I need some advice and I don’t have many people to talk to about this, and I thought the subject would probably resinate with a few bubhubers out there.
My best friend and I have been friends for around 7 years, which for me to hold on to a friend and not let life get in the way is a big deal. She knows everything about me and is someone I trust very much. Around a year and a half ago, she told me that her and her hubby were going to start trying for children, a year later still nothing had happened and they went to see a FS. Since then they have done 2 rounds of IUI and now their next option is IVF.
I found out I was pregnant in February this year, just after they found out she has PCOS and he has very very poor motility. The first thing I did was call my Husband and tell him (we weren’t trying and I was on the Pill so it was a shock but a good one) after I told him, the next thing I said to him was, OMG how do I tell my friend. I was so worried about upsetting her and wrecking our friendship that it took me a week and a half to tell them. I was so nervous on the way over there that we had to stop twice so I could be sick. I walked in the door and she took one look at me and ask what was wrong, I started crying and told her I was pregnant, and that he wasn’t planned, and I was so sorry if this upset her. She was so excited for me.
But now things are different. It all started with conversations, she use to tell me every detail about every FS appointment, then it was shortened answers, closed answers or not even talking about the subject. When we spoke about other things, I felt she is holding back and not wanting to share anything with me. I should mention that when I am around her I don’t bring up the subject of my pregnancy, I don’t talk babies, I don’t say anything about it. I figured that if she was comfortable talking about it she would ask me. And sometimes she does.
I recently had my baby shower and I knew that the week before they were going to find out if the last round of IUI worked. I sent her a msg letting her know that I have my fingers crossed for her and that if it is not good news that I am here for her, and that if the baby shower is too much for her that I would understand if she didn’t feel comfortable coming, I even tried to relate to her a little, as I had a M/C in 09 and my cousin and I would have been due around the same time, and I know it was hard going to the baby shower and visiting them in the hospital. I didn’t even get a reply to that msg, they did turn up to the baby shower tho, which meant a lot to me, but she sat in the corner for most of the day and looked as tho she was having the worst time in the world. The next weekend she asked if she could pop by to give us our baby shower present, which she did, and everything was good, and I thought that maybe she was just having a bad day the day of the baby shower and that we would soon be back to our old selves. She painted us some beautiful canvases and gave us some lovely gifts. A lot of thought went in to them.
This last week tho things have changed again. We organised for our group of 4 couples to go to dinner on Friday night, I knew from Facebook that both her and her hubby had the flu. I wrote on her status, telling her to get well soon and to let me know if they were still sick on Friday as I can’t risk getting sick again and if they were that we would not go to the dinner. She responded to everyone else that posted on her status but me. Ok, so maybe she missed it. Another status came up about her being sick again later in the week, I said the same thing to her, again she replied to everyone but me. So I posted on her wall telling her that I was missing her and wanted to catch up but I needed to know if they were still unwell. Still no reply. So my husband posted to the group telling them that we are waiting for this other couple to tell us if they are still sick, because if they are we won’t be able to attend dinner. Her husband then posted that they are still sick and that they will be the ones that don’t go to dinner, which we never asked them to. I was quite happy for everyone else to go. In the end the whole dinner got postponed till next week. And I feel terrible.
To top it off I sent her a msg telling her I was sorry about the dinner but I couldn’t risk it, asking how her week was and what they are doing on the weekend. Still no reply. So I jump on Facebook to have a look, and find that she has written to the girl that organised dinner only 10mins ago asking to do something on the weekend since I cancelled the dinner.
So now I feel like I am being ignored and that she doesn’t want to talk to me because I am pregnant and she isn’t.
I don’t know how to broach the subject with her if I call her and she answers. How to you ask someone if they are ignoring you?
Will this baby effect our friendship for ever? Is this the end of our friendship? How do I help her with whatever emotions she is feeling?
Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?