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  1. #111
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    Death only.

  2. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkingClassMum View Post
    No, they are not. Children are children. SOME people are resilient, but they are not resilient simply cause they are children

    Things that happen to children stay with them FOR.THE.REST.OF.THEIR.LIVES.

    *IF* kids were so resilient;

    why are so many adults needing professional help for sh1t that happened when they were kids?

    why do so many of us remember really awful things that happened whenwe were kids

    why do so many kids in foster care and kinship care suffer RAD?

    why do we build confidence and try to be careful of the language we use around kids?

    why is raising kids such a minefield?

    Kids are not rubber bands,they are like wet concrete - everything you drop on them leaves a mark.
    Maybe resilient wasn't the right word to use.

    Children can recover from periods of seperation IF the parent is showing obvious steps in reconciling the family unit.

    As I said before, I'm well aware of the impact abandonment, absence and emotional neglect has on a child. I work with young adults who are from such backgrounds.

    There are members on here who have had periods where their child was not living with them. I'm trying to be respectful of their feelings.

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  4. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jakois View Post
    Maybe resilient wasn't the right word to use.

    Children can recover from periods of seperation IF the parent is showing obvious steps in reconciling the family unit.

    As I said before, I'm well aware of the impact abandonment, absence and emotional neglect has on a child. I work with young adults who are from such backgrounds.

    There are members on here who have had periods where their child was not living with them. I'm trying to be respectful of their feelings.
    Like yesterday's thread?

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  6. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkingClassMum View Post
    Like yesterday's thread?
    Hopefully this thread will serve to educate and not condemn like yesterday's did.

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  8. #115
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    I don't think I could answer that honestly until I was put in a situation that would make me have to think of it. A lot of people from the posts I have read are saying only death but I don't think thats right. There are many awful things that can happen to people, brain damage for one. I also read not so long ago of a young mother suffering alzheimers who luckily had her husband but if she was on her own then how could she possibly look after her kids? So before everyone gets on their high horse and says nothing would make give up my children think about all the poor people who are in this situation with legitimate reasons that don't have a choice.

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  10. #116
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    Quote Originally Posted by MummyOf2Sweeties View Post
    A lot of the time of people are on something and they can't look after their babies they need all the support they can get. They didn't choose to become addicts (well some did) what you have said their is very harsh and not understanding at all. We are people behind these screens and have feelings, maybe you should think about that before replying like that.

    I would only give my children up if their was a safety issue or I could just not look after them fr what ever reason (became injured or suicidal) but I do have family that would help me out when I would need it.
    I love my children to death and would never give them up unless what I said before. They are my world.
    Just to clarify, my post was aimed at people who give their children away with the intention of it being permanent, not those who seek temporary help. Everyone who chooses to take drugs ultimately is choosing to become an addict. It's no secret that drugs are addictive. And I wasn't aiming at anyone on this forum. Ds2's father abandoned him in favor of drugs. And ds1's father abandoned him because he couldn't cope as a parent and went on to have another child 5mths later. I also know first hand the affects it has on a child who has been abandoned by a parent as my own mother walked out on me. I've been suicidal, I received help with my children still in my care. And I have no support network in the way of family and friends. It's up to the parent to find the strength to do the right thing, and there is no excuse to give away your child/ren permanently unless you're a vegetable IMO.

  11. #117
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    Just to clarify further. If you cannot cope with the child and make no effort to change this, then you shouldn't have another, ever. If you have taken steps to become better then by all means, have as many kids as you please. I have suffered PND and PTSD so I'm not ignorant to the ups and downs of parenting, my life hasn't been peachy, not even close.

  12. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Nobody is saying it wouldn't impact on the kids, but the fact is, some children ARE better off with someone other than a parent.

    If the parents were always the best option, there would be no need for DoCS or other child welfare agencies.

    You know, DoCS are always in the news for the wrong reasons, not intervening sooner. Perhaps if some parents had asked for help, then we wouldn't have so many tragedies.
    There is a MASSIVE difference between having your children taken from you, and plain just giving them away. Maybe not to the child to a certain extent but most definitely to the parent.

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  14. #119
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    I just asked DF if he can take bub because I don't want to be kicked in the ribs any more I want to sleep and would like normal bladder control again!! Lol I know this isn't what the thread means but I'm sure I'm not the only one who would like to make there partner carry the baby for a while when pregnant lol


    But seriously if I was not capable of giving them a stable good life they deserve or I was endangering them in some way then yeah I would, but I'd sure as hell work my *** off to make things right to bring them home again

  15. #120
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    I would say death only

    BUT

    Every person and every scenario is different. No one knows how they will act in every situation so it's not black and white (as a few BH's have already said on here).

    My parents separated when I was 8 and my mother has primary custody. We saw my dad every other weekend. My dad was not an alcoholic, was not addicted to drugs and was certainly not abusive.

    When I was 9 my mother moved us interstate. I didn't see my father for a year. THIS more than anything has affected me more than being 'abandoned' as I was torn away from one parent by another.
    My dad ended up moving over a year later.
    My parents got divorced when I was ten. My sister and I have never been given reasons as to why this is and neither has my father.
    The 'courts' granted my mother primary care and i can say that that wasn't the best option for us.

    My father fell into an extremely deep depression and was on all the drugs under the sun (for the depression not illicit) but he NEVER stopped fighting for us. He managed to wean himself off the drugs, get a respectable full time job and make himself a better person but he NEVER gave us up.

    This, to me, shows that it is possible to stay with your children no matter what life throws your way.

    Again, sorry for the somewhat off topic rant


 

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