I want to preface with I love my husband. I know that everyone can be a bit self centred at times, and that's fine, I know I do it too. But there are times when its just not the right time to be selfish in any way and that's what led to this.
DH & I were having, lets call it a discussion, over lunch about the baby and birth and all that. And I casually informed him that if he decided to fall asleep or spent the labour complaining he was hungry/tired/sore that he could promptly leave and wait outside or go home. Bottom line - I didn't want to hear his complaints while I was giving birth. He thought this was unfair and said as such and if I was serious because I didn't really have any 'reason or right' to kick him out at the birth of his child. I replied with two previous examples of why I thought I had 'reason or right' (said sarcastically) to say this:
1. With our first DD, during my labour he complained of a sudden neck pain, made such a song and dance about it that the nurse took him down the ER and he got a shot of pain relief in his neck because he was "so worried he'd miss his childs birth" only to come back up, complain some more, and then fall asleep in the lounge chair. I was more than annoyed, but luckily my mother was also present at DD1's birth so took over. He was awake and helpful during the pushing and the birth, but I was still so annoyed, it was like he stole my thunder IYKWIM.
2. Our second DD (oh look, two examples and two births) he complained once again that "labour takes so long" and he was getting hungry. He left and went home, a good 15 minutes drive away (oh and we didn't have a car) to have something to eat. It literally made me slow down, I thought labour was going to back off again after so many false starts. I hadn't eaten in several hours because of the pain and here he was gone because it had been three hours since dinner. I rang him and asked what he was doing, he was just resting as he was tired and figured I would call him when it was time. I informed him he had 15 minutes to get his a$$ back or there'd be hell to pay. He came back, things progressed and again he was very helpful.
I got over the thing with DD1 as we were both young and I'm sure he was as overwhelmed as I was, lucky I had my mum there. I'm still a little ticked off about the DD2 birth, but you move on from these things and try not to dwell. However today, when we were talking, I let my feelings be known. His behaviour and actions caused me to feel more stressed and I felt like I was so focused on what an a$$ he was being that I couldn't totally focus on myself. And I decided this time round, being the third time, if he couldn't be there for me 100% then he might as well not be in the room causing me stress and either leave or go home. He wondered if I could do it without him, I said yes, physically of course I can do it without him, in the end, it's all on my body and I'm the one who gives birth. Mentally and emotionally, no, I really need him there and want him there but if he's there in a selfish capacity then that's extra cr-p I have to deal with that I'm not going to this time.
He accepted what I said and saw my point of view but still said he didn't think kicking him out was the right thing to do. So was I wrong to say anything? Do I not have the right (after reading all that) to say what I did?