How do I answer? I'm not in that situation to have to do that. I have severe depression/anxiety atm and rely on help from dh and my mum but I'm not in the situation where I'd give them up because of it.
I'd never be a drug addict or alcoholic so that will never apply. The only thing that could happen is dh dies, my parents die, I have no money, I'm severely mentally unstable, become homeless because I cant work to provide and I have no choice but to give my children to foster care until I become better. But just that would give me enough incentive to get the help I need and fight for us to stay together. I guess it'd have to be pretty severe and detrimental to their health and well being.
But I say all that in a privileged position, I can't see any of that ever happening where I have no one and nothing and no support to keep the kids with me and still get help.
How on earth can anyone sit there and say what they would do in the event of a debilitating mental illness or family trauma of some sort?
In cases which get to the point that mothers feel they can no longer provide for or adequately care for their children, the answer for them is not simply to suck it up and do whatever it takes. Issues are far more complicated than that. Until you have truly hit rock bottom and walked a mile in someone's shoes who has, you have no idea how you would react, feel, behave or think. You have no idea how you would think or behave if you had no resources, be that financial, social support from family or friends, or even personal resources such as the belief you have any shred of control over your situation or the means to do something about it.
FWIW i havent personally experienced being 'given up' by my parents, nor have I had to face that decision with my DD, nor have I suffered mental illness.. But I am also not ignorant or presumptuous enough to think I have any idea what that situation would feel like or how I would react, and I hope to hell and back I never do. The attitudes and judgement on this forum tonight is disgusting.
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Oh god, nothing on earth.... Actually thinking about this is quite upsetting for me.
If anyone took my child away from me I would lose it... Be a broken, empty shell. He is all I have, we're the two amigos!
Personally I cannot foresee a situation other than being too unwell to care for her, and in that case I would do what it takes to get better fast and get her back quickly.
But I am talking as someone without an addictive personality, without an abusive streak, with a lot of inner strength, with the creativity to find ways around obstacles, with access to services, with life experience that made coping with Autism less daunting, with a good education behind me, and with only 1 child who is older. I ackowledge that I am in a very fortunate position.
Mods, before this turns into a sh!tstorm it's probably best to delete. We obviously cannot have an adult discussion here without some resorting to name calling.
I think the bottom line is if you find the subject material distressing or rude, don't post and read on. I think we've had a tough day on the hub today and some are reflecting on things in a non confrontational way. I know I'm like Jakois trying to make sense of the subject material today and understand... hope I'm not speaking too much on your behalf Jak but that's how I read this thread.
Can we not make this another closed thread? I don't see any comments that were offensive pertaining to todays events, just people giving *their* own answers...
as to the judgments - well I did not partake in that thread at all. All I will say is being a long term member some members were rude but their message was fair given they were asked their opinion.
It is not the likes of you and jak i am talking about - i respect those who can have a mature and open conversation about such things...
Seeking to discuss and further understand issues is a great thing... Ive just seen quite a few 'spin offs' of that original thread which are acting to continue subtley judging away, not to have a discussion
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Last edited by Super Trooper; 11-06-2012 at 19:50.
ok now I understand...
I know a mum...(on here and my facebook) who put her kids into care...I respect her so so very much as she did put her kids first.
you know you are!
I guess I cannot say what I would do and I cannot say I never would.
If their safety was at risk , then I would hope I would put them first.
I cannot fathom giving them up as they were too difficult or a burden.
My real dad abandoned me and the ramifications of that are huge.
Its a complex issue and not one I can say a definite answer too. But I hope that I would always have my kids best interest at heart and always have the motivation to fight for them to have the best upbringing with me and their dad, but who knows what life will throw my way.
I think this is a great topic. I'm a pretty judgemental person yet I don't find myself judging any of the ladies who have told their stories on this thread. Instead I have a better understanding of and appreciation for those mums who have a real tough time and may have come close to having to make a decision to leave their kids with someone else.
Benefits of this thread:
1) a greater understanding of women who are doing it tough
2) a greater appreciation for the life we have now (healthy kids and a capability to look after them).
Anyone who would have a problem with this thread needs to harden up.
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