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  1. #61
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    Hi hun.

    I was the one who suggested recording the ph call (as it was one of a few things my mother did when she found out about my father)

    Im not sure what the legalities are, though it does boil my blood at the thought that you possibly couldnt use a recorded confession (have no idea what is wrong with the legal system) Im not going to say that I know them so probably best to find out first xx I could ask my mum what happened with it but the thing is he got spooked and changed his plea to guilty so for us it never went that far I guess?

    I did want to say that I was that little girl, in pretty much exactly the situation that your daughter is in now.. My biological father started abusing me.. well for all I know as far back as a baby? I dnt know because like your sweet girl I didnt know times/dates at that age! (ridiculous) I didnt come forward until I was 12. after things had developed much worse.. this is because the feeling.of responsibility fear and confusion is so immense! As a child you simply dnt understand why and assume it is your fault.. as we all feel going against our parents is 'bad' as children, you have no idea they could possibly be the bad guy..

    What she has done is one of the hardest things a little one can do, its incredibly scary coming forward, and even more so being questioned hy strangers following.. she is an amazing brave and strong little girl

    more coming (on my ph)



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    Devastated  (12-06-2012)

  3. #62
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    Just a thought I had to add to my previous post, could you maybe take your daughter to a private child counselor/psychologist who works in the area of s3xual abuse? (if the ones on offer haven't seen her yet )
    The reasons I say this is because
    1, it will help your daughter sooner
    2, what ever she tells the counselor will be kept on file and will stand up in court.
    Kids see police etc as high authority people and she might be holding back about the full details and be frightened to really go into detail about how,what,when and where (although I wouldn't expect a child to remember every single detail, it might just help put more story together, fill in the gaps about what happened)
    You said your dd said that she didn't want to get him in trouble.. Maybe she thinks by telling the police or anyone involved with them the full story he will get in lots of trouble..

    Child counselors/psychologists might be a really good way to go in the sense that it will hold up in court, she also might be clearer to them and have a better chance of getting justice.
    She might not see them the same way she see's the authorities.

    I know she was so young when this happened, I also know you said that counseling will be offered, but in the mean time whilst your waiting their is no harm in getting her into seeing someone else.
    I don't know who will be offered by child protection/police to council her, I don't know how all that works or how long it takes to see one
    As time goes by she might close off certain parts of the event, especially after its all out in the open now.

    Once again I'm so terribly sorry that your daughter went through such a gut wrenching crime.
    Especially from some one she should be able to trust.

    Does your Ex know that this has come to light?

    I really do hope the legal/justice system makes us proud this time and they pull their act together.

    I have been thinking of you and your daughter all day.
    Last edited by Liddybugs; 12-06-2012 at 20:38.

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  5. #63
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    this would be one of the hardest things for her, but also with your support, one of the most relieving as she is finally free of his abuse and has your support to stand in front of her and protect her.

    I wanted to point out to you, very strongly, that your position in this and the stance you have taken is amazing. You are a great strong caring wonderful and by lack of a better word PERFECT parent for doing this for your daughter.

    The legal system sucks. It protects pedophiles. Even after a CONFESSION from my fathers mouth of years and years of abuse, he got a 5 year sentence and was out in 9 months on good behaviour. His job (fairly high in government) was held for him and he returned to his home, his work and reoffended later on, to which he got off because the little girl was mentally ill and couldnt recollect well enough.. disgusting.

    My mother, like you, stood by me from the moment she knew. Like you she was married to him for over 10 years and never knew. She stood by me relentlessly and supported my every need. She is an amazing woman.

    It can get better lovely. Im now 24 with 2 boys of my own and a third on the way. My mother loves us all and we have a tighter bond then I can possibly describe. I love her. she amazes me.

    I feel I have come to terms with my.childhood and that it doesnt affect my life now. She has a lot to do with that! What you are doing is perfect. stick by her no matter what. If the legal system fails, just keep him away and move on with her. Focus on healing and bonding together.

    My dad has no contact with any of my family. He missed out on so much and despite the legal system, Me and my mother now have a loving family and he does not. even his side have no contact with him.

    not quite finished xx

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  7. #64
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    missybubble is offline I'm a strange one, but I'm good at it :)
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    I can't imagine what you're going through, all I can say is huge hugs to you and your little girl x

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  9. #65
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    Definitely seek out the coubselling for both you and your daughter. When you need to cry, cry. Wheb you need to vent do it. When she needs support, be there. Cry together if you need to. Time makes it better xx

    Try and get out together when you can as a family, smile laugh and create new memories.. without him!

    take breaks from focussing on it to make room for nicer things..

    You are wonderful. He is scum and the universe will catch up on him (not religious just how things do seem to work)

    hugs hun xx Your a fantastic mum, remember that!

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  11. #66
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    I haven't read all the post in here, I am also not someone who contributes to this forum a lot but I could not read this and not post. My mums ex husband (brother and sister dad) sexually abused me from 5-7 years old, from what I can remember. He did this while I was asleep. I took me many years (about 3 to be exact) for these memories to come back.

    I was so scared to tell my mum that I was remembering these things. I was then subjected to police interviews without my mum, that where video recorded and then was unable to speak about it because it was going to court and my mum had to testify. It took 2 years to get to a magistrate court, 2 days of court - at 11 years old - i had to sit in front of this man while his lawyers badgered me for hours on end. The case was thrown out due to insufficient evidence. Mind you he had admitted doing this to a councillor who testified during the hearing. He was also granted visitation rights to my brother and sister, who refused to see him anyway even though they had no idea what had happened to me.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that of course I hate him(for so many more reasons than this) and I will never forget what he did, but I do not let it effect my daily life, and never have. Of course all people are different. The thing is, I wish the police had have told my mum we had no chance in court and had have dropped the case. To me, the most horrible thing about it was sitting in a court room, across from him, with his smug look on his face while his lawyer badgered me to find holes in my story. Which of course they did. This happen when I was 5 and went to court when I was 11.

    I wish I didn't have to go through the court case for no reason. Of course I would have been happy if justice had have been served, but I feel like I went through so much for no reason.

    I feel for you so much, I just wanted give you some info on what it felt like for me as a young child.
    Also this man was the only dad i knew at the time.
    Great big hugs to you, i know my mum was devastated and still blames herself today ); i have never ever blamed her.

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  13. #67
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    hugs to you & your daughter. It sounds like a tough time you are going through atm. You are such a strong person to follow it through the way you are & I am sure your daughter would be proud to call you her mum

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  15. #68
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    Hi Ezzabee, I am waiting to speak to Child Protection tomorrow to see if the police are going to issue an intervention order on our behalf, if they are not then the first thing I will be doing is applying for one myself. As far as I know, the police haven't even contacted my ex yet and that's one of their pathetic excuses for not issuing the intervention order, because he will be notified "pre-warned" that they are coming. Once I have the intervention order in place I will be seeking legal council and putting a parenting order into place which will hopefully make it so he cannot have contact with the kids ever again... Surely what has happened will be reason enough for the courts to do something in that sense?

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  17. #69
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    Hi- I just want to say, I am SO sorry you and your daughter have to go through this. I cannot even begin to imagine your pain, anger, devastation and heartbreak! And I also understand your frustration at the justice system when it comes to these sick people. My husband was sexually abused for seven years by his uncle- he abused many other boys including my brother in law and my husbands cousins- and all he got was 3 months in jail! And he denied one of the charges so that got completely dismissed. And because the abuse started in 1991, the prosecuter had to go with what the charges were back than ( or something of that nature) so he got less than he would of if he commited these charges now. It makes me livid thinking about it! Plus, as soon as he got out of jail he applied for a job as a bus driver for little kids ( the same job he had previously where he abused children years ago)These sick , disgusting people ruin lives and something needs to be done about this poor justice system.again, i am so so sorry you are going through this- but you and your daughter WILL get through this, and become stronger together. And she will always remember that you saved her and helped her get justice for what her father did to her. Wishing you so much strength and love to come your way! Life will get better for u and your daughter - my husband lives a beautiful life now and we have 2 beautiful boys together and could not be happier! So her whole life is ahead of her. If u need to talk about anything please feel free to contact me! I'd love to help in any way! Much love xxxx

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  19. #70
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    Im so sorry for your daughter and you. Get private legal advice. Don't rely on the 'system' to do the right thing. Find a criminal lawyer who deals in sexual assault/domestic violence type issues.

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