My husbands siblings (a lot younger then him) have been in and out of foster care their entire lives, and DH has been abandoned by not only one but both parents at different times in his life.
We became kinship carers (foster carers but family) of the siblings when they had yet again been placed into foster care. It was trigger we take them or they get split up and sent to different towns and placed with strangers. They have dealt with being abandoned their whole life. They were with us almost 2 years. The oldest said she didn't want to go back to mil, she wanted to stay with us. Unfortunately at the time we just weren't in a position to have her live with us any more. They were place ld back with mil, things went well for a while then fell apart again. Mil fell seriously ill and ended up in ICU, and wasn't expected to live. The kids were place in tempory care. The oldest (15 year old girl) was with a friends parents (who applied to be her carers). They constantly told her they only wanted her there for the money, they didn't care about her and so on. She rang us in tears on several occasions and we made the choice to have her move with us. It wasn't a easy choice- we lived in a different town and it involved her moving towns, leaving her friends and starting a new school. We left the decision up to her, but she didn't hesitate. The court order is up in 2 weeks. Mil is well enough to have the children back in her care- and the health issues have given her a much needed wake up call. The younger two are going back to her, but she has expressed her wish that the one with us remain with us. For several reasons. One being the girl actually wants to stay with us and we are able to have her this time, another being her grades and school work as well as her behavior has improved ten fold.
If I was completely and totally incapacitated, like a quadriplegic with severe brain damage or if I was dead. There is no other excuse to give your children away IMO. If you "can't cope" or are abusing a substance or your child you need to wake the f*#^ up and look after the little people you created. If you can't raise them yourself, don't have them. Simple. And if you have one and can't cope, make damn sure you NEVER have another.
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I guess some women think that now is going to last forever.
Sadly, life does not work like that.
Most single mums were once happy in relationships and thinking it would be like that forever.
Most women with drug issues, started out fine and thought it would never take over.
Most women with mental illness never thought it would happen to them.
So what were they to do? invest in a crystal ball? or should all women just stop procreating just in case.
Foster care sucks. I was fostered for ages. I hated it...
But I hated home even more and at least I was safe in care.
sure glad no one stopped my mum from having me as I am pretty damn awesome and have gone on to create awesome kids.
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