.
    this is right

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachell View Post
    Oh my, I'm so sorry

    To be honest I don't know what advise to offer!
    So I'm just going to honestly say what I would do if I were in this situation..

    I would not let DH back in the house.
    I would talk to him one last time and say "I want you to organize a counselor, text me the date, time address etc. I'm not looking for one YOU are"
    I would then cut of all contact (unless it involved something to do with the kids, bills, emergency etc) so really just cutting off all "relationship" contact until we had been to a session of marriage counseling that he had organized and would start taking the advise from the counselor after that.

    For myself I would call a counselor for just me to see (until the marriage counseling is sorted) I would see a private one ASAP, your dealing with emotions that can be very damaging.
    It's a lot to take on and keep to your self.
    The other reason I say see a personal one is you said you haven't been happy for a long time. I think you need to sort out where you want to be as well.

    I would also ask one last thing of my Dh (if he hadn't already)
    I would ask for his passwords.
    If he refused then I wouldn't be bothered with marriage counseling.
    I know you don't have much control over his phone... My husband has his phone for work.. So I couldn't really take it off him! But if it was a personal phone I would most likely ask for his phone records (bills) to be sent to me.
    Might sound extreme but I would want to know if he was still talking that way with other women after I had kicked him out and he was asking for my forgiveness.

    Good luck!
    Stay strong, thinking of you.
    i would do this. i am so sorry you are going thro this no one should have to. goodluck with what ever you choose to do

  2. #22
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    I agree with Rachell- totally sensible advice!!

    You are worht it, you deserve better than what he is giving and his behaviour. He does not deserve YOU.
    YOU can do it alone and will be ok if that is your choice!

  3. #23
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    I would leave, or at least be separated for the time being.

    How awful for you. What did you say to his mum?

  4. #24
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    You poor thing!

    I agree he is full of crap - he says nothing ever happened but the text this morning was to meet up, intent was there and I'd be certain he has met with others before!

    I would seek a counsellor for yourself to be able to deal with all of this!

    Deceit has been happening for a significant period of time and you have been unhappy for a significant period of time also, I think I would find it very hard to continue on all trust has totally been lost!

    First up take a few days to yourself to process your emotions and get your head around it before you have contact again and then take it one step at a time!

    Good luck! If you chose to end things you will have do much support to do it on your own from many lovely ladies here on the hub - you will get through this xx

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I would leave, or at least be separated for the time being.

    How awful for you. What did you say to his mum?
    Yep I would definately live apart and see how it pans out.

  6. #26
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    How horrible for you, I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. And 2 years of it! I'd feel sick knowing that.
    First I think you'll need to determine whether he's genuinely sorry. For hurting you, for being deceitful and for all of the pain he has caused. Or, is he just sorry that he GOT CAUGHT?
    And do you really want to save the relationship? You said yourself that you wanted to leave before all of this.
    I just can't comprehend how he can be so shady for so long and still be able to sleep at night. Says very little about his character. How amazing that he is only remorseful now that he's been caught out. Where was the remorse during the last 2 years? He didn't care about you thrn, so why now? Maybe because he's realised that he can't have his cake and eat it too.
    I'm sorry. Good luck.

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  8. #27
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    I would absolutely do counselling. Mainly because you are expressing such confusion and doubt. You don't want to cut and run here and then think 5 years down the track "I wonder what would have happened if I had just attended one or two sessions of counselling...."

  9. #28
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    How I hate Facebook for this.
    My DF did this at the beginning of our relationship, what less than 2 months in.
    I did some investigating before confronting, he didn't know the women and had declined whenever they suggested to meet up BUT he did ask for photos. (I read fb messages etc)

    The excuse was 'I was drunk, thought it was funny. I never met them or did anything with them and never would have. Just having a laugh'

    The fact he had declined to meeting was the only reason I gave him the choice to leave or to stop. I told him that even though he didn't DO anything, he still initiated and it was like he wanted to do something or looking elsewhere.

    We stayed together, I randomly hacked his account every now and then for a few months afterwards.
    But truthfully, almost 4years later it's still in the back of my mind.

    I don't know how I would handle 2years of it. :s

  10. #29
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    I would be separated and try counseling to see if there is a marriage to save.

    Best of luck, so sorry this has happened to you

  11. #30
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    Last edited by waterlily; 25-07-2012 at 20:27.


 

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