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  1. #61
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    I've had them all
    - it wasn't meant to be
    - something must have been wrong with the baby
    - at least you already have one child
    - you can just start trying again
    - I had one fried say "I'm glad someone knows what it feels like now"

    After my last ectopic when I went back for a checkup, the dr on call was talking me through my options for trying again and said IVF is the way to go. She then turned to my 3yo and said "so, do you want a brother or sister?" WTF?!?! The poor little kid is already confused enough then you ask her that?!

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by angelini View Post
    Wow, that's awful tulips.

    Just thought of another ... when I told my boss I had to have a d&c she said, right, like an abortion. I was gobsmacked. How could you compare me losing a child that we wanted and someone willingly aborting their baby? What an awful person she is!

    Sent from my Nexus S using BubHub
    Oh no *hugs*

    This happened to me too. After my first ectopic my DH had told a friend of his what happened, the rupture then surgery etc and his friend said 'so you had an abortion?"
    My response wasn't too polite....

  3. #63
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    I'm so relieved to see I'm not the only one who wants to scream at people and their comments.

    Here are the ones I got

    - at least you know you can get pregnant
    - better to happen early then late
    - its for the best, there was obviously something wrong
    - its natures way
    - it wasn't even a baby yet

    And the two that really ****ed me off-
    - midwife - are you sure it's not just a late period (I was two days short of six weeks) and yes ***** I was sure
    - its very common (really? Wow that makes me feel much better...you know cancer is common too but if I found out you had it you probably wouldn't like that to me my response )

    And then after going through this and being a complete wreck I finally return to work for a colleague (close one because only a handful knew I was pregnant) to tell me they were unexpectantly pregnant which I was happy for and excited for her for the sentence to then end with......I'm not going to have it!!!!!,
    Really???? You have just seen me completely destroyed by a miscarriage and you tell me that.

    People really don't think especially health care workers, husbands(mine is a doctor so clearly health care workers can be worst offenders), colleagues and family!!!

    Its been two months and I still get so angry with people and their **** remarks.

  4. #64
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    Another from my MIL "at least it happened now instead of later when it actually looks like a baby."
    Me: "actually, it looked alot like a baby to me when it came out."

  5. #65
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    -The woman who did the ultrasound said "no, it's dead".

    -being told that it was probably deformed.

    -at least you can get pregnant (actually 3 pregnancies in 5 years is considered a fertility issue).

    And the topper...

    my own mother telling me two weeks after my first mmc:

    -"were all really worried about you, we think you should be over it by now."

    And to justify that lovely display of cold heartedness:

    -"but is was just an empty shell, it didn't even have a soul." Well I know someone else that doesn't have a soul mother!

    Its been 5 years sinse that lovely piece of motherly advice and I'm still fuming now.


  6. #66
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    I would be fuming too! What a terrible thing to hear from your own mother!

    I got this from my SIL last weekend when I mentioned that I would be donating a bear to Bears Of Hope on the date that I miscarried (I went through labour so as far as I am concerned it is River's b'day). Anyways, she says: "Aww, dont choose that date because then you will be all down on my birthday."
    Geez, Im sorry, I didnt know I had a choice of what date to miscarry on.

  7. #67
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    I'm so sorry to everyone for their losses and also for all these comments, just some terrible stuff .

    As for me:

    - the day after miscarrying, being told by somebody 8 months pregnant, 'don't worry, it's really common!', after they asked me if I knew I was pregnant. Umm, how does that make any difference to my sense of loss and grief?

    - being asked by the same person, every.single.time I see them, whether we are still trying and how long we have been trying for now.

    - perhaps the worst and most hurtful reaction for me: the people who simply said nothing and pretended as if it never happened. Which is what is happening again now, unfortunately.

  8. #68
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    I'm feeling pretty emotional over some of the things said to women here, but saying it had no soul? OMFG what the hell is wrong with people. My last loss had no fetal pole or HB since it was in my tube. It could probably be described as 'an empty shell' as someone else was so callously told. but it was my baby

    so mine:

    you'll have another (said in a 'get over it already' way)
    you have 2 healthy kids, some people can't have any
    it was only cells anyway
    you can try again in 3 months (after the methotrexate shot last week)

  9. #69
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    Iam so sorry all you ladies have felt the loss of a baby its so heart breaking but only a pain you know if you have ever lost one i have lost 6 the only bad thing that has been said was when i had a scan and the lady wanted a co worker to check to make sure she couldnt find a heart beat the guy walks in doesnt even speak to us shoves the ultrasound probe up there really rough then in his words said yep its dead pulls the probe out and walks out me and the lady look at each other just stunned she said oh iam so sorry about that i have had the usual
    Your young try again
    You will get there give it time (its been 7 years of trying how much more time should i give it)
    must be something wrong with you (my dh has a child who we dont get to see so it must be me)
    Whos fault is it
    Oh well you will just have to be the best aunty then
    maybe your just not meant to be a mum
    Stop thinking about it
    Enjoy this time while you dont have kids you life wont be the same once you do
    it will happen for you one day when you least expect it

    Gee i could be here all day so ill stop now but i will say iam so lucky to have the kindest best friend in the world she understands there are time when i dont want to talk and times when i do and times when i need her help in finding the me who can laugh and have fun as that side of me gets a little lost sometimes

  10. #70
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    Del, I get the 'at least you have two already' comments as well. I know this and I love them eternally. Call me greedy, but I wanted these babies too. 'It was only cells anyway'?!! My goodness Del I'm so sorry that's awful.

    6 years trying, I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what you must have been feeling during that scan . Did you make a complaint? Your friend sounds wonderful. I'm lucky to have an amazing best friend also and truly believe that friends are the family we choose.


 

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