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  1. #221
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hers&Hers View Post
    I just have to say im sorry to anyone who has suffered abuse from their parents. And thanks to anyome who has shown concern for me and my experience i have done a lot of thinking and reading amd i just have to say, i was not abused, i have never suffered any psychological damage from being smacked hell ive never even had a bruise from it, so i guess im one of the few who smacking was not abuse to them. Unlike many other i can tell you a reason for every single time i got smacked which wasnt many times at all, and as for me and my gran being the only person who has ever smacked me she is the closest person to me and i love her the way i should love mom, i never feared her not then and not now. There really is a huge difference between abuse and smacking but being from different backgrounds and experiences its one thing we will always disagree on. On last note the law isnt always right.
    Again I am anti-smacking and won't do it to my children, but just as herandhers states I also was smacked as a kid. I was never physically harmed (as in the smack never left marks). I never liked it, but I don't think it affected my fantastic relationship with my mum or made me the victim of abuse. My mum would now never smack my children, in fact she says she can't imagine/remember why she ever did, just the way it was back then. So I agree herandhers that you aren't a 'sufferer of abuse'.

  2. #222
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShanandBoc View Post
    See i dont understand this. Hitting a child as punishment for hitting

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub
    Yeah - I can't handle spending time with someone I was friends with because it's hitting all round. She smacks the 2 year old, 2 year old smacks the 1 year old baby, 1 year old baby does something "naughty" and gets smacked, 1 year old smacks the 2 year old. 1 year old gets another smack from mum and I kid you not she says to me "I don't know where she gets it from"... when her toddler started hitting mine and jasper started hitting back I became "too busy" too see her. Because my son doesn't need to learn that.

    Now she never hurt them, she loves them and genuinely seemed to think she was doing the right thing. she wasnt even angry. she was just going through the motions of disciplining her kids.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using BubHub

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  4. #223
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    This mentality is TERRIFYING for me. I'm sorry, but this opens SO MANY doors to paedophiles, etc, that it's really NOT a good thing. You don't OWN your children, nor do you OWN their bodies. You do NOT have the right to them.

    As a random thing, I used to have a quote as my signature, and I should probably change it, but it went like this:
    Parenting is not a right, it's a privilege. Don't abuse it.
    What is terrifying you? I'm a mother who will smack my 4yr old on the thigh should I feel it's required which isn't often. It's a smack, not a belting which is abuse. Smacking is not but you can think what you want. I'm sure some of your parenting methods and choices wouldn't sit well with me.
    what has peadophilia got to do with the way I discipline my child? seriously.... your way off here!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberleygal1 View Post
    What is terrifying you? I'm a mother who will smack my 4yr old on the thigh should I feel it's required which isn't often. It's a smack, not a belting which is abuse. Smacking is not but you can think what you want. I'm sure some of your parenting methods and choices wouldn't sit well with me.
    what has peadophilia got to do with the way I discipline my child? seriously.... your way off here!
    Ten people have thanked her post... T E N

  6. #225
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberleygal1 View Post
    What is terrifying you? I'm a mother who will smack my 4yr old on the thigh should I feel it's required which isn't often. It's a smack, not a belting which is abuse. Smacking is not but you can think what you want. I'm sure some of your parenting methods and choices wouldn't sit well with me.
    what has peadophilia got to do with the way I discipline my child? seriously.... your way off here!
    Sorry, I can't multi-quote. The smacking wasn't what had to do with paedophelia. It was the mentality that your son belongs to you, you can do what you want and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.
    I can tell you exactly where that comes from, and you can read my previous post as well.
    I worry that if we open the doors to "It's MY child, I will discipline them, INCLUDING hitting them, as I see fit, there isn't a cursed thing the law can or SHOULD be able to do to stop me" it opens the flood gates to children being posessions and NOT being protected, based on the fact that they "belong" to parents. It's a very very deep slippery slope, once that sort of mentality starts and can be used to justify anything. YOU might smack. What about John down the road who takes to his kids with a belt/plank of wood and breaks bones? He can use the same excuse "It's MY child. I was disciplining them as I see fit."

    It can also be applied to paedophelia, when a father or mother sexually abuses their own kids. "It's my child. I can do what I want, as I see fit." Unfortunately, there are twisted people in the world who use this reasoning. I'd rather make life that little bit harder for parents, and make sure kids are protected from things like that, than let people who might smack the "right" way(if there is such a way, no one seems to have written back on my experiment, so I'm not sure) continue on with it under the guise of "well, my kid, how I do it is how I do it. Too bad for anyone else who takes that too far, I feel bad for the kids but meh, I want the right to discipline how I see fit. Some people are just gonna have to suffer for that."

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  8. #226
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    my gosh, it's taken ages to get to the end of this thread ~ I read a page and 2 more appear when I get to the end!

    Kimberleygal ~ I agree with PP about your signature. Smacking is not at all likely to stop your kids going to jail. If you read Ulysees posts, you may see that in fact they bacome hardened to this, are more likely to perpetrate the behaviour they see their caregivers meteing out, and are in fact, possibly more likely to do something wrong by society/'end up in jail' etc.

    I think this spanking thing is about powerplay and the 'illusion of control.' That most people want power in some way, and many want control of their world or feel out of control in this world. I think this is what motivated my father ~ and his form of discipline really did spiral into abuse.

    My partner every now and then talks about the 'rule of thumb.' The rule of thumb is that it was legal to hit your wife with any stick thinner than your thumb. He claims this was legal till fairly recently in Tassie (not sure about that, myself)! I'm glad our society changes it's ways from time to time ~ usually takes a generation or so.

    It seems those who were spanked go one of two ways ~ they either use it as discipline, or totally refuse to go there and perpetuate what was done to them as a child. I'm really interested in those who weren't smacked as kids and why they choose this as a method of discipline for their children? Cheers. Not judging. Just interested.

  9. #227
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    Quote Originally Posted by mumma inky View Post
    Ten people have thanked her post... T E N
    10 out of how many people that have posted in the 24 pages of this thread

  10. #228
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Sorry, I can't multi-quote. The smacking wasn't what had to do with paedophelia. It was the mentality that your son belongs to you, you can do what you want and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.
    I can tell you exactly where that comes from, and you can read my previous post as well.
    I worry that if we open the doors to "It's MY child, I will discipline them, INCLUDING hitting them, as I see fit, there isn't a cursed thing the law can or SHOULD be able to do to stop me" it opens the flood gates to children being posessions and NOT being protected, based on the fact that they "belong" to parents. It's a very very deep slippery slope, once that sort of mentality starts and can be used to justify anything. YOU might smack. What about John down the road who takes to his kids with a belt/plank of wood and breaks bones? He can use the same excuse "It's MY child. I was disciplining them as I see fit."

    It can also be applied to paedophelia, when a father or mother sexually abuses their own kids. "It's my child. I can do what I want, as I see fit." Unfortunately, there are twisted people in the world who use this reasoning. I'd rather make life that little bit harder for parents, and make sure kids are protected from things like that, than let people who might smack the "right" way(if there is such a way, no one seems to have written back on my experiment, so I'm not sure) continue on with it under the guise of "well, my kid, how I do it is how I do it. Too bad for anyone else who takes that too far, I feel bad for the kids but meh, I want the right to discipline how I see fit. Some people are just gonna have to suffer for that."
    Thanks for clarifying. I still stand by my thoughts though. I resort to a smack if required, it is a method we chose to discipline our son if we decide to. It doesn't make us terrible parents but of course those that are anti smacking will disagree. We are responsible for our child and that right should not be taken away from us because people dont agree or think its right is what I am saying.

  11. #229
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    Quote Originally Posted by BaronessM View Post
    my gosh, it's taken ages to get to the end of this thread ~ I read a page and 2 more appear when I get to the end!

    Kimberleygal ~ I agree with PP about your signature. Smacking is not at all likely to stop your kids going to jail. If you read Ulysees posts, you may see that in fact they bacome hardened to this, are more likely to perpetrate the behaviour they see their caregivers meteing out, and are in fact, possibly more likely to do something wrong by society/'end up in jail' etc.

    I think this spanking thing is about powerplay and the 'illusion of control.' That most people want power in some way, and many want control of their world or feel out of control in this world. I think this is what motivated my father ~ and his form of discipline really did spiral into abuse.

    My partner every now and then talks about the 'rule of thumb.' The rule of thumb is that it was legal to hit your wife with any stick thinner than your thumb. He claims this was legal till fairly recently in Tassie (not sure about that, myself)! I'm glad our society changes it's ways from time to time ~ usually takes a generation or so.

    It seems those who were spanked go one of two ways ~ they either use it as discipline, or totally refuse to go there and perpetuate what was done to them as a child. I'm really interested in those who weren't smacked as kids and why they choose this as a method of discipline for their children? Cheers. Not judging. Just interested.
    Disagree. There are many people that were smacked as children including Dh and myself and we didn't end up committing crimes and ending up going to jail but I can understand that those that were belted continuously may well be effected in that sense.

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    This articles comes from US parenting site 'What to Expect' ~ posted here for those who think spanking of children is benign and has no repercussions.

    Spanking a Tot Can Make Him Aggressive in Kindergarten



    Need another reason to spare the rod when it comes to disciplining your child? While a swift whack to your misbehaving tot’s tush may net immediate results (aka compliance and good behavior), it’s bad news in the long run. A study published in the latest issue of the journal Pediatrics has found that 3-year-old children whose moms and dads spank them are much more likely to be aggressive themselves at age five (and as they get older). That means they’re more likely to engage in destructive and disobedient behavior, be a bully, or be violent themselves by the time they’re ready for kindergarten.


    Sounds like something you’ve heard before? You’re right -- there have been many other studies in the past that have shown a link between spanking and aggressive behavior. But for the first time ever, researchers in this study controlled for other risk factors (like parental neglect, drug or alcohol use by the mom, maternal stress or depression, physical abuse, and so on) – giving this study and its results even more weight.


    The American Academy of Pediatrics already strongly opposes “striking a child for any reason,” but more than one-quarter of the mothers surveyed in this study admitted to spanking their toddlers more than twice a month. Other surveys and polls have shown that a sizeable majority of adults think it’s okay to spank a child. But researchers and other experts agree: children imitate the behaviors their parents model for them. Parents who hit their children are modeling violent methods of dealing with conflict. When those children face their own conflicts with playmates or siblings, they’ll turn to the behaviors they’ve learned: violence and physical force. And not only does violence beget violence, but spanking also denies children the chance to learn alternative ways of dealing with anger and frustration.


    So if you should never spank a child, what kinds of discipline measures can you impose when your toddler’s behavior is out of hand? Luckily, there are plenty of discipline technique for toddlers that you can try without raising your striking hand – techniques that can not only stop the offending behavior, but ones that can also help teach your tot impulse control, how to differentiate between right and wrong, and effective ways to manage difficult situations. Investing time now to teach your little one why a behavior is wrong and how to better handle frustration or a difficult situation will net the best long term results in the form of a better behaved child.

    Cheers, All!

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