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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Yikes, ok. Just giving my perspective which is what the OP asked for

    I offer to take my SIL's kids all the time, plus I always take them when asked. My frustration is it's never returned. This isn't about others parenting my kids lol considering no one ever takes them I parent them 24/7 and not sure why you are so angry? but anyhoo I'll bow out...
    That kind of frustration is totally justified. If you are always offering or looking after your families kids and the offer is not returned, then that's not really fair. It does take a village to raise kids, but some people do more work than others.

    I think with the original question, if you help out with other people's kids (esp family members) then its understandable to feel put out if people don't offer to help out with your kids. But if you don't really offer for others, you can't really expect them to do it for you. It's a two way street.

  2. #52
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    I think it's a little silly complaining when you haven't asked anyone yet. Time to grab a phone, take control of the situation and ask for some help

    Good luck and I hope you get that weekend away!

  3. #53
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    My parents often OFFER to have DS so DP and I can have some time alone. Mum tells me all the time it's no hassle and she loves having him over. I would think this is normal?? I would imagine when the time comes for our honeymoon they would be delighted to have him stay. They have a great time.

    Delirium, I think it's really lousy that you have babysat for family and have never had the offer returned. It's pretty crappy


    Des, not selfish at all.

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  5. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    My parents often OFFER to have DS so DP and I can have some time alone. Mum tells me all the time it's no hassle and she loves having him over. I would think this is normal?? I would imagine when the time comes for our honeymoon they would be delighted to have him stay. They have a great time.

    Delirium, I think it's really lousy that you have babysat for family and have never had the offer returned. It's pretty crappy


    Des, not selfish at all.
    Oh how I envy you!!

  6. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by lil miss View Post
    Oh how I envy you!!
    I have the best parents. This is very much how I was raised, too. I spent a lot of my time as a child at my grandparents house with all of my cousins. I actually remember being there more than I do at my old house. Mum had to return to work so I spent some of my days with my Aunt and my cousin.

    I truly had a village in which I felt welcomed and very much cherished and loved.

    I'm glad my parents feel the same way about DS...he's their grandson, not a burden and they have a lot to do with instilling his morals and values. They play a huge role in raising him (I will be lynched for saying this but meh, I love my family).

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  8. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    I'm not actually angry at all, just pointing out my perspective, which happens to be different from other peoples.
    Jennaisme - I agree that babysitting shouldn't be expected of anyone. I think it's lovely if close family WANT to do it, but the rest depends on the family dynamic.

    Des - I don't think you're at all selfish for wanting a honeymoon, but I definitely think you should try to find peace with asking people.

    In my experience, trying to second guess what people might be thinking or feeling often leads you down the wrong path. If you're not being direct with them then you can't expect them to be direct with you either.

    So, on that note, if you don't feel comfortable asking them, then maybe they don't feel comfortable asking you? Maybe they're wishing you had asked, and are assuming you don't want them to?

    That's why I just think it's better if everyone is open with each other. Otherwise you're left with guessing/ assuming what they might be thinking, and potentially getting upset when you might not need to.

    Hope you get it resolved.

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  10. #57
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    while not selfish I think its a bit presumptuous to expect them to straight out offer when they dont know your ideas/plan/wants. If someone said to me they arent going on a honey moon cos they have kids I'd assume it coudl be because they cant afford it due to having numerous kids or maybe they were planning a family holiday at a later date. I would think that being family they'd have asked if theyd like me to babysit- mindreading doesnt seem to work so if you want somethign ASK!

    On the other side i am the one to always end up babysitting my siblings childrne yet as a single parent hey have not once offered to babysit for me- and I wont ask because i know it will then be held against me forever so i shut up and just look after my kid myself.

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  12. #58
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    i'm the same, I never have family members babysitting the kids.. it's pretty rare.. my family just say a flat out no, only due to my mother being very sick and on lots of medication all the time, and my dad working shift work... and my in laws just refuse to. my mil likes to'nap during the day & afternoon and if she EVER babysits Guarantee - the kids won't be fed, or put in their pj's or given milk, or have ANY nappies changed... so i don't waste my time. I'd rather just drag them around with me and live with it. but yes, just as op, and remember, the worst they can say is no.. hope u get your honeymoon!!

  13. #59
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    Would your ex watch the other 2?

  14. #60
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    OP - i always ask my family if i need to, this ranges from child free birthdays for friends, date night with DH or a girls night out! the worste they can say is no, but in my experience, they will only say no if they already have something planned, but they will offer to have them another night so i can rearrange my plans. i do't think it's an obligation for family to babysit, i believe it's a privalege for everyone involved (children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and parents). it is important for kids to have this time with their relatives.
    Me and DH are very lucky, even my brother will come and sit at our place after DD is in bed while we go out for dinner ad a drink.

    My belief is if you don't ask, you will never know!!!

    it doesn't mean you can't cope as a mother, but all couples need time to be just that, a couple! in saying that we took DD with us on our honeymoon, but there was kids club, which she loved, so we still got some alone time too1 was great!!

    good luck OP, i would suggest asking if they havent offered already.


 

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