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  1. #21
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    I certainly worry... my will specifies guardianship goes to my mother; now that she's got lupus & is very nearly wheelchair bound I do fear my ex will delight in sole parental responsibility and keeping DS from my family. Only hope I have is that I have relatives in the legal profession and they MIGHT pick up the ball. Certainly going to discuss it further with a solicitor and make sure I've done as much as I can on my end to make sure my wishes are complied with as much as possible should the worst happen.

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    If u die and ur child goes to their father, grandparents have legal rights to seek visitation so they can see they're grandchildren..... This is what I was told a couple of months ago while ex and I were setting up our parenting plan

  3. #23
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    What happens if there is not a father? Like, not on the birth certificate, no child support, no contact, etc? My daughter's father and his family would never find out if anything happened to me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    What happens if there is not a father? Like, not on the birth certificate, no child support, no contact, etc? My daughter's father and his family would never find out if anything happened to me.
    Same for me too.

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    This scares me also. I would hope DD's father would just continue to see her a few times a year and my mum would be given custody (or one of my 3 sisters).

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    If there is no father in any sense of the word, then she would go to whom ever is named in your will, providing you have one. Without contact, or knowledge of your death then he can't contest what if doesn't know. That's my guess anyway and I could only suggest everyone talk to an estate planner/lawyer and discuss their own situation so that there are no nasty surprises. Death unfortunately brings out the worst in people

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  8. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    What happens if there is not a father? Like, not on the birth certificate, no child support, no contact, etc? My daughter's father and his family would never find out if anything happened to me.
    If you want the "other" side of the family to be informed of your passing, you can request that in your will (for example, I worked with a girl who had a baby at 15. Although she knows the father's name and DOB, he is not listed on the birth certificate for a number of reasons. In this girl's will though, she has his details, as much as she knows, listed. Not for him to gain custody - and there is no relationship there, so the courts are highly unlikely to award that, but for him to be informed of her passing. He is aware that he has a son, but has never seen him).

    Be explicitly clear in your wishes when writing a will, include evidence of why you are, or aren't, selecting a certain person to care for your kids, include your wishes for the maintenance of family contact, and make sure you have it validated by a solicitor. Don't use one of those DIY will kits (they are valid, but they are more likely to be successfully contested). Kinship care is always preferred by the court, but that doesn't mean blood relations. If your child refers to your Neighbours as Aunty Mabel and Uncle Fred and counts their two kids as "cousins", then if they agree to guardianship if you pass, that's often enough for the courts. They can write a supporting document that is filed with your will too. grandparents and other extended family, especially when there is strong evidence of a relationship, can apply for a court order to have access to the child - so even if a child is taken to,say, NZ, the courts can order regular contact (often ordered to be paid for by the relative seeking the ongoing contact).

    The legal system likes things to be simple,and there is more awareness of kids' rights and supporting their wishes. Talk to you kids and let them know your plans. They need to be able to speak up (if they are old enough) so everyone's wishes are supported.

    I hope this helps.

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    My eldest has never met her father. He lives in Canada, doesn't want to be a parent and only pays child support because I legally forced him to. If I died he would only know because the CSA would tell him, but my family would have no way of contacting him. I hope that he would go some way to check she is taken care of but he he denies any parental responsibility for her, so perhaps he'd just be glad there was no longer anyone to remind him he has a daughter.

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    No, I would not want them to be informed. My daughter will go to my grandmother and would see other family the same as now, except my little brother she would see a few times a week instead of every few weeks. It's in my will and I don't see who would contest it. My father in Victoria who has been up twice, and the first time didn't even see her? Hmm, I don't think so lol.

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    I know I have repartnered but I worry about this as well.

    I have no idea what would happen to dd if I were to die. I would hope that if dp and I had children together a court would want her to stay with her siblings and a man who has been in her life longer than her own father... But I dont know what would actually happen.

    Also, what if I die before I have more kids? Will a court really choose to have dd remain with childless dp who I never married? Would her father say he wants her? That part worries me a lot because he has made no effort to send her so much as a birthday card for a few years now... She would be taken overseas to a man she knows rejected her, his partner who is a horrid cow and away from all people and places she knows.

    If she were in the care of my family or dps family, would the ex's family kick up a stink because they would worry they'd get no part in her life again? Or if she went to live with the ex's sister would my family feel left out as that would require a move over te other side of the country?

    Tbh I think I'd want her to stay with dp... But would he even want to be a single dad to a child who is not his own?

    It's all so worrying and scary... And all I can do is to try and not die.


 

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