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  1. #1
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    Default Am I being selfish here? (be honest)

    Dh and I just got married a week ago. We can't afford a honeymoon (yet) but even if we could we have kids so we're limited. However, a weekend away would have sufficed...in fact it would have been wonderful to have just one weekend where we didn't have to worry about the kids....in lieu of a honeymoon. Is that too much to ask?

    We've been together for 6.5 years...we had a long distance relationship for the first little bit and only saw each other once a fortnight. Even after we moved in together we were only kid free for one weekend a fortnight when my kids went to their dad's. Then our kids came along and that was that. We went years before we had a night out and we have never had a night with just the two of us until our wedding night...and even then I was scrounging around for someone to watch the kids so we can have just that ONE night. Then the next day we came home about lunch time....and that's it! Back to the old grind!

    No one...not any of our family...has even thought that maybe we might like some time away. Considering my dh doesn't even live here! That's right...he works away for a week at a time and comes home for a day or two then leaves again. Is it too much to ask that someone...ANYONE offer to take care of the kids for the weekend so we can have some time away?? It just would have been nice. I even had family ask "Are you going on a honeymoon?" "Er no...cos we have the kids" "Well that's a shame!"

    Yeh it is isn't it...a shame that we don't have anyone that can watch the kids while we have a weekend away after our wedding! Other people have grandmas who come over and help out...but us? Nope! We don't have anyone! They don't mind coming to our wedding though...eating our food...drinking our alcohol. But no one even thinks that maybe we might like to have some time to ourselves when we get married you know?

    Am I being a totally selfish ungrateful cow here?

  2. #2
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Nope not selfish at all. Did you ask anyone to watch the kids for you?

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    Bubbles10  (09-06-2012)

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    Not selfish at all.

    But maybe because people never do what we expect of them, I'd ask? Maybe put it on Facebook or something that you are hoping to find someone to take the kids for a weekend so you and hubby can have a "shortmoon" or something? I think people just get so wrapped up in their own lives these days that they don't stop and think about others. But you might find plenty of willing helpers if you just ask the question (I'm like you, I HATE asking for help...but sometimes it's the only thing you can do)

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    spitthedummy  (09-06-2012)

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    But why should I have to ask? I don't like asking...because then I feel like I'm putting people out. Is that what other people do? Go around asking their family when they want some time away? Do other people's families offer?

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    I'd be probably pretty overwhelmed looking after 6 kids... it's a big job! But yes, it would have been awesome for someone to offer and no you are definitely not being selfish.
    Could you organise a few friends to have a couple of children each for a night or two?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    But why should I have to ask? I don't like asking...because then I feel like I'm putting people out. Is that what other people do? Go around asking their family when they want some time away? Do other people's families offer?
    Yeah I ask. I would never just expect someone to offer.

    I just saw you have 6 kids? That could be a reason why no one has offered. I had friends with four kids and thy would always split them up - send 2 to one set of grandparents and the other 2 to the other set.

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    I know, it's frustrating, especially when others seem to have people falling over themselves offering.

    We have to ask. I think because I'm the self sufficient type that hides my struggles, no one really knows. I only have my mum here anyway but we still ask if we want her to watch DS.

    Sometimes I think I'd love a mother who just bowls in and picks DS up and takes him away for a day etc but then I think...do I REALLY want that? lol

    I think this all stems from the lack of a 'village' these days.

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    Ahh but see the thing is...every fortnight 4 of my kids go to their dad's...that would leave only TWO. So I'd just arrange it when the other 4 are away.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Ahh but see the thing is...every fortnight 4 of my kids go to their dad's...that would leave only TWO. So I'd just arrange it when the other 4 are away.

    oh RIGHT!! Well...yeah that's pretty easy then. So sorry no one has offered. I hope you can work something out

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    So that's where I've gone wrong! You have to actually ask people? But don't you all feel like you're begging and pleading to people? And what if they want to say no but they can't...then I'd feel awful that I'd asked them.

    I hate asking for things. Yes we are very self sufficient/independant type people.


 

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