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  1. #11
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    I think it's because he is on a different page. You are trying to be nice, be fair and put your childs best interests first. You perhaps have the same expectations of him. He doesn't share your beliefs. In his world he comes first and his mum might be the same.

    My ex demanded I let him take dd to a cafe when she was 6 days old. I said no and so received the formal request from his lawyer when she was 8 days old. WTF?Of course this won't happen anytime soon. My dd is now 6 weeks old and FOB will come to see her, wake her up and he expects her to pay him attention. Why? Because its about him, his needs, his expectations. My beliefs are different and to get him to change this continual waking of dd I have to write a letter to his lawyer and stipulate this needs to change. Grrr. I find it easier to understand (I don't like it though) if I see his behaviour as selfishness.

    I can empathise with you. Its hard work

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    I think it's because he is on a different page. You are trying to be nice, be fair and put your childs best interests first. You perhaps have the same expectations of him. He doesn't share your beliefs. In his world he comes first and his mum might be the same.

    My ex demanded I let him take dd to a cafe when she was 6 days old. I said no and so received the formal request from his lawyer when she was 8 days old. WTF?Of course this won't happen anytime soon. My dd is now 6 weeks old and FOB will come to see her, wake her up and he expects her to pay him attention. Why? Because its about him, his needs, his expectations. My beliefs are different and to get him to change this continual waking of dd I have to write a letter to his lawyer and stipulate this needs to change. Grrr. I find it easier to understand (I don't like it though) if I see his behaviour as selfishness.

    I can empathise with you. Its hard work
    That's exactly it, he comes first to himself. I find it hard to understand that because DD is everything to me, I plan things around her and make sure her needs are taken care of first, because that's what a caring parent does! I find it hard to understand because it's not hard to do.

    How do you stop trying to understand them and just get on with it? I think that's my problem. Is it easier for you going through lawyers? We haven't enlisted any third party help yet, but wonder if I should so we aren't mercy to his moods/change of plans (he makes plans to visit but is 'too tired' from work or 'needs sleep' etc).

    Still fuming!

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    How do you stop trying to understand them and just get on with it? I think that's my problem. Is it easier for you going through lawyers? We haven't enlisted any third party help yet, but wonder if I should so we aren't mercy to his moods/change of plans (he makes plans to visit but is 'too tired' from work or 'needs sleep' etc).

    Still fuming!

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub[/QUOTE]

    I accept that I don't share the same mindset and see that the effort I put into trying to understand him is 'wasted effort'. I also kind of feel sad for FOB as he will never experience the feelings I have for my children and those feelings are awesome. I have stopped trying to understand him. I don't like going through lawyers-its ridiculous and expensive. I do it when its absolutely necessary and when FOB has pushed/broken my boundaries. Otherwise I text or email and re read every one before I send it. I leave all emotion out (unless its my children's emotions) and just write the facts. I think it might pay you to learn about boundaries, learn how to set them and keep them in place.

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  6. #14
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    Don't go through a lawyer if you can help it. They're ridiculously expensive.

    But have you tried mediation yet? You can go to mediation and sort out what you want and then have this made into consent orders which are legally binding.

    That way, if he tries to swap and change you have the consent orders to back you up. Make sure you keep a record of every time he makes plans to see her and then cancels etc etc.

    I think a lot of the time the swap and change is about control - 'I still have control over you, I want to cancel so I will. What I say goes'

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    Default How Familiar

    Quote Originally Posted by MumToBeat23 View Post
    With the frustration of trying to communicate with your kids' father? And their family?

    I am generally on good terms with XDP.. He frustrates the F&*k out of me though and just doesn't. Get. It. We have a 5 mth old DD who he sees twice-ish a week (not enough IMO but he works 60 hours a week). Anyway, his Mum hasn't seen DD since the day I had her, shes arranged things with me and cancelled, not called when she is going to etc. XDP only told me last night he'd arranged for us to drive 1.5 hrs to see her tomorrow, I asked if he could see if she'd come to us or meet halfway which he said he would.. I reminded him THREE times today and he spoke to her at 8pm tonight and for some reason we are still going the full way to her at 7:30 in the f#+king morning!!!!!! DD isn't even awake then! When I said this, he cracked it and said he doesn't even want to go, he'll see how he feels in the morning.. WTF! I cancelled my appt for a massage and facial (voucher given for my birthday) so we could go, but WHY can't he understand that he needs to ask me or at least work around DD.. Or even keep a plan!

    Argh. Sorry for the novel but I am fuming! How do you cope? I am really struggling not to snap :-(
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    Hi MumToBeat, Iam new to this site and just saw your post and thought how familiar to my own situation hugs

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    Hi BbBbBh,
    Iam new to this site and just saw your post and thought how familiar to my own situation what the F..K are they on
    Iam so depressed over dp and when I thought I knew this man so well, separated 6 months now and Some days I think I still want him in my life but really just for bub hugs
    Last edited by moveing on; 25-06-2012 at 15:52.

  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by moveing on View Post
    Hi BbBbBh,
    Iam new to this site and just saw your post and thought how familiar to my own situation what the F..K are they on
    Iam so depressed over dp and when I thought I knew this man so well, separated 6 months now and Some days I think I still want him in my life but really just for bub hugs

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