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  1. #131
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    I don't understand why someone else is concerned about how someone else births. I think it is personal and unless you want to talk/discuss it that is fine.

    I have had work colleagues ask how I am planning to birth, friends and friends of friends. I don't mind discussing with close friends but not keen with anyone else (happy on here though). Other people do have an agenda which bothers me.

    I think that however you plan or how it happens is your business. I think feelings are valid if it didn't go to plan.

    It just seems like it is common for people to want to know.

  2. #132
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    She's saying alot of things that don't make sense, contradicting the point she is making and she's over exagerating.
    Women do like to talk about giving birth, and why not? Its the biggest and most important thing most of us go through, we're all here talking about it right now! When I was pregnant all i wanted to do was hear how women gave birth, I would ask. When I had the baby all women did was ask me how I gave birth, and I loved talking about it, cs vbac all of it. A woman asking a pregnant lady about her placenta plans, shock horror isn't her being competitive or pushing anything on her. And obviously she had no idea why someone would put that in their plans so abit of education before you're about to give birth wouldn't go astray either.
    She said birth plans don't matter, you have to be flexible, your a birthzilla if you have one??? Huh? She needs to undertsand the reasons why women have them. Your not a birthzilla for wanting certain things and making sure people in your birth space know, your not a borthzilla for researching and asking questions and doing everything you can to avoid trauma, to avoid a repeat of your last birth and to have a good experience. And you can have a good experience even when things arise unexpectantly, I even had a plan for another c/s, I even had a plan if I was to be put under general, I thought about EVERYTHING. Was I birthzilla for actually understanding that things don't go to plan and thats why I had preferences incase of every scenario so I won't have regrets? Feeling empowered isn't something to scoff at, having control of how you give birth is important and very possible. She makes it sound impossible and she's wrong.

    It's amazing how I went into birth the 1st time knowing nothing. I actually was stunned that I never bothered to really understand what giving birth means and thought I'd go with the flow. How stupid was Ito think the most important and life changing thing I was about to do didn't matter? Like I was so blase about it, then it bit me on the bum when I reaslised what I did, what I missed, how wrong people were in the way I was treated. And how I'd spend the next year asking dh what he felt seeing ds born and how he felt holding ds straight after he was born, and what he was doing those first few hours while I was lying in recovery asking the midwife when I do I get to see my baby? Experience? I had no experience. So shi!t sorry if I wanted to avoid all that again and sorry for realising I actually had alot of choices even in my c/s that no one bothered to tell me about.

    She just doesn't know what she's talking about. I'll never forget the birth of my babies, I'll always talk about their births, my mum still talks about hers! Because it ALL MATTERS.

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  4. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by KCT View Post
    I'm with you!! I had a third degree tear and everything is back exactly as it was. That's the beauty of nature - our bodies are designed to give birth! Hubby says its no different to how it was before!!
    Not always. There is a former hubber who had a 2nd degree tear that didn't heal well. Years later she still suffers from bladder and bowel incontinence and because of this anxiety attacks and confidence issues. She can never have a vaginal birth or a normal s3x life. I wonder if some thinks that she should just be grateful for having a healthy baby?


    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Quite frankly I couldn't give a damn how others birth. But I want to experience what my body was designed to do without major abdominal surgery. If that's birthzilla or competitive then meh.
    Yup, me too. Only not just a surgery, I don't want someone hovering over me pointing out that I'm not labouring and birthing according to the text book so therefore we'll have to intervene.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thermolicious View Post
    I feel sorry for her. She has no idea how birth can be. She is scared and fearful.
    Absolutely. After the intervention free birth of my DD I realised how easy birth could be! After the awful birth of my DS which left me feeling completely useless, (induced and every form of intervention except c/s) I spent months, actually years preparing myself for an intervention free birth. I read, I listened, I watched, I prepared and I planned. I also practiced what I was going to say to any HCP what I would say if they started talking intervention, and as it turned out I had to put that practice into use as my body doesn't do spontaineous labour within hospital policies. I worked really hard to get the birth I wanted and I got it. I am not going to let anyone else dismiss all the hard work I did to get that birth.

    I don't care what sort of birth a woman wants, I care that she has been given quality information so she can make an informed choice. THAT'S what matters. I am not ready to reliquish my bodily autonomy because I am about to give birth, I am intelligent and capable of making the best decisions for my own self AND for the health of my baby.

    This is not about being "more womanly" because I can push a baby out of my vagina without the need for intervention (blah!), it's about being informed and a woman making informed choices and being respected by her HCPs.

    Quote Originally Posted by mumma inky View Post
    I had a doctor check me for tears after ds2 was born by inserting her finger and run it around my vulva even though at the time i was trying to feec my baby and vocalizing "no! You're hurting me!" ds was born before we got to the hospital, i wish we had of stayed home.
    That's hideous.

    I would invite anyone who just thinks the only thing that matters is a healthy baby to read the birth trauma section.

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  6. #134
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    I haven't read the replies sorry, but I found the tone and content of the article very dismissive - a long version of what happens when a woman complains about her birth, and she is told to be grateful for a healthy baby.

    I am very fortunate in that it appears I conceive and carry babies very easily, and my son is healthy and this baby appears to be healthy as well. But I am aggrieved about my birth experience, and I don't see that putting in place a plan for a better experience makes me a "birthzilla" or a control freak. I'm not going to hand my vagina and uterus over to a hospital and doctors who merely follow protocol and what they deem as the safest way (to avoid being sued), and meekly say "doctor knows best". As long as the baby is in my body, I should be able to decide without facing derision from people like the author of the article.

    Likewise, if somebody wants an elective caesarian, that is their choice. But the article wasn't just about defending people who don't go for the natural option; it was mocking those who think that birth matters.

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  8. #135
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    Oh for heaven's sake! She's not dismissing birth trauma, and she's not discounting birth choices.

    She's simply saying that you don't get to choose your birthing ideology like you might your preferred political party! That there's no us and them, no inferior and superior, that there will be no pop quiz and you're not going to get an HD in "life" for your birth preferences.

    I can see there are plenty of posters here with an axe to grind, but some of you are grinding it on the wrong article.

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  10. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily of the Nile View Post
    I want to say so many things but don't know where to start. All I'll say is the lady is an idiot. If you don't know WHY people have plans for the delivery of their placenta, it shows me you know absolutely nothing about giving birth. If you think giving birth vaginally means you lady bits aren't intact, you know absolutely nothing about womens bodies and child birth.
    If you know nothing, you should write nothing.
    I've had two babies vaginally ... I might possibly have a clue about hold birth??? ... I can't figure out why u would need a birthing plan for a placenta

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  12. #137
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    I actually found the fact she *didn't* mention birth trauma as a sign she's not seeing the whole picture. From the surface a woman may seem demanding and difficult. But when you add the dimension of trauma the penny drops so to speak.

    I guess the article resonated with some and not others *shrugs* theres no right or wrong answer as to how we each feel about it.

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  14. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nemmi View Post
    During ny ds's birth I received a 2nd degree episiotomy, the first I knew about it was when I felt the scissors cut me.

    Fob saw the ob getting the scissors so knew what he was intending to do and said nothing.


    Sent from my MB526 using BubHub
    That is truly awful I am so sorry you had to go through that ... Did fob get a talking to after? I would be furious! Would he allow it to happen again?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smartiecat View Post
    I've had two babies vaginally ... I might possibly have a clue about hold birth??? ... I can't figure out why u would need a birthing plan for a placenta
    Do you want to deliver the placenta in your own time, or do you want an injection to make it come out quicker. Some people prefer to wait for the cord to finish pulsating, others then prefer to wait for the cord to rot off, others prefer to chew it off rather than cut it... then some like to eat it.

    Mine is taken out during my c-section, then cut with scissors and put in a bucket to await burial.

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  17. #140
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    I agreed with everything Mia F wrote in the article. I'm another one who is glad to have doctors, midwives and pain relief at hand :-D

    Totally understand the 'competitive' birthing references. I think that says more about the women who obsess about it than the way babies are born iykwim. I couldn't think of anything worse than free birthing. I feel that in this day and age we have access to excellent medical care just in case anything happens so why not utilize it.

    Doesn't mean I judge women who choose to give birth in a field surrounded by nature with not even a panadol in sight. Each to their own.

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