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  1. #161
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    Quote Originally Posted by eviezmum View Post
    I haven't read the whole thread, so it may have already come up... But what is a "free birth"?
    An unassisted birth at home - so no midwife, just mum/and dad

  2. #162
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I do agree there are really competitive, nasty women out there. I also agree with some of the comments she made about that side of cempetitive birthing and "i'm better than you bc I chose no drugs". If she had to kept in that vein, i probably would have agreed with the article.

    But it goes on to criticise women, who from the surface are obsessive and unwavering on birth plans and the method they birth. That they are more worried about the birth than being a parent. This is where I take issue, and she is doing exactly what she is talking about - making judgments about other women's births. Some women need control to feel safe after bad previous births, not bc they are birthzillas as she names us. Some women really aren't bothered by the whole affair, period.

    Fair enough on her points about competitive birthing. But the rest just feels like one huge judgment about natural birthing women.
    Thank you!

  3. #163
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    She's not saying that how you give birth doesn't matter! She's saying it doesn't give you any special status, it doesn't make you superior, and it's not a competition.

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  5. #164
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I do agree there are really competitive, nasty women out there. I also agree with some of the comments she made about that side of cempetitive birthing and "i'm better than you bc I chose no drugs". If she had to kept in that vein, i probably would have agreed with the article.

    But it goes on to criticise women, who from the surface are obsessive and unwavering on birth plans and the method they birth. That they are more worried about the birth than being a parent. This is where I take issue, and she is doing exactly what she is talking about - making judgments about other women's births. Some women need control to feel safe after bad previous births, not bc they are birthzillas as she names us. Some women really aren't bothered by the whole affair, period.

    Fair enough on her points about competitive birthing. But the rest just feels like one huge judgment about natural birthing women.
    Yes yes yes . I agree on all points.

  6. #165
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    Id like to see the people who are 'against' Csec be given the choice of an elective Csec Vs a VB ending in a colostomy bag. I chose a VB (against advice) and it ended fine, but id hate to think if id chosen a csec that id have to 'defend' my choice. Imagine that conversation,

    "how did you give birth?" (though really what an inappropriate question)
    "I had a VB and a Csec"
    "Oh why a Csec?"
    "its what i chose"
    "Oh id never choose a csec over a VB"
    "Oh really??, try being told you'd need to poo in a bag for the rest of your life"

    (i do realise my situation was rare, but still..)

    Each to their own, i dont know why birth has to be a competition.

    (havent read any of the replies, i also havent had much sleep so i apologise if this doesnt make sense)

  7. #166
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    I hear you indigo, I've had it happen to me here on bubhub and in mothers groups re freebirthing, I don't know why people feel the need to go around saying that "they could never do that" um that's cool...don't then

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  9. #167
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    Women homebirthing are more knowledable about giving birth then some of the midwives birthing you in a hospital. To think they're putting their experience before their babies life is silly, all women want a healthy safe arrival of their baby. Hospitals don't come with a garauntee, some women choose homebirths because they've had horrible hospital experiences, to say that doesn't happen is naive. A women who homebirthed 2 children told her she doesn't know anyone who had the same experinec as her in a hospital. I believe her. Being an avid homebirther she probably only hears the bad and all you have to do is read the forum and borth stories to read just how bad it can be. Infact, I rarely hear good stories either.
    She basically dismissed it, she dismissed the fact that women have bad hospital experiences everyday, by someone speaking out about that isn't looking down her nose at women. She's informing them, making women aware that they do have choices, and birthing a baby doesn't mean yo uhand over all rights to your body. She's going against that and its dangerous to spread that message.

    I talked about my vbac when I had it because I was ecstatic, I was on a high, I achieved something I never thought possible, I was told I wouldn't achieve it and I did. I cry when I get af so do something like that was amazing, if it was a sport I had just ran the marathon and achieved my personal goals.
    I agonised and prepared for months for it. I felt proud, it is a badge of honour for ME. People take that as smugness, people take it as being competitive. You know what? I was expressing my joy, I wasn't competeing with anyone, women also like to bring you down and don't let you be happy, because by achieveing something, you make them feel bad........ I couldn't care less if people put how they gave birth on their sig, its fantastic and women should feel proud, they're not telling anyone how they should give birth, they're expressing a very important and big time in their lives.
    So why is that so bad?

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  11. #168
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    Isn't woman's "bits" changed slightly because of hormones prior to labour, rather than because of a vaginal birth or c section?
    What I mean is, regardless of how bub arrives, don't we all have the same hormones and pressure down there? And it all goes "normal" again after.

    That was always my understanding. It's quite offensive to say that a woman who's had a vaginal birth has "damaged goods" compared to a woman who's had a c sect.


    Regarding the article. Meh. People are individuals and are proud of different things. If they're proud of how they birthed their child then GOOD! It's a beautiful and amazing time in life, regardless of how it happens.

    If I sound snippy it's because a fair few of my friends who've only had c sections have been hammering me lately, telling me it's so much better, and how loose I'll be... This will be my third vaginal birth hopefully, it's all I know, and they're scaring the crappers out of me with horror stories about things going wrong.

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  13. #169
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    Lily I think it becomes smug and competitive at the moment where women start pitying others for not having exactly the same birth as them - assuming that anything other than what they had can't possibly have been joyous or amazing.

    That point at which someone says 'I had a vaginal delivery with an epidural' and the other person says 'oh I'm so sorry to hear that'. Without waiting to hear whether the first person actually enjoyed their birth or even planned it that way because the lack of pain would help them focus on the moment.

    That's how I see the smugness. Not being proud of how you have birthed and how your body has birthed.

    There's a big difference between high-giving yourself for achieving something you wanted to and pitying someone who didn't share the same experience as you.

    I don't read it as Mia talking about those just high-diving themselves.

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  15. #170
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily of the Nile View Post
    Women homebirthing are more knowledable about giving birth then some of the midwives birthing you in a hospital. To think they're putting their experience before their babies life is silly, all women want a healthy safe arrival of their baby. Hospitals don't come with a garauntee, some women choose homebirths because they've had horrible hospital experiences, to say that doesn't happen is naive. A women who homebirthed 2 children told her she doesn't know anyone who had the same experinec as her in a hospital. I believe her. Being an avid homebirther she probably only hears the bad and all you have to do is read the forum and borth stories to read just how bad it can be. Infact, I rarely hear good stories either.
    She basically dismissed it, she dismissed the fact that women have bad hospital experiences everyday, by someone speaking out about that isn't looking down her nose at women. She's informing them, making women aware that they do have choices, and birthing a baby doesn't mean yo uhand over all rights to your body. She's going against that and its dangerous to spread that message.

    I talked about my vbac when I had it because I was ecstatic, I was on a high, I achieved something I never thought possible, I was told I wouldn't achieve it and I did. I cry when I get af so do something like that was amazing, if it was a sport I had just ran the marathon and achieved my personal goals.
    I agonised and prepared for months for it. I felt proud, it is a badge of honour for ME. People take that as smugness, people take it as being competitive. You know what? I was expressing my joy, I wasn't competeing with anyone, women also like to bring you down and don't let you be happy, because by achieveing something, you make them feel bad........ I couldn't care less if people put how they gave birth on their sig, its fantastic and women should feel proud, they're not telling anyone how they should give birth, they're expressing a very important and big time in their lives.
    So why is that so bad?
    Ur first sentence ... Really a woman who has home birthed has more knowledge than a midwife? Not a gross generalization at all.

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