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  1. #21
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    It doesn't have to mean he thinks you're physically unattractive, he may just be not really interested in sex too much at the moment for whatever reason.

    Once a week is not something I'd consider to be "not often," either. It's not going at it like rabbits, sure, but it's not like it's a rare event. You may simply have a higher libido than he does and as much as that sucks, I'm not sure much can be done unless one is suffering from an extremely low libido for some sort of health reason.

    I do understand what it's like to feel so on the outer when other women are talking about their partner nagging them for sex, and yours never does. This was me with my ex. He didn't have sex with me for 6 monthly incriments normally, and it was horrible. Made me feel like absolute rubbish.

    I'd let your partner know how you're feeling, but also add that you don't expect him to just suck it up and have sex with you if he doesn't feel like it... but perhaps if ther'es a reason why he doesn't want sex, it's something you can work on together.

  2. #22
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    Hi,

    After our absolutely horrendous birth experience, to this day we still haven't had any type of intimacy in the bedroom. My wife doesn't feel like it a great deal any longer which I find quite OK because I don't feel like it at all. We weren't like this prior to our little one being born at all, but since the birth and the following surgery, my wife and I are living individual lives in the sex department. I can't see anything changing in the future and I don't have any desire to make any changes. My libido is non existent and I'm prepared to never have sex again in my life with her. I'm fairly sure she feels the same way. All our energies seem to be focused on her study and nurturing our much wanted little one...and I'm OK with that.

    I don't have the desire, energy or the need to make changes. It sounds quite grim but I've accepted that and sex now is no longer any part of my life. It's now been over two years and I don't miss it.

    Kindest regards to all

    Paul...
    Last edited by Paul64; 13-09-2012 at 12:22.

  3. #23
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    You are not alone. DP and I haven't DTD since I was three months pregnant, and our daughter is almost three month old. For the first few months of no sex it was heartbreaking and I felt absolutely rotten about myself. I spoke to DP about how I felt, and at first he said he was "tired" and then later that he felt strange DTD when our daughter was "in there". I can't count how many times I cried myself to sleep after having my advances rejected. It's so embarrassing and painful. Thankfully he is still very affectionate (lots of hugs) but it feels so platonic. By the end of my pregnancy I had gained 20+kg and my self-esteem was (and still is) at rock bottom, so I stopped bothering DP about sex because it hurt so much to be rejected on top of feeling fat and ugly. DP was present for our daughter's birth and I believe it was very traumatic for him, as I had a large PPH and needed a transfusion and lots of stitches. He blames that for his low libido post-baby, but I have my suspicions about his testosterone levels. He has abused pot in the past (on a daily basis for many years), and I know that level of use causes a huge decrease in testosterone levels. He has quit now, but I am sure the effects of it will be long lasting.

    I'm sorry you're going through this - I am right here with you As hurtful as it is and as easy as it is to blame ourselves for not being "hot" enough, I am sure neither of our partners find us unattractive - there are other variables causing their low libidos. Can you get him to have his testosterone level checked?

  4. #24
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    Can I just say that this thread has given me a new understanding of what my DH must feel like sometimes. I am on the other side of the fence to you, but I myself have an exceptionally low libido, I could quite easily never have sex. Since reading your post and how your rejected advances made you feel it has made me realise that I must make DH feel like that at times too. Thankyou.

  5. #25
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    Default Feel like my husband doesn't find me attractive

    Quote Originally Posted by Grebbeci View Post
    Can I just say that this thread has given me a new understanding of what my DH must feel like sometimes. I am on the other side of the fence to you, but I myself have an exceptionally low libido, I could quite easily never have sex. Since reading your post and how your rejected advances made you feel it has made me realise that I must make DH feel like that at times too. Thankyou.
    I feel exactly the same. I really hate that DH must feel this way but anti-depressants on top of an already low sex drive has ruined me. DH is always wanting it and I reject him far too often :-( Op - I hope things have improved for you x

  6. #26
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    Default You're not alone

    It's sad to say that you are not alone. And you know how I found this thread was googling "My husband doesn't find me attractive, What do I do?".
    I am so attractive. I am so loving and cuddly and affectionate. At first my husband would not even accept my PDA, he wouldnt have enough sex with me, he still doesn't compliment me, I have no more desire to even have sex anymore and believe me I was always horny. And now, all my love is gone. I've dressed up as a belly dancer for Halloween and he didnt even have sex with me. I've worn a full on lingerie get up with garter belt push up bra stockings which I spent a lot of money at victorias secret to accomplish and still didnt sleep with me that night. I've chopped my hair off and died it as he suggested and then later he told me he misses my long hair, he buys me face creams to remove the dark circles under my eyes and told me since thats always been my problem this should help. He looks at Asian porn and filipino girly pics on his phone and internet and then lies to me about it when I confront him about it. He is Chinese and Im mexican. I feel completely obese compared to his girlfriends and ex's and all the women he oogles. He tells me Im fat and says he'll support any diet I want to do and bought me a gym membership and let me buy an expensive $700 yoga membership and sometimes when I say Im hungry he'll tell me to drink water. When we do have sex, he comes first and falls asleep so fast and snores so loud even while still ontop of my body. There are still so many guys that want to have sex with me and still hit on me but I want nobodys affection other than his, yet thats the very one who cant give it to me. NOW, Im pregnant and even more emotional and feel so saddened because again this morning I saw that he was spending time on this facebook page that features naked and sexual content of Asian women and teenage filipinas. He grew up in the Philippines and to make matters worse ,his BESTIES are women...filipina girls. Tiny little asian girls. And it bothers me so much Everything about our picture makes me feel so bad about myself, It just makes me hate who I am and makes me feel so unwanted. It just really is hard on me because Im Latina so its pretty hard and unatural for me to be 100lbs. But he had these pictures of women on his laptop and they were of Paris Hilton, Linsay Lohan when she was on her crack cocaine binge and Kate hudson, whose BMI is 16-18. He has told me before, "I just want you to be skinny-Ok there I said it" and he has said, "I dont care if you have boobs, skinny is just fine". Basically he wants me to be this skinny little thing that could pass for a 12 year old boy, No tits, no ***, just bony. And Now that Im pregnant. Its just going to get worse. I feel sorry for my unborn child that they have to feel my pain and tears and emotions during this time. I just dont know what to do anymore because Divorce is not going to happen. But consequently, all that ends up happening is fighting and crying and then getting yelled at from him that he doesnt deserve this from me, he hasnt cheated on me, he's faithful ,if he didn't love he wouldn't work so hard for our family......etc etc, He says he doesnt have sex with me because he's so busy working all the time trying to supprt me and give me everything I need and he's stressed out and that he's not happy with our sex life either knowing that he cant satisfy me, then it only leads to pity sex, and crying and then his attempt at having sex with me when Im not into it and feeling it and tearing up and then calling it making love. I just dont know what to do because when we get like this, I always tend to try to get the attention and confirmation from other men, just to make me feel better and flirt with other guys back just to feel alive and like that somebody appreciates me. Its the most pathetic Ive ever felt, trying to force someone to like me and see that I am attractive. Because it actually just lowers my self esteem and self worth and makes me not care about myself and when I dont care about myself that only fuels the flame and gives him more reason to not find me attractive. Im so lost and heatbroken over this.Any suggestions?
    Last edited by storyofmylife; 25-02-2013 at 05:51.


 

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