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  1. #111
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    It feels like my heart has been ripped out, with an open, gaping wound left. Unfotunately like every other wound, time may heal it (somewhat) but there will always be a scar.[/QUOTE]


    Im very sorry for the loss of your precious baby. You are quite right, there will always be a scar. I think the only "good" that comes out of losing a baby is that you can support and reach out to others who go through the same, you have an understanding of life and compassion that only comes with losing someone you love.

    And your baby is your baby, and you are his/her mum, no matter whether they are alive or not. I think that is the reason why there is no word for a woman who has lost a child or baby.

    We had a stillborn baby girl 3 months ago and in that time I have been stuck between laughing and crying at just how stupid people can be.

    Its very rude (and shocking) but when people start saying stupid things I say "there is no silver lining in a dead baby".

    I think it helps people stop and understand what the loss is, and realise that their attempts to smooth it over do not help.

    My other favourites include "well this is very common". I say "so is death, but you don't go up to a widow at a funeral and say "oh well, 100% of people die"!

  2. #112
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    I'm so sorry for you I was in a similar situation when I was about 8 - 9 weeks pregnant to my ex....


    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteTulips View Post
    My worst was from a "friend" who told me to "stop falling pregnant because you should stop killing all these babies. You should be the one who dies, not innocent babies".

    I've had 2 mc. One when my xdf and his mates assulted me at 22 weeks in 2007 and another earlier this year at 9 weeks from organic causes.

    I'll never ever forget what she said...as if reliving the assault everyday isn't bad enough, I have the echoes of her bitter words, too.

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  3. #113
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    Having just had a mmc a week ago, and reading this thread, I'm confident in my decision not to tell anyone what happened. People are so insensitive!!

    Of the 2 people who knew, I did get " well at least you know you can fall pregnant!"....after trying for so long, it wasn't reassuring at all!

    I still miss you angel baby Bean - 8wks xx

  4. #114
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    It was a while back now... But I was told...

    You know you can fall pregnant

    Theres always next time

    It wasn't meant to be

    Its been 2 weeks-your still crying?

    I think you have depression

    You need to see someone for anti depressants

    This is not normal, you should be over it by now

    list goes on.... But the worst one... By far...

    "is your father there?...no?...well when you see him next can you tell him we are going to be great grandparents. Your niece is pregnant. Shes on looud speaker! Did you want to congratulate her?"
    Lovely. While still bleeding. From my mum who knew awell to make it worse....
    They got a long silence and I hung up. I couldn't talk and didn't want them to know I was crying.

    Proudly brought to you by me and my autocorrect fail device.

  5. #115
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    I have had two early miscarriages - both at around 5-6 weeks. I hate the term chemical pregnancy because it doesn't acknowledge that although barely developed, these were still my babies.

    unlike many of you, i actually took thoughts like "at least you can get pregnant" and "there must have been a problem with the baby" to be comforting. the first miscarriage was after 2 1/2 years of trying, and three surgeries and i was beginning to think i would never fall pregnant - so falling pregnant at all was a positive step in the right direction. the second miscarriage was unplanned when my daughter was 7 months old. I took comfort imagining that something had been wrong and my baby had been saved from suffering from some horrible illness in early life.

    Having said that, I only told my husband about the first one (until it happened to my sister as well, and i shared my story with her - only because she asked and wanted details to compare her own experience), but was more open about the second one.

    The worst I had was family members asking me if I was sure I had even been pregnant at all. I was only 6 weeks, but i had a definite pink line, which faded each morning over 3 days and that was when the bleeding started... I think I know what happened...

    I also had the whole 'you should be over it by now' after 2 weeks. and 'thankfully it was early on and not like you actually had to give birth to it'. I also had 'at least it's less painful to miscarry early on'. or 'they call it a chemical pregnancy because your body has only produced the right hormones but there was actually no baby'.

  6. #116
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    After the last loss my mother told me maybe it was for the best and time to stop ttc bc I really should be going back to work and buying a house (says the woman who has never had a mortgage ) I also got the 'at least you have 2 healthy kids, maybe the universe is telling you to stop' crap as well... again

  7. #117
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    Some of these are so horrible, people just don't think sometimes, im sorry for all you ladies who have been on the recieveing end. But some that have been mentioned did give me comfort also.

    About 2 weeks after losing our dd at 21 weeks my boss told me "you know it's not healthy to grieve forever" when discussing my return date to work. I'd had a month off and she was so understanding and accommodating at first then tried to push me back into it when I wasn't ready. I'm sorry but since you have no kids at all you cannot comment on how long I can grieve for my baby. Of course I didn't say this just cried my eyes out and left. I quit a few weeks later.

    But worse then any words are the people who just don't acknowledge anything. Obviously Im no longer pregnant. A simple "I'm so sorry for your loss" or a hug really is so much comfort then everyone pretending nothing has changed

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  8. #118
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    Did you have an abortion? Thats what I got asked when I told someone close that I lost the baby. I was devastated that she thought I would ever do that I wanted that baby more than anything.

    People honestly dont think.


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  9. #119
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    I never forgave her for that either.

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  10. #120
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    I so feel for everyone on this thread - geez people can be insensitive - just disgusting...

    When I had my first MC I had been told I was completely infertile and would never have children. I grieved for that long and hard, and after a period of time, pulled myself together, designed a new life and kept on going. Then I met a gorgeous man and once we were in a relationship, the very first time we had unprotected sex I fell pregnant. I was in shock that it could happen, and even though I lost that little one, I knew that I wasn't infertile and maybe, just possibly, I may be able to have a child. You know what my Mum said:

    "It was probably just a one-off"

    Are you frigging kidding me? Instead of being over the moon that the diagnosis of infertility was WRONG, she had to say that? That's the best she could come up with?

    Since then I had a MMC and some of the things some so-called friends said were so hurtful they are no longer friends. One said that the universe is sending me this lesson for a reason, and that I need to review the way I run my business and take time off to focus on a healthy pregnancy - the she said "maybe it's the quality questions that need to be asked like, 'what do I need to do & not do to ensure a healthy enjoyable future pregnancy'?" As if I deliberately did something to kill my baby.

    Other 'friends' when I gently mentioned that I'd lost a baby a few months ago both said in unison "Oh because of stress" - again, as if stress induces miscarriages left, right and centre. Sure, it doesn't help and some percentage of miscarriages may be related to stress, but I had a blighted ovum which is a chromosome issue and nothing to do with stress - so how ignorant.

    It looks like I'm going through a MC as I write, so I'm devastated that it's happened a third time, and although I may tell a few people close to me, I can be sure that very, very few people will get the opportunity to say something stupid and hurtful to me...


 

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