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  1. #41
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    personally i would never ask people to contribute money if we invited them for a meal. but that could be our hospitality background. we often put on spit roasts, luncheons, huge weekender parties - halloween alone costs us about $500 (and that is just the wholesale cost of ingredients)

    the only thing i ever ask people to bring is their own alcohol.

    if i went to someone's house for dinner and they asked for money when we were leaving i would probably think they were joking. and wouldn't return for dinner the next time.

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  3. #42
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    I think it's very rude to ask for money if you invite people to a party.

    If its family and it's a big occasion I think it's ok for everyone to either chip in or bring something

  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by elleandsam View Post
    This exactly.

    However, since May 1 we have had both our cars stolen and our house broken into. We had our wallets, car keys, and my husbands iPod all stolen from the kitchen bench while we slept. It's cost us a lot of money, about $8,000 to be precise, we're a one income family with two small children and my husband is one of the lowest paid corps in the army. DD turns 3 next month. We can't afford a huge party, so we're having a morning tea in the park and I've asked that people bring a plate instead of a gift.

    DD is going to love having all her little friends in one place and she deserves to have a wonderful day. And I would have been able to throw a huge bash if it weren't for the low life scum that stole from us.

    So I think in circumstances such as that its okay to ask for guests to bring a plate, financial contribution? No. That's going too far. And just a regular party just because you feel like it? No. I wouldn't ask friends to bring a plate for my birthday, if I can't afford a party by then I won't have one, simple. Kids parties, different story, they don't need to be privvy to my financial issues and she deserves a fun birthday.
    I sort of agree with a pp that it is a little rude to ask people to bring a plate to your daughters party.
    Depending on how many kids are coming a morning tea party in a park can be catered for on a budget - fruit skewers, cupcakes, jelly, cheezels (kids love wearing them as rings), fairy bread - all can be achieved for less than $50 - if you wan to be fancy have a sausage sizzle (parks will usually have a public use BBQ somewhere). Take some cordial and water for drinks

    I agree all children's birthdays should be celebrated; but she is 3 so won't actually know the diff between having a party or not. Hope your princess has a special day!

    Btw - those thefts really suck!!! We're you not covered by insurance.

  5. #44
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    I'm not fussed either way.

    Growing up/culturally it would have been totally unacceptable to ask people to bring anything to a gathering. Host supplies all and host actually gets miffed if others bring stuff.

    But since I left home I've seen and experienced all sorts of situations and TBH, I'm just happy to catch up with people regardless of circumstance.

    I would feel a bit blind sided if after a dinner party for 8 I was hit up for money, but horses for courses.

  6. #45
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    This is a little like the Giftcard as a present debate. Some will find it fine, some won't.

    I personally wouldn't ask for a contribution. But I have no friends so anyone I'm inviting over, I'm probably falling over myself to get them to like me and so wouldn't dare ask for anything haha.

    Back home in NZ we always have Pot Luck family things where everyone brings a plate. Asking for $$ if it isn't takeaway is weird to me. But if all participants are happy to oblige then I guess it's fine....as long as it's an agreed thing and everyone is contributing, not just the same people over and over again. Then it breeds resentment.

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  8. #46
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    I've never heard of paying for food when someone invites you over and I'd never expect anyone to pay me either. I think it's a cultural thing. I'm from the UK and it's just not the done thing. If you had a party back home and said 'bring a plate', they'd probably bring an empty one and be under the impression you'd ran out of crockery lol.

    Eta: bbqs etc, we usually take our own meat (if it's at a friends- not family although we sometimes take a salad). I just can't imagine inviting people over for dinner then asking them to cough up (as pete the other thread).
    Last edited by CakeyLoaf; 10-06-2012 at 23:05.

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  10. #47
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    To be honest i find it very strange, but if it works for you and your friends, thats all that matters.


    I personally could not take money off anyone coming over for dinner! We have a lot of dinner parties and go to a lot of dinner parties, we usually take a bottle of wine and if the host hasn't had time to make desert we might bring that. Or some munchies/cheese and crackers or something. We love to entertain when we have the time, i could just never dream of asking someone coming to my house for dinner, for money. I don't really see the point, might as well go out for dinner instead.


    I'd prob think If you can't afford it, don't invite people over or don't have a party.

  11. #48
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    i think this is a socioeconomic issue and that is why people are not getting it.

    For some people, it starts as more of a social thing...uni students or unemployed...one or two of the group living out of home etc...and it starts as a convo like this

    Person A: we should have a party

    Person B: yeah, where at?

    Person A: hey X lives out of home

    X: sure, but I can't afford a party

    Person B: but, we could all chip in....go shopping together

    Person B: cool...who should we invite


    then...we all chip in $10-$20 go to the supermarket and buy ingredients or someone is nominated to...usually the best cook lol

    any money left over...is spent on grog/desserts etc

    it's not about profit making or being rude.

    Cause...for some people...they could not even dream of having $300 spare to do a meal...but (insert shocked face here) they still like to have dinner parties and their friends still like to go (even though they also could never afford to off the same in return).

    At a guess...i would suggest that those who would find it terribly rude have come from middle to upper class families and those that find it normal come from lower to middle class families. Those who have house shared and scrimped and saved through uni or had groups of friends in share houses with many on unemplyment benefits/pensions/austudy/low incomes.

    Those people that do it and ask for cash at the end...weird...those that try and profit...rude..but as a way for people who are not well off to come together and have a meal...it seems normal for me (when i was younger anyway lol). It is often easier than everyone brings a plate (cause that can be a bit hit and miss) and means you can have a theme etc.

    It doesn't start as one person asking for money....it normally starts as a group of friends nominating someone to host...it's communal and nice and not rude!

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  13. #49
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    for me yes. As I was raised you pay for everything, we had parties in excess of 500 people and no one was expected or asked(unless it was a specialty dish they made and they enjoyed making it)

    I always made two dishes(specialty) but the host always wanted to pay for it but I never accepted it.They could have paid for someone else to make but preferred mine. I was rude for not accepting payment but I loved making the dishes and did get paid when not attending the party for the dishes.

    Although if a small group of friends getting together not rude as in it spreads the workload, I guess makes it easier for all if you bring food NOT money that is wrong.
    Last edited by fairyflossfairy; 10-06-2012 at 23:01.

  14. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by CakeyLoaf View Post
    I've never heard of paying for food when someone invites you over and I'd never expect anyone to pay me either. I think it's a cultural thing. I'm from the UK and it's just not the done thing. If you had a party back home and said 'bring a plate', they'd probably bring an empty one and be under the impression you'd ran out of crockery lol.
    I used to wok with a girl who was English ... She had gone to a party on the weekend and had been told to bring a plate so her and her dh went with two empty plates ... We laughed till we had tears when she was telling us the story ... She thought it we to save washing up and couldn't figure out why they didn't just buy plastic plates!

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