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    Default HELP! How to manage 1 year old behaviour

    Hi everyone
    i have a gorgeous 13 month old daughter who is very bright and happy and affectionate ... but... she has also always been a bit of a crier - ok so she's a total crier but only with me. I feel like a terrible mother and whilst I know she loves me more than anything I fear that I've somehow taught her that crying gets the response from me she wants.

    Can anyone please help me find a way to 'discipline'/ redirect her behavior so that I'm getting more positive behavior from her. She has certainly improved as she's got older. We spend a lot of time together and play and read and sing a lot. She is starting to develop some words which has also helped but people are starting to comment that I am too soft on her and that I am rewarding everything she does.

    Help!!!

    i don't want to smack her and I want to encourage her rather than constantly saying no or being negative however I want her to know her boundaries and to grow feeling guided and secure. I dont want to spoil her by being too soft nor damage her by being too harsh.

    Some examples of her behaviour include hitting her own face when I tell her off, when I say no to her for throwing her food off high hair she looks me straight in the eye and does more. She cries if she doesn't get her way and bangs her head or collapses on the floor. Stiffens her body and doesn't let me out her in her car seat.
    Yesterday she was so worked up she was hyperventilating which resulting with me on tears also!

    This behaviour doesn't happen all day everyday but if she wants something and doesn't get it it's all on!


    Sounds like tantrums but how to curb them in a 1 year old? What am I doing wrong?

  2. #2
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    Aww hon it's tough isn't it!
    Firstly rest assured that your DD is totally normal. My DD is 15 months and what you have described is her to a T. Look, at this age you can't use much discipline. They are too young to understand things like the naughty corner or smacking and indeed if you do them your child will just be thinking "why did mummy hurt me?".
    Basically all you can do at this age is redirection and removal. If they throw food off the table and it annoys you then simply don't give them food on their highchair, feed it to them yourself. If they keep trying to touch the remote, put it high where she can't reach it.
    Tantrums are tough when they are so little. At this age I don't believe they really know what is happening, I think they even scare themselves a little! They aren't trying to be manipulative. But that doesn't mean you should give in and give them what they want all the time! If my DD has a tantrum I cuddle her, soothe her and tell her I know she's upset but she really didn't need that cupcake (for example). I also try to distract her by reading a story or singing a song. The tantrums don't usually last too long.

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    Firstly ...5, 3(x2), 2 and 9 months! I am so impressed and probably getting advice from the right person here! That's amazing!
    So do you think distractions from the tantrum at this stage will be enough to see us through the phase?
    Do you walk away from the tantrum at all?
    thanks so much for your help. Glad I'm not the only one with such a strong willed little girl

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    She is too young for any kind of discipline at all imo. I have a 1 year old and a four year old and I did the same with both. Redirect, distract.. if they keep throwing the food down just take the food and move them from the highchair. The crying is their only way to communicate and as they get more words they will improve with that. For things like crying if you walk away for a minute etc I find the best approach is to remain confident and calm and carry on with what you have to do. For example I need to go down some steep steps every day to collect laundry and feed the dog and have to leave her at the screen door. Or as another example when I leave her at daycare now as I have returned to work.. If I make too much fuss and hesitate then she senses that I am unsure and maybe even fearful. Instead I "empathise" as much as you can with a one year old. I do what I can to reassure her and help her feel at home but I don't hesitate once I decide to go. Don't worry about their behavior too much at this age I don't think. If anything its all really pretty good entertainment!

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    Thanks bummum. I think a lot of it is attention seeking. I will try to go confidently about what I'm doing. I'm sure that'll help. Since she was a baby when she cried 80% of the time I would always call out "Im coming back" so it's probably just developed into a more stressful thing than it needs to be.

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    Mrs Molly Coddle is offline I've admitted in writing that veve is awesome - eeek she has proof!!!
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    At that age, things like throwing food from the high chair is totally normal. She is learning cause and effect she sounds like a very bright little girl. No need for discipline, but redirect her attention to something else. She is learning so much from you more than anyone else and it just sounds like she is very eager to learn! Good luck x

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    Mrs Molly Coddle is offline I've admitted in writing that veve is awesome - eeek she has proof!!!
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    And... Seperation anxiety is completely normal as well. You are her world! It's a good sign that she knows who the important people are in her life

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    Quote Originally Posted by legsintheair View Post
    Firstly ...5, 3(x2), 2 and 9 months! I am so impressed and probably getting advice from the right person here! That's amazing!
    So do you think distractions from the tantrum at this stage will be enough to see us through the phase?
    Do you walk away from the tantrum at all?
    thanks so much for your help. Glad I'm not the only one with such a strong willed little girl
    Haha well I'm no expert but I have learnt to relax over the last 4 kids or so!
    I think distraction and cuddles will see you through the tantrums. i tend not to walk away from tantrums at this age as they will only see you as abandoning them (and remember they don't even really understand what is going on, they sort of get 'swept away' by their tantrum).
    Relax, don't listen to people who say you should be disciplining or smacking. Enjoy your time as a mother to one, as a PP said, it sounds like she is a very bright and loving little girl.

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