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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachell View Post
    Just a thought I had to add to my previous post, could you maybe take your daughter to a private child counselor/psychologist who works in the area of s3xual abuse? (if the ones on offer haven't seen her yet )
    The reasons I say this is because
    1, it will help your daughter sooner
    2, what ever she tells the counselor will be kept on file and will stand up in court.
    Kids see police etc as high authority people and she might be holding back about the full details and be frightened to really go into detail about how,what,when and where (although I wouldn't expect a child to remember every single detail, it might just help put more story together, fill in the gaps about what happened)
    You said your dd said that she didn't want to get him in trouble.. Maybe she thinks by telling the police or anyone involved with them the full story he will get in lots of trouble..

    Child counselors/psychologists might be a really good way to go in the sense that it will hold up in court, she also might be clearer to them and have a better chance of getting justice.
    She might not see them the same way she see's the authorities.

    I know she was so young when this happened, I also know you said that counseling will be offered, but in the mean time whilst your waiting their is no harm in getting her into seeing someone else.
    I don't know who will be offered by child protection/police to council her, I don't know how all that works or how long it takes to see one
    As time goes by she might close off certain parts of the event, especially after its all out in the open now.

    Once again I'm so terribly sorry that your daughter went through such a gut wrenching crime.
    Especially from some one she should be able to trust.

    Does your Ex know that this has come to light?

    I really do hope the legal/justice system makes us proud this time and they pull their act together.

    I have been thinking of you and your daughter all day.

    Hi Rachell,

    Thank you for thinking of us and for your advice. I honestly hadn't thought about seeking councilling outside of what has been offered (through SACASA? I think) I have been overwhelmed by so much all at once but it is definitely something both she and I need. I'm so lost When it comes to what to do next. As far as I know, he hasn't been spoken to yet but I do know that all the police where going to do was literally "go and talk to him". I don't understand why it is being handled so badly, we have done everything that has been asked of us and given as much information as we could and still I feel like they don't care at all.

  2. #72
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    I would like to send you the biggest hug possible. as I was abused as a child myself I wish I told my parents. (didn't tell them till I was in my 20's) so they could of done something. When your daughter is old enough to understand everything she will love. And respect u so much more for helping in what ever way u can. I hope you get justice your daughter deserves it and u do 2. Your daughter is blessed to have your help and support in this horrible situation and I am sending you both lot's of .

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    Devastated  (14-06-2012)

  4. #73
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    I don't really know what to say, I cried reading your post. I feel devastated for you and your family. The Justice system is absolutely ludicrous when it comes to dealing with sexual assault. I am so sorry you are going through this.

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    Devastated  (14-06-2012)

  6. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devastated View Post
    Hi Rachell,

    Thank you for thinking of us and for your advice. I honestly hadn't thought about seeking councilling outside of what has been offered (through SACASA? I think) I have been overwhelmed by so much all at once but it is definitely something both she and I need. I'm so lost When it comes to what to do next. As far as I know, he hasn't been spoken to yet but I do know that all the police where going to do was literally "go and talk to him". I don't understand why it is being handled so badly, we have done everything that has been asked of us and given as much information as we could and still I feel like they don't care at all.
    'Braveheart's can definitely help you with this (counselling) Devastated.

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    Devastated  (14-06-2012)

  8. #75
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    I work as a child psychologist and although s3xual abuse isn't my speciality, I have dealt with this (sadly and horribly) many times before. My advice follows on from others who have suggested finding someone independent who can help you and your daughter. Reports from psychologists are admissable in court and will help build a case against the perpetrator. Additionally, there mandatory reporters (teachers, police officers, health care workers, etc) MUST notify child protection agencies of suspected abuse. This will build a file against the perpetrator which often leads to an investigation by Child Welfare Officers, and involves the police.
    I'm not sure where you live (SA?), so I can't offer you any specific advice for your area, but feel free to PM me and I'm happy to network if I can. Good luck to you and your family. Being their for your daughter really is the best thing you can do for her. But for long term recovery and acceptance, most people benefit from specialised assistance from properly trained psychologists or psychiatrists.

  9. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Wickedly Happy For This Useful Post:

    Devastated  (14-06-2012),Kiplusthree  (13-06-2012),lovesushi  (13-06-2012)

  10. #76
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    Sorry it has taken me awhile to come back to respond. I was trying to get my house in order yesterday in preparation for Child Protections "home visit" today but I have just received a call at work saying that they won't be coming as the worker is sick, really feels like I killed myself for nothing yesterday now. My house is generally tidy but I went to so much effort to make it literally spotless so they would have nothing to pick on me about. My partner "P" thought I was being ridiculous but I just thought it was better to be safe... I tried calling the same worker yesterday to see if they were going to help me obtain an IVO and was told she would call me back and she never did so when her associate called this morning I was furious and demanded to know if they were going to help us with this, I now have to go to court next Monday and the IVO will be organised. They will serve my ex and allow him the chance to fight it but 1. I don't think he will and 2. If he does, surely he will lose anyway! If he does fight it and stops the IVO being issued I will likely lose my sh!t at that point! Does anyone know what I can expect when it comes to going to court to apply for the IVO? I'm not sure if I need anything or have to do anything to prepare.

    I have been reading through the Bravehearts website this morning and am going to call them once I finish work today so hopefully they can organise some councilling for my daughter fairly quickly and maybe give me some advice at what else I can do (for myself and all my children). Other than that we are just plodding along, my daughter still seems to be doing ok which I am thankful for but I can't help but worry about how she REALLY is if that makes sense?

    I am getting busy at work now so I'll try and get back to BH later. Hope everyone is having a good day x

    BTW- Wickedly Happy, I am in Victoria. If there is anything you can think of that may help I would appreciate any advice. Thank you x

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  12. #77
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    Generally it'll be heard in chambers and I suspect this particular matter will be as he is not yet convicted of the offence. They will hopefully grant an interim order to provide protection in the meantime which the police generally serve on him. they will then set a further hearing date for a final order, which are usually for a period of twelve months to two years. There are standard conditions plus additionals which you can apply for however I would ask the court specifically what they are as I think they vary from state to state.

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    Devastated  (14-06-2012)

  14. #78
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    Have you been provided any documentation from police or child protection? If you have, take that with you or phone police and ask them for the reference number for your matter. Or even the investigating officers name and child protection workers name if you dont have anything. The court can call them if needs be. The interim avo will probably be granted as they will likely err on the side of caution and hopefully when the next hearing date is listed the police and CPS will have more of an idea of what's happening.
    As for tidying the house etc, I wouldn't worry about it, it doesn't need to be spotless!

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  16. #79
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    the most important thing in my opinion is justice of course but to make sure your DD knows without a doubt:
    that she did nothing wrong
    can talk opening about it to you
    no matter how upset you get it has absolutely nothing to do with ANYTHING she has done or said,
    and above all counselling will help reinforce that.

    She has survived it so far but so many people use the abuse they suffered as an excuse for drug/alcohol abuse to help them forget about everything. They let the abuse haunt them for the rest of their lives. There is no right or wrong way to handle this except to do what is in the best interest of you little girl.

    Maybe having a talk with her school and maybe suggesting they raise a bit of awareness (in time) with all the kids. I remember my school did this by offering a day where anyone can report things that grown ups do to kids that they dont think should happen (with the knowledge they cant get into trouble for reporting), they put up examples such as anyone touching private area's without permission, beatings, neglect etc

    I really do not envy you. goodluck

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    Devastated  (14-06-2012)

  18. #80
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    i tried to post you a message and could not figure out how but just wanted to say i am going through very similar if you ever want to chat, i feel the same way. i actually came on here to see if there was any information on same subject and saw your notice

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