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  1. #11
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    It would depend on why you broke up and if issues are resolved or keep resurfacing.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by missybubble View Post
    No kids involved which is good. He has a trust issue with me (the first time I left him I'd kissed another guy, I know, shame on me ), which is the main hurdle. I think it needs a lot of time and for us to communicate with each other.
    Our relationship ended because I caught DH (back then we weren't married though) cheating with another woman. I decided to forgive him, and within the week he hooked up with his ex (who had cheated on him and fell pregnant to his best friend). He ended it to be with her. I had also messed up and slept beside a guy (NOTHING HAPPENED but that's irrelevant ). It was also a very abusive relationship. So trust was a massive massive deal for us when we got back together. We both felt betrayed, and it took a lot of time to work through that. We also had a 12 month old daughter in the middle of this mess. Even now there are still trust issues BUT we are slowly working through them. And we do trust each other, but it's a very slow process. We both need to earn trust back and over the last 3 years have been doing just that.

    It is possible to recover from something like that. Not easy by any means, but it is possible.

  3. #13
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    For me personally - no. I believe that if a relationship ends it is usually for a reason, and if the issue is big enough to cause a split, not just an argument, then its probably best to move on - in my opinion, for me.

    In saying that, ive seen people have spells and work it out. Each to their own. Goodluck

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  4. #14
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    DP and I have been together nearly 9 1/2 years now, we separated right on 7 years for a couple weeks due to a break of trust. We worked hard to keep what we have and still do work hard to keep it. It was when we fell pregnant last year but then m/c that we just knew we should be together. I think as long as there is give and take from both sides and lots of communication you can keep trying. I guess it comes down to whether you feel you can still be together. We did some couples counseling which helped us, but didn't for some very good friends. A relationship needs nurturing and you do have to work at it.

    I hope it works out for you the way you want it to

  5. #15
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    missybubble is offline I'm a strange one, but I'm good at it :)
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    I appreciate everyone's input. It's super early days, we've only just started talking again and I'm just coming out of a relationship so nothing will happen for a while (I know, on the rebound and all that.)

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by missybubble View Post
    Thanks for your replies guys. What if, you'd been with someone 7 years, broke up for a few months, got back together for a few months, and then broke up again, any way you could see that working? I guess some things would have to change, I know we'd take it very slowly third time around...cos I wouldn't want to break up again!
    My (now) DH and I broke up for a few months many years ago. Both got new partners for a bit, but still kinda saw each other.
    We got back together and really discussed why we broke up in the first place and said if we broke up again that would be it as we worked on those issues.
    If you did the same then ill say it won't work, however if you haven't explored why in the first place then sort that out and give it another go

  7. #17
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    I'm going through a similar thing OP, exDP and I have a 5 and a half month old DD.. We have broken up twice before and are now split. In hindsight we've never seriously addressed our issues. We 'say' we have, but it lasts a few weeks and we are back to square one. This time though we are not trying to get back together - we are focusing on ourselves separately and our DD. We have a view of getting back together in the future but want to give it until the end of the year before we do - so we can make sure any changes made are permanent ones..

    To those who did counselling, do you think that was the 'fixer'? Would you recommend it for us? Would it work if we aren't actually together but wanting to make it work in the foreseeable future?

    Sorry to hijack OP.

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  8. #18
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    DH and I have recently separated (again) but this time I think it's permanent.
    We have broken up a few times.
    When we first started going out, he was working away which was fine because it was just the two of us then put two children into that mix it made it very hard with him always working away, in an industry where cheating on partners can be a common thing (He works in the mining industry)
    He would always tell me about one of his work mates having a gf in the town they were working in or the boys going out to the local pub while working away and picking up (while their partners are at home with the kids!)

    For me, there's a lot of trust issues. Finding messages from other girls, not knowing if he is cheating on me.
    In my experience, once the trust has been broken its VERY hard to regain.
    We have broken up and got back together so many times, and enough was enough.
    Counselling has come up in conversation a few times but he isn't willing to go. He doesn't see the point

    Another issue for me was my parents separation. This has affected the way i see relationships. They were together over 25 years. They were both unhappy together for the last 10+ years and only stayed together for my sister, brother and myself.
    I didn't want to stay with DH just because we have kids together.
    DH and I still remain friends and I stay at his house with the kids occasionally so we can still do "family" things together.

  9. #19
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    I think it can but I think it depends on you and your partner. You can't break up with someone and then get back together and expect everything to be ok, you both have to work on it, that's even before you get back together, you both need to recognise what went wrong, go to councelling if need be, take it one step at a time. Sometimes it can be a good thing to take a break (or to even break up) for a little while while you both sort yourselves out, I know people that have been apart for ages and gotten back together (after working things out separately) and their relationship is even more stronger, but others it doesn't always work.

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  11. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by missybubble View Post
    As above, do you think on-off relationships can ever work? Like even if you've already broken up, and get back together, can it work? What do you/did you have to change? Thoughts please.
    Yes. Many moons ago DP and I broke up for about 3 months. I broke up with her and during our separation I worked on becoming less selfish, more caring and in general, being a better person.
    And she learned to tell me off lol. It took a few months after we got back together to really feel comfortable again, but 7 years later and I think that three months was the best thing we've ever done


 

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