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  1. #1
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Default Sometimes I really wish my ex just wouldn't have the kids overnight............. Vent

    This is more a vent than anything, but would definitely appreciate some suggestions from you lovely ladies (and men if you're reading LOL)

    XH has had the kids since Friday afternoon - dropped DS1 to school this morning and then brought DS2 home to me. OH.MY.GOD. DS2 has been SUCH a handful since he's been home!! And it happens after every overnight stay with XH. I just don't know what to do anymore!!!

    Here with me, the kids have routine. DS2 goes to bed for his day sleep at around 10-10.30am and will sleep for 2 hours-ish.

    Dinner is eaten at 5pm, then into the bath for a decent play, out for cuddles and story (sometimes incorporating DS1's reading homework) but basically just some nice quiet time before bed.

    Sometimes bed time can be an issue but generally DS1 is in bed and asleep around 7pm. If DS2 is tired enough, he goes to bed first and goes to sleep quickly however if he looks like he's going to be a pain over bedtime, then DS1 goes to bed first and is asleep within 15 minutes and I put DS2 to bed maybe half an hour later - and he also goes to sleep within 15 minutes.

    BUT after coming home from their fathers house, DS2 is a nightmare. He won't sleep. He won't eat properly. He doesn't listen. He hits me and laughs. Both kids tell me that they sleep in bed with their father which just infuriates me seeing as when we were together he flat out REFUSED to let the kids in bed with us.

    It's just so hard to deal with sometimes. I often wonder if it's just DS2's age because honestly, DS1 is an angel - going to his father's doesn't affect him at all. But I feel like I get them back and put all this effort into getting DS2 back into his routine and then it's off to their dad's for the weekend again.

    I know I just have to persevere with it but just needed to get it out.

    Thanks for listening to my whinge.

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    I feel the exact same way sometimes!! DS goes to stay with his dad at Ex MIL & Ex FIL house. Ex MIL has told me straight out that she just can not bring herself to disipline DS at all . Of course as 2yr old doesnt need much disipline but she just lets him do / eat anything and everything he wants.

    Also, after last drop off DS came up to me and said 'dog sh!t' he's NEVER heard that from me!! I mentioned it to her at next pick up and she just laughed and said 'oh yes i know he says it' umm... so correct him!! Also, she told me in hysterics that he told his Nunno 'f%ck yaah' after he walked off . I did not laugh and immediately told her i didnt want my son swearing! I've since listened to him and believe he would have said 'back here'... even so, i cant believe that they'd just laugh at it thinking he'd said the F word!!

    That said.... there is nothing we can do about it is there? We can harp on all we want about their routines etc but they're just going to do what they want anyway. Im just thankful that for the moment DS is learning from me 80% of the time and his father etc only 20% of the time!!

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    OMG that would drive me crazy over the swearing!!!! Gibbs slap anyone??

    I finally got through to my DS2 today. I just need to persist with him and hope that eventually he'll learn that there is one set of rules for dad's house and one set of rules at home.

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    Oh I can sympathise with you, when dd and ds go to their dads for an extended period like a week of the holidays ds is a nightmare when he gets home and he's 6 !

    Dd hates going to her dads place. He doesnt look after them the way I think he should, he doesnt brush dds hair, he doesnt make them brush their teeth or have a bath or change their clothes. He forgets to feed them and even though he has a 3 bedroom house and the kids have their own room they all sleep in the lounge room together, he also lets them watch MA15+ movies, dd is 9 and ds is 6.

    He also hasn't bought dd or ds a birthday gift this year, he told them he couldn't afford it as he put all his money through the pokies, he earns over $70 K per year mind you.

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    I hear ya. Every time DD comes home from a weekend with her dad it takes a couple of days for her to come down off the sugar/preservative high. Last time she came home she had nightmares because FOB's sister let her watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer "just to see if she would get scared".

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    Same over here. It drives me mad but at the same time, that one night a week is all the break I get so I do feel like I need it. Although sometimes, when they come back feral, I question if it was worth it.

    Why are some men (SOME I say before anyone gets on the defensive) so downright irresponsible? Parenting is more than just mucking around and spoiling the kids by letting them do whatever they want to compensate for the fact you're not 100% in their lives. Gaarrhhh

    On a positive, I am finding it's getting easier with the older one. As he grows he seems to be becoming quite capable of understanding that there are certain expectations at Dad's and others at Mum's. The little ones are the toughest, because they're too young to understand and really lose it without routine

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    My DD goes to MIL and FIL for 2 days (sleep over) every week. It was something that started between DD and MIL and I kind of like it BUT DD is tired, exhausted (playing with her 2 cousins for 2 days and they don't nap) and grumpy. It used to be worse but as she gets older it is less noticeable.

    I suppose what I'm to say, in the nicest way possibly, is you should probably grit your teeth and bare it. You do know your child best and all the routines etc but the reality is they need to explore different things even if it does drive you crazy. I have a rule what happens at Grannies and Grandads stays there. What they feed her and do with her makes her happy and I'm not going to be a grumpy mum about it.

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    *Hmmm grit my teeth and bare it because my child is exploring different things*. The gritting is wearing out my enamel!

    OP I hear ya. DS came back on Sunday and has been a handful. Hitting, swearing at me, name calling, the rudeness! Grrr. Its the confusion that my little one has that upsets me the most as well as the head games my ex plays with him. He is now at his dads again tonight so in the morning I will need to contain him again. Its difficult to say the least.

    Edit: And if I mention this to the ex? 'Well it must be you. He's great with me"

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    Edit: And if I mention this to the ex? 'Well it must be you. He's great with me"
    OMG don't you just feel like this

    Here's the update for the day - when I finally got DS2 to sleep, he slept for over 3 hours. I had to pick him up out of bed and put him in the car to get DS1 from school and he continued sleeping!!!! This is not the behaviour of a child who has had enough sleep while at his father's house

    After dinner, I discovered that XH hadn't packed DS2s bear in their suitcase. Sent text, no reply. Forty minutes later, while kids were in the bath, I called XH repeatedly until he answered. Yes he'd gotten the msg, yes he'd found the bear but he's had too much to drink to be able to drive and 'DS2 didn't sleep with it while he was here anyway'

    When asked if he had gotten on to child support today, I was told 'I've not long walked in the door from work'

    mm-hmmmm riiiii-ght - so you've not long walked in the door from work yet you've already had too much to drink to be able to drive???????

    STOP BLOWING SMOKE UP MY A$$ FFS!!!

    So I had to go and pick up the bl00dy bear. XH then proceeded to open the back door of the car to talk to the kids and let all the warm air out!!

    I was then given parenting advice from DS1(6) and he proceeded to then apologise for sucking his thumb because he 'gets in trouble for it at dad's house'. He only sucks his thumb at bedtime and has done so since birth. I figure he'll get out of it in his own time and it gives him comfort - I'm not going to put pressure on him and as much as I don't want to do it, I almost found myself telling him that he could do it while he's here but listen to dad at dad's house.


    AAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!


 

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