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  1. #1
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    Default HELP, My husband has cheated.

    I am a undercover hubber, I have been on this site for years but I don't want to risk people i know seeing this.

    This morning DH got a txt from a girl i didn't know, I looked at the msg and the convo was about them meeting up at some time!!

    I freaked out and hid DH's phone and sent him off to the shops so I could snoop, he was FREAKING out about not being able to find his phone and alarm bells were going crazy. He finally left.

    There were txts from 2 girls i didn't know. completely inappropriate and sexual. So I opened his facebook and checked his msg's 2 more girls, more sexual conversation!!

    I dead bolted the doors and refused to let him in when he got home. I called his mother and told her to come get him because I didn't want to see or hear him.

    he has been calling and msging non stop. I finally gave in a spoke to him. He promised me there was no sex and they never even met, he even said he felt nothing for them and was using them to make himself feel good because he feels like I hate him (we fight 24/7 and our relationship has been BAD for ages now). He is taking full responsibility and even let me read all the conversations, he has been crying, begging my forgiveness, saying he is scrum for leading the other girls on and betraying me. He wants counselling and for us to at least be friends for the sake of our kids. He is sorry blah blah blah.

    He would NEVER have told me if I hadn't found out. It has been happening for on and off 2 years!!! not every day chat but once every few months constant sexual talk

    I don't know what to do. I have been miserable for so long and wanted to leave before all of this, but now this has happened and he is suggesting counselling, I'm actually thinking of going!!

    I dont know what to do! I don't know where to go from here. I have not stopped crying!! I don't want to tell anyone because even after all he has done, I don't want everyone to hate him. Though his family will now know and are apparently ignoring him.

    I just want advice or something, i dont know what I want tbh...

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    tatia&shura  (18-06-2012)

  3. #2
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    anyone? please!

  4. #3
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    I would say don't let him come back yet and set up an emergency appointment with a councillor asap. Its best to have a non bias 3 rd party there to mediate.

    Wether or not you decide to work on things or separate at least you can do in a mature way. Big hugs to you

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    Bonkers  (18-06-2012)

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    I'm so sorry this has happened to you
    In this situation I would leave, and have done so.
    2 years!? No excuses.
    You poor thing x

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    I think if it's been so bad for so long, this might be an out. That sounds awful, but sometimes people just aren't compatible and there's nothing wrong with ending things. Sounds like you've both been pretty miserable.

    You say he wouldn't have said anything if you hadn't accidentally found out, to me that says a lot.

    I'd be out of there - BUT counselling couldn't hurt TBH.


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    Izy  (18-06-2012),LoveHeart  (18-06-2012),Stiflers Mom  (18-06-2012)

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    I didn't want to read and not reply but TBH I don't know what advice to give. I can't bring myself to say walk away as I would be so devastated that to me it would break my heart further. But then your heart has been broken so can it ever work again. I truly don't know, in your heart can you see it being able to be worked through with counselling or is it the end of the line?

    I truly don't mean to sit on the fence but until it's happened to you (which it hasn't to me) I don't think I can truly answer your question but I'm sure the other ladies can help you more.

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    Kiplusthree  (18-06-2012)

  11. #7
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    I'm sorry this has happened. Maybe you need to just take some time to think about it all. Do you want to try and save your relationship and go to counselling or has it all just gone too far and you don't have the energy to put into it? There are a lot of things to consider.
    Last edited by HugsBunny; 18-06-2012 at 12:12.

  12. #8
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    You have to decide whether you really want to save the relationship by trying counseling or whether this revelation is the final nail in the coffin of what you have said has been an unhappy marriage for quite a while.

    Maybe a few days part for you to think things over is in order. It is difficult to sort through your feelings if your DH is there.

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    Given everything you have said, I would end the relationship.

    I am so sorry

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    I personally would end the relationship. 2 years and no sign of him telling you if you had not found out for yourself.... ? I dont even want to think about how long he would have carried on then, or worse, actually did meet up with these women!!

    HUGE betrayal of trust and completely disrespectful!

    I agree the counselling could be a good thing in regards to co-parenting should you decide not to continue the relationship.


 

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