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  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkingClassMum View Post
    This is exactly why my mother left us kids. In the early 70's there wasn't the legal protection available like there is now, DV was a joke.
    x a billionty.

    I think that self esteem plays such a huge part. When you have no self worth, have never had real love modeled for you? Where do you go?

    It's not as simple as pulling your socks up or a light bulb turning on.

    I can understand feeling helpless and hopeless and I feel fortunate that my self loathing never took over the love I have for my kids - I got better for them, rather than for myself if that makes sense.

    This is such a hard subject to reflect on and to imagine. It makes me feel so emotional.

  2. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondEyes View Post
    If i had a severe mental illness, and it was harming them. I would leave them with their daddy and leave and go get help in hospital. Work as hard as i could on recovering and get back to them asap.

    Other than that, i cant think of anything. Being an addict does not apply to me, i would never be in that position ever. (i dont say that with judgment)
    Exactly this

  3. #93
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    If I was worried that I could no longer afford to feed him. If there was some crazy dangerous situation in my life that put him at risk (a violent stalker or whatnot). My mental health wasn't well. Hard one

  4. #94
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    I think some that find it hard to understand have themselves or loved ones abandoned and have experienced and seen the devastation.

    For the cases described here of not being able to feed and put a roof over your child's head, or being so severely depressed you want to end your life... while it's not a choice I would make I understand it can be seen as selfless.

    What I find hard to fathom is parents (either gender) that just disappear bc the children are infringing on their lives. I knew a woman that not just gave up custody but completely abandoned her 3 young kids after she re-partnered, had more kids and the new partner made it clear he didn't want the other kids around and that the family only consisted of their kids together. She was completely unremorseful. While ultimately I believe she made the right decision I just find that so hard to comprehend.

    I don't think most of us are trying to be judgmental, I for one am simply trying to process why a parent would give up custody because their child is now an inconvenience.

    I have seen a lot of abandonment of children in my work, and while I can acknowledge severe financial issues, or mental illness, just ditching your kids really really damages them. That's when you see Reactive Attachment Disorder, and it's very sad

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    What about getting a restraining order/custody and going into hiding at a refuge?
    Restraining orders and custody only work if the person is scared of what would happen if they didn't oblige. Some people feel they are above the law. Refuges aren't always secure.

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  7. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialPatrolGroup View Post
    If I presented a danger to my DD in anyway, I would (like to think that I would have the presence of mind to) leave her to someone better equipped to care for her.

    What would I do to get her back? Move mountains.
    This, exactly.

  8. #97
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    In relation to my current circumstances over my dead body would I give up ds. Illness would change that I'm sure.

    I know some people don't get a choice in the matter. Even those giving their 100%

  9. #98
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    The only time I would ever give up my children is if they were in danger of being hurt by *me*. Which would never happen.

    I would never give them away just because I was bored of them, because I couldn't be bothered or because I was a dud parent. I wouldn't abandon them just because I had a new partner and life would be easier to just give them away and start fresh with him...no, never.

    When you choose to have a baby you don't have the right to ditch them whenever you want, and you certainly do not deserve empathy or understanding for giving up and not being a proper parent.

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  11. #99
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    none.

    simply wouldn't happen. i honestly can't think of any situation that i would find myself in where my children would be better off with someone else.

    i do however, believe there are many situations other people may find themselves in where the children are better off without their parents. i think it is incredibly altruistic to put their needs first and do the right thing, even though it would be heartbreaking.

  12. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I don't think most of us are trying to be judgmental, I for one am simply trying to process why a parent would give up custody because their child is now an inconvenience.

    I have seen a lot of abandonment of children in my work, and while I can acknowledge severe financial issues, or mental illness, just ditching your kids really really damages them. That's when you see Reactive Attachment Disorder, and it's very sad
    Giving up being a primary care giver because your child/ren don't fit into your life anymore is where I'm struggling to understand as well.

    In my field of work I've seen how damaging abandonment/absent parents can be for adolescents.

    For me, I would hope that someone would at the very least access all the family support networks available to them. Children are resilient. If they can see that mum/dad are making steps to getting the family unit functioning again, they generally recover well from periods of separation.

    But if they see mum/dad going off and starting a new life without them, that leaves some significant emotional damage.

    It's just something I find really difficult to understand. Not because I want to be a judgmental bish, but because I can/have seen the affect this kind of thing has on children as they grow up.

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    delirium  (12-06-2012),MissMuppet  (12-06-2012),SassyMummy  (12-06-2012),Stiflers Mom  (12-06-2012)


 

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