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  1. #81
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    Default Awful/Stupid Things People Say When You Tell Them You Have Miscarried

    Actually I know what you mean and I agree. My mum had a miscarriage in between her 1st and 2nd and I overheard her talking to her friend saying "I don't understand why women get all this bleeding and problems these days" as if it were a modern problem. She doesn't know about mine. Feel kinda sad that I can't talk to her about this, but I'm a pretty private person generally.

  2. #82
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    I had my mc 2 months ago and just this week had a friend that knew all about it ask me if I was pregnant again because I look like I'm showing. I wanted to slap her, she knows when I went through the miscarriage and that even if I did fall pregnant the first cycle, there is no way i would be showing yet. I think it drives me nuts as she acts as though nobody else could be suffering anything as bad as her because she has been through multiple miscarriages (20+ yrs ago). And besides she is soooo insensitive that I will do everything in my power to make sure that she doesn't find out we are pregnant next time. Vent over!

  3. #83
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    Anything starting with the words "at least".

    "at least" you can have another child.
    "at least" you know why the baby died.
    "at least" you've already got a child.
    "at least" you've got a supportive husband.

    I try and remind myself that people are just trying to take away some of my grief because they care about me.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to suckysucky For This Useful Post:

    Chillies  (03-10-2012)

  5. #84
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    Default Awful/Stupid Things People Say When You Tell Them You Have Miscarried

    Quote Originally Posted by suckysucky View Post
    Anything starting with the words "at least".

    "at least" you can have another child.
    "at least" you know why the baby died.
    "at least" you've already got a child.
    "at least" you've got a supportive husband.

    I try and remind myself that people are just trying to take away some of my grief because they care about me.
    At least you know you can get pregnant.

    Well that's great but it seems I can't get bubs to stay.

  6. #85
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    Default Awful/Stupid Things People Say When You Tell Them You Have Miscarried

    After our first D&C my MIL said to my Mum "what's wrong with her, can't she have kids?". We didn't tell her about the following 3 miscarriages.

  7. #86
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    I honestly believe that a lot of people are really ill at ease with talking about this topic. Very few people said the right thing - the best response for me has been those people who have let me talk about it as much or as little as I want, who acknowledge that it mattered to me and allow me to feel exactly how I feel at any particular time. The most shocking responses I have found include the following:
    "well at least you can drink again!" ( this was the first response from a really good friend - to be fair to her she pulled it out of the bag after this but I was gob-smacked!)
    "it probably had something wrong with it" (yes - actually it did but that doesn't make me feel any better!"
    And probably my most unfavourite..
    " yes - 1in3 pregnancies end in miscarriage - its really common.." ( so is dying but most people don't see that as a reason to minimise its effect!" and I can tell you nöw that just because it's common does to make it easier to deal with)

    I just love those people in my life who have dealt with my miscarriage well that little bit more and I think it's a shame people find it so hard to talk about - its grief at the end of the day and we are all going to go through grief in our lives!

    Anyway - big love to you ladies x

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    Default Awful/Stupid Things People Say When You Tell Them You Have Miscarried

    My best friend came to hospital as I was lying in e.r waiting for a doctor to give us a time for surgery for my ectopic pregnancy. When I seen her I broke down and cried "it's just not fair, why us?!" to which she replied "oh hun I know you feel, how do you think I felt when you had *ds1's name*"... She said this standing there 22 weeks pregnant, with her 3rd child.. A 5 and 3 year old at home!

  9. #88
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    When I first went to the ER after I had the loss, the nurse took me in a room and did a urine pregnancy test. When it came back positive she tells me 'your still pregnant' so here I am over the moon thinking everythings ok then they send me off for a scan and the Dr tells me 'there's no baby'. I was so angry at the nurse, I mean I knew I could still have pregnancy hormones given that I had just miscarried like 2 hours earlier, but in my emotional state it didn't click. However SHE should have known better! Why would you even say that to someone knowing there was a posssibility the baby was gone.

  10. #89
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    I text 2 close friends as I was about to go in for my D&C and when i come back out I read the received text from one saying something like 'I was jealous of you because you were pregnant but now I'm not'. WOW!!!!

  11. #90
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    Oh how awful and thoughtless! The most insensitive thing that was said to me was "well, it's not uncommon nowadays". I guess she was only trying to make me feel better so there was no hard feelings.


 

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