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  1. #11
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    I don't know what would happen exactly...
    My DF has raised my girls but they are not biologically his.
    I would hate nothing more than if they went to my ex. He has no contact (my choice, no orders in place) and is not a safe person for them to be around.
    I know my family and DF would fight tooth and nail though and I'm sure they would come best off as I doubt they would put my DD's in an unfamiliar situation that wouldn't be in their best interest.

    Still something worrisome to me though.

  2. #12
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    I have Australian guardians appointed and they know what the plan is. But recent events have demonstrated to me that there is a sort of 'natural order' of things where people just assume that my mother is my children's next of kin. Because I'm civil and try to keep things nice it's apparently just the assumption people make. And she absolutely does not respect my wishes in any way. It's unbelievable actually, how quickly my parental wishes go out the window when I'm not around to state them.

    And there's another conversation to have with my therapist!

  3. #13
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    My kids would go with their respective fathers, and I've got no issues there as exH is a great dad and DD's dad is in a stable relationship with a lovely woman and he is a great guy, so no problems there.

    What worries me is that my family might not see DS much (possibly not at all) because exH would take him back to New Zealand and even if he did stay here, he doesn't get along with my family so he'd probably keep DS from seeing them. That thought saddens me. Oh and the fact that the kids would be separated is sad

  4. #14
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    this is one thing that terrified mum. she celebrated my sisters 18th like crazy, since my sister would have been able to be our guardian. even though shes repartnered, my other mum isnt on our birth certificates, and would have had no legal claim over us, purely as she isnt a man.

  5. #15
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    Hmmm....considering the option of finding a nice, stable 17 year old to adopt. Shame you can't adopt adults. I guess that's where marriage comes in. Riiiigh, back to RSVP with a new agenda...

  6. #16
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    I worry about this too. If I were to die I would hate for ds to go with his father. He hasn't seen him in years. I would want him to go to my mum who is like his second mum but she is a heavy smoker and has emphysema so will probably only live another ten years or so. He could go to my dad and his wife but they too are getting on. My sis and her dp live in melb so if he went there he would be away from everything and everyone he has ever known...it's horrible to think about.

  7. #17
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    Im re partnered but have a dd with my ex husband.it terrifies me that if i were to pass away she would probably end up with him and his wife.things are amicable now but she despises going there(he has her every second weekend and half the holidays) and he does not get along with my parents or my dp so i am fairly certain my two daughters to my current dp and my parents and brother would not see a lot of her if at all.that makes me sad because my parents are very involved in her life she adores them and she is very close to my other 2 girls.
    Fingers crossed my kids and none of your kids will ever have to deal with this situation.

    you only live once...
    but if you do it right ~ once is enough.

  8. #18
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    While I can guarantee that if ex dies before me that ds would absolutely still be involved with his brothers and family through myself. I hold no assumption of the same, it saddens me to know that ds may not be able to see his cousins, aunt and grandma every single day as he does now, especially as at least one of them comes to every appointment and knows all the ins and outs of him off the top of their heads. Everything financial goes to my sister in trust though, so at least i know he will be taken care of practically.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by SPC View Post
    The previous thoughts on why some partnered parents have it as hard as single parents got me thinking. The one thing that really worries me is what happens if I die.

    If I die my two children would be effectively orphaned. They have no other relatives in Australia, because I'm British. I suspect they would end up in temporary foster care for some time, and then would be farmed off to some member of my family who I barely know, or somebody I do know and really don't like, in another country. There are good reasons why I live so far from my family but there's nothing I can do to stop them gaining custody of my children in the event of my death. It's possible that they would be separated, as they have different biological fathers.

    You can't 'leave' children in a will. If there is no father, no partner, no other parent, then a court will always have the final say on where they go. Your written wishes will be taken into consideration, but there is no possibility for peace of mind when you are a lone parent with no secure back up. The thought that they would be completely alone keeps me awake at night sometimes. I make them things, write them notes, take photographs, so that there is evidence of our lovely and fortunate life. Because I have no control over what might be said to them about their origins and about me, if I were not here.
    Why can you not "leave" a child in a will?
    I have specified my brother and exsil will have joint parental responsibility.
    To my knowledge this is enforceable

  10. #20
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    Because a court can and will override your wish particularly if a family member - namely a biological parent - contests the custody of whom you have left your child to. Your will is just your wish, it is not legally enforceable where another custodial parent or next of kin exist. This is where are letter or affadavit comes in where you direct the court as to why you have made this your wish. hth. This is just my limited knowledge and you should talk it over with your lawyer when drafting your will.

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Maia For This Useful Post:

    Hers&Hers  (17-06-2012),SPC  (17-06-2012)


 

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