I have to some degree, but I don't think, "Meh... that c-sec was fine... I'm happy if I never birth naturally."
Telling women they should just get over it is hurtful and criticises women for feelings they do not intentionally have... if I could just somehow be happy about it, don't you think I would be? Don't you think most women would be? You don't get control over what makes you happy and what bothers you... it's just how it is.
FWIW, my caesarean meant my daughter didn't breathe for 11 minutes. If she didn't miraculously start breathing on her own before the paed could get there (he got there long after she had started on her own - at least 10 minutes afterwards), that time would have been longer and lord knows what kind of damage may have been done. She's healthy NOW... and I am grateful of it - but why should women only want health and nothing more? Sorry, but I think I deserve more than JUST a healthy baby... I deserve to come out of hte other side of birth MENTALLY healthy myself, and that just didn't happen after having a caesarean.
Some women will have homebirths, VBAC, natural births... and reminisce about them all their lives. My grandmother talks about her birthing experience - with sadness and trauma in her voice when she does. So clearly, it does bloody matter when you're an old woman.
Stop being so ignorant and hurtful. It's great you dont' care either way, but don't talk down to those of us who it DOES matter to!
I get your point, headoverfeet, but I don't think that's what Clarabelle was meaning.
I took it to mean that if you're happy with how you birthed, and your child is healthy, then it needn't always be such a big thing.
Lots of people in here have said they loved their c-sections and had no issues, and others have said they loved their natural births and had no issues. So, in those cases - isn't that just great all round?
It seems to me that there is a lot of pressure on mums to do things a certain way, and when you're pregnant it can be hard not to get sucked into that thinking of all these different things being massively important. But in years to come, they don't always seem that important any more. I kind of wish we didn't do it to each other - the pressure and the competition.
I remember being very upset that I needed a c-section instead of a natural delivery, but the experience was great, and I would do it again (and will be). I wish I hadn't wasted that time feeling that I 'should' have had a natural delivery. Things that can consume you when you're pregnant or have had a newborn cease to be so major later on, and then you can feel (or at least, I feel) that you wasted so much time feeling upset or guilty about things that aren't the most important things in life.
Anyway, I've probably gone off on a tangent from what Clarabelle meant there!
Just meant to say that I don't think she was trying to say that it doesn't matter if people are injured/ suffering long term consequences from their births.
Of course not everyone minds how bub arrives I have friends who feel this way, but not everyone who is traumatized is because they have some kind of 'high' expectation or standard. I myself didn't have an expectation, other than a healthy baby and preferably not an epidural (because my mum has spinal issues and I wanted to avoid possible trauma). Saying your focusing on the unimportant things is like telling a solider who survives the war he is only traumatized because he is focusing on the bad side too much, at least he is alive. It can feel a bit dismissive.
I hope that makes sense, I'm on my phone feeding bub in an awkward position.
I don't think I will derail this thread anymore I'm happy to chat about it in another thread if needed.
Go take a read through the birth trauma section and go & say that to one of the posters while keeping a straight face!
It's been almost 9 years for me & the other day I had to book my midwife and when talking about my DD's birth I broke down in tears on the phone. With a.complete.stranger.
Not something that I expected to be so raw after so long and certainly nothing I had any control over! It's called trauma for a reason, if you haven't experienced it you should think yourself lucky, not superior.
Details of their birth experience matters.
And who are you to say we should only talk about 'important' things on here? If we all talked about serious things all the time we'd die of boredom and stress. Sometimes it's good to talk about hypothetical situations, soapies, kids names, jokes, what everyone is cooking for dinner. It can be a boredom and stress reliever. Look around and you'll find a 'lot less important' threads to pick on.
Reeling from the shock of what? That we are still talking about something that has been talked to death? There is no right or wrong when it comes to birth. I wish everyone would stop with all the "I'm better than you" nonsense.
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