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  1. #1
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    Default Really need opinions.. in a difficult situation

    So a month ago me and my bestfriends sister, (I'll call her M) moved into a rental together; we both have a child the same age and wanted to save on costs of living etc. Since i've been bestfriends with M's sister for over 11 years, it seemed like a good idea. Everything has been going pretty well, house-wise so far. Our house has two separate living areas, everyone has their own bedroom/bathroom, storage, fridge etc so it's not as though we live in eachothers pockets.

    Three weeks ago my bestfriend, (I'll call her L) and her boyfriend came over for some drinks one night and brought along a guy I have being getting to know via phone (I'll call him S). I had previously met him New Years eve and I was living insterstate at the time so we stayed in touch, having regular phone calls. He ended up pretty much staying here since the night they all came over, having only slept at his house 3-4 times since and we have just recently cosidered ourselves official. He has been extremely good to me and my DD in this time. He set up a tv and surround sound system in my loungeroom, tidied and cleaned up the backyard, brought odd things for me for around the house, cooked me dinner, brought DD presents, met my family and vice versa and made an effort with my DD. He is the first guy I have really liked since my ex and let into my heart and life with DD.

    L has told me things from S's past, as her boyfriend is a very close friend of his. I told her that I would like to make my own mind up about him rather then what could be chinese whispers and that any stories she has heard are not 100% confirmed anyway,which she agreed. She even encouraged me to follow my heart, however tread carefully. S has made mistakes in the past that he has admitted to and clarified on, I like to give poeple the benefit of the doubt as I would hate to damage the foundation of trust so early on in relationship. There is a huge contrast so far between him and my ex, whom was extremely abusive, so I am not naive and also not going to accept being treated poorly or be manipulated again. L has told me stories of money going missing/stolen?, in S's old house. S was living with a friend and would have people over and money would go missing from peoples wallets. S has told me about these incidents and I must admit I am unsure of all details and given his character so far, I tend to believe him but of course I can never be sure, or would I ever know.

    Anyway, more to the story.. the other night S came over and we were hanging out watching tv and sitting by the fire enjoying eachoters company. I honestly thought to myself that night that I havn't felt this happy in a long time, considering all my history with my nightmare of an ex and I felt so lucky to have him in my life. I was feeling tired and my DD had kinder the next day so needed to get to bed. S wasn't tired so i asked if he minded if I went to bed and off I went. He ended up coming to bed around 3am. So he was left alone while everyone was asleep.

    The next day my house mate (bestfriends sis) M, takes her DS to daycare and then goes to my bestfriend L's house. I get a message from L, saying call me asap. So i call her and she starts accusing S of stealing $180 out of M's purse which was left in her handbag in her loungeroom. My heart dropped and I was extremely confused, shaking and scared on how to confront S with the issue. He was in the shower at the time so it gave me 5 minutes to process it all. I could not believe it and was hoping that it was just a error she has made and misplaced her money. The night before M claims she counted her money just before she went to bed and left it under her coffee table. The next day she went to the shops to pay for something and then discovered she had no money in her purse.

    A few days earliar she was getting a little fed up of S been over all the time and was getting my bestfriend L to let me know she wasn't feeling like it was her house anymore. I respected this, althought was a little unsure how she felt this way, when we hardly even bumped into her and the house is designed in a way that the only thing we share is the kitchen, however I didn't want her to be uncomfortable in her own home and was willing to compromise and only have S stay over X amount of times. M got to know S and took a liking to him as well so this came as a shock to everyone that her money had suddenly disspaeared.

    So yesturday when I confronted S, he became quite upset, angry. I didn't directly accuse him as it can not be 100% proven if he did do it. M in my opinion can be irresponsblie and spends money on crap all.the.time, she is also very untidy and messy and leaves crap laying around in her own living spaces, this is why I can't be 100% on whether or not she has misplaced it or made a mistake. S wanted to go back to his house, after I broke the news. I was crying and confused, he was angry and so he packed up a few of his belongings and i drove him home. He left M his last $100 as he said he felt bad for her, as the money was supposed to be paid for her sons daycare and psych appointents etc. This does not make sense to me as why would you give someone money for their apparant stupidity in losing that amount of cash? But then he says he doesn't want her to be left short as shes a single mother and not in a financial position to be that amount out of pocket. M has threatend to call the police and has made it very clear to me he is not welcome back in out house.

    I am now receiving text messages from L, warning me that he is not to be near M and her DS or aloud at our house. L and M believe he stole her money, I on the other hand, are stuck in the middle and feel as though they can not be 100% and just what if they are making a mistake. This could ruin my friendship with my bestfriend & my housemate if I choose to believe S or it could potentially ruin the best thing thats happened for me and DD in a long time. I don't appreciate my bestfriend making these demands in regards to my house/life and where I can visit my boyfriend but on the other hand if he did do it I see their point completely. What do I do.. ? (( How do I get to the bottom of this?

    Thanks for reading and would appreciate any advice

  2. #2
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    Let me get this right.... Your housemate left her handbag in the lounge with cash in there?

    This guy was left unsupervised in your house?

    Your housemate has no cash left in her handbag the next morning?

    You are unsure about where your loyalties should lie?

    Really?

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  4. #3
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    I actually think its a hard one.

    Because on one hand he could have taken it on the other she could have set it up and he didnt take it.

    Without knowing the people its hard to tell.

    Its strange she told you these things about him, then was not happy about him being around, then her money goes missing. hmmm...

    But on the other hand what if he did take it.

    Does he work? have money? did he take all her money or just a part of it? was $180 all that was in her wallet?

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  6. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    I actually think its a hard one.

    Because on one hand he could have taken it on the other she could have set it up and he didnt take it.

    Without knowing the people its hard to tell.

    Its strange she told you these things about him, then was not happy about him being around, then her money goes missing. hmmm...

    But on the other hand what if he did take it.

    Does he work? have money? did he take all her money or just a part of it? was $180 all that was in her wallet?
    I didn't think of the possibility of her setting him up??

    Is that possible OP? Would she do that?

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    I wouldn't think she would be as manipulative as that. It has crossed my mind. The consequences for either her doing it on purpose are huge and she knows this and for him as well. He would lose me and my DD. He earns enough money and $180 is nothing to him. There is no motive for him to steal. I'd like to think something else has happened and that she is saying she counted her money before she went to bed to back up that it is missing? when she really did lose it. Or when she went to the shops the next day it has fallen out of her purse then along the way. There's so many what if's. This is really hard

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    Missie mack, I agree, although he is definitely not welcome here anymore, Ive recieved copious text messages from M and L letting me know they are not comfortable with it. I have to respect that. I'm still processing it all and undecided if me and S should go our separate ways

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    Gosh, what a difficult position to be in.

    I would probably take a break from having S over for a bit, tell him that you don't think he did it but M obviously now has it in for him and it's only going to cause problems for everyone if he is around. If he is a decent guy he will understand, and not want to make things difficult for you at your home. Can you visit him at his house instead?

    See if things die down a bit, M might find her cash somewhere over the next couple of weeks, or L might admit that she put the idea into M's head to set him up or accuse him falsely to get him out of the house...

    I think it all sounds a bit suss to break up with S over it. If anything further suspicious happens that doesn't involve M and L then yeah, give him the flick.

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    Tough one. These are the things that would, personally, convince me that S is a risk and and not to be trusted:
    1. Obviously money went missing the very night after he decided to stay awake, by himself, in your house. How was M to know that he was awake until 3am and then conveniently decide to say that money was missing from her wallet. It is too much of a coincidence that the complaint came the very night after he was unsupervised

    2. He offered, apropos of nothing, to give M $100 because he 'felt sorry for her'. I find that very strange. Does he work? Is he wealthy enough to do this?

    3. He has a past history of stealing in just this way. Not something you want to dwell on if starting a relationship with someone, but something to consider when he is being accused of theft that occurred in a very similar way. It could be that he has a propensity to act this way.

    Looking at all of those things, yes it could be that M has acted in an incredible machiavellian way to get rid of a hosueguest who may have outstayed their welcome, but I think a far more likely scenario (I am willing to bet on it) is that he stole the money.

    Sorry, I know this is a rotten situation to be in. For those reasons I would be inclined to believe M, and part ways with S.

  12. #9
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    did you say after being confronted he gave M $200?

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Artful View Post
    Tough one. These are the things that would, personally, convince me that S is a risk and and not to be trusted:
    1. Obviously money went missing the very night after he decided to stay awake, by himself, in your house. How was M to know that he was awake until 3am and then conveniently decide to say that money was missing from her wallet. It is too much of a coincidence that the complaint came the very night after he was unsupervised

    2. He offered, apropos of nothing, to give M $100 because he 'felt sorry for her'. I find that very strange. Does he work? Is he wealthy enough to do this?

    3. He has a past history of stealing in just this way. Not something you want to dwell on if starting a relationship with someone, but something to consider when he is being accused of theft that occurred in a very similar way. It could be that he has a propensity to act this way.

    Looking at all of those things, yes it could be that M has acted in an incredible machiavellian way to get rid of a hosueguest who may have outstayed their welcome, but I think a far more likely scenario (I am willing to bet on it) is that he stole the money.

    Sorry, I know this is a rotten situation to be in. For those reasons I would be inclined to believe M, and part ways with S.
    I agree with the above comments. I would definately slow the relationship down. Start dating outside of the house without your little one if possible and see how things go from there. Good luck!


 

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