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  1. #11
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    If you are looking for medical advice for your son, these forums are not the place to get it. What you need is a diagnosis, first of all to determine if there actually is a problem and, if so, what the optimum solution might be. Ask your doctor for a referral to a paediatric urologist and go with your son and your partner.

    As a general note, trying to retract a 4yo's foreskin, with or without "creams", is more often a source of problem rather than a solution. But no-one here can know about the specifics of any particular situation -- that's why we have specialists, and why specialists start by doing an examination.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnC View Post
    If you are looking for medical advice for your son, these forums are not the place to get it. What you need is a diagnosis, first of all to determine if there actually is a problem and, if so, what the optimum solution might be. Ask your doctor for a referral to a paediatric urologist and go with your son and your partner.

    As a general note, trying to retract a 4yo's foreskin, with or without "creams", is more often a source of problem rather than a solution. But no-one here can know about the specifics of any particular situation -- that's why we have specialists, and why specialists start by doing an examination.
    This forum is peopled by some very strong views in circing OP. I don't agree with routing infant circing myself (after lots of reading) however there are some circumstances where medical circing may be needful. As JohnC says, no one here is qualified to give you a medical diagnoses. If you have serious concerns, request a referral to a specialist. If your partner is concerned about circing your son, surely she will feel better having seen a specialist who will either agree with you if there is no other option, or will be able to recommend or prescribe more suitable treatments.
    You don't sound confused OP. You sound very much like you believe that circing your son is the only option and you sound upset that your wife does not agree. At the end of the day it is a surgery that will modify your boy's body for the rest of his life. It may be necessary, it may not. My point is, your wife has just as much say in this as you and you need to make the decision together based on sound medical advice. Get a second opinion, a third. Work this out together. All the best.
    Last edited by Atropos; 09-06-2012 at 07:43. Reason: typo

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Izy View Post
    Based on your history I'd be looking at taking your son to a specialist and getting a recommendation from them. Your situation is not the 'norm', nor is your son's.

    It certainly sounds like you have good reason to consider circ in the circumstance. Have you asked your wife why she is anti-circ?

    I especially ask this because I am personally anti routine infant circ, but if a man/boy has a condition that is not being resolved by creams and time, than circ has it's place. I kind of consider it to be like tonsils or gall bladder etc.

    Is your wife really anti-circ, or is she anti RIC?
    Is Ric Routine infant circ? I didn't think they 'routinely' did this... they didn't even back when I was born in '83. Circ has always been an opt in type of thing not an opt out.

    I would say she is against the procedure being done to a male of an age where he doesn't have an input himself, so say childhood years mainly because I would imagine a teenage boy with a father figure to help him out would also have input himself, which I never had a father figure myself during teenage years to help me out with it and no one to talk to about these issues.

    As far as the situation not being the norm, I do hear what you are saying there, but I would like to add that my mother used to do day care for a long time and so has obviously seen a lot of foreskins and the problems that can come along with many of them, and so partly the reason why she wanted me done at birth. A lot of memories from growing up is making friends with other kids she would have for day care. Mother and I have only been able to talk about all this type of stuff over the past year or two.
    Last edited by BenTas83; 09-06-2012 at 13:52.

  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    What do you mean "know what you were up to"

    Is she suspicious of an ulterior motive?
    Because she is not in favour of circ for him, it's somewhere we have both been before and both disagreed with. It's not ulterior motive, it's she knows exactly where I am headed because she knows of my own circ story and how it has benefited my life, so she sees that as me pushing my own bias for circ down onto son, I guess.

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    It is not normal for a foreskin to retract at that age. Leave it alone is the best advice.

    If he needs doing later, go for it, but not at 4.
    My DS retracted his own at 4, so for him this is a normal age. Anything from 4 to 10 is normal, from what I have read.

    Ben, I am normally anti routine circumcision, but in this case I can see grounds for further investigation and possibly having it done at an early age rather than waiting until adulthood like you did. I don't see the point in prolonging his discomfort, and possibly causing him angst in his teenage years. The teenage years are hard enough, let alone if there's a problem with your private parts.

    I hope you can work something out with your wife that is in the best interests of your son.

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  9. #16
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    I am completely against RIC but no one deserves to live life with pain when it could be fixed. If my Son was in pain and his father could express to me what it's like to have that pain, I'd not hesitate to get him Circ'd. You need to discuss this with your wife further and be an advocate for your son. She probably believes she is doing the right thing for him but you need to express to her your feelings of being let down as a child and how hard it was for you to go through your early life with that pain. Definitely make an appt with a specialist and be forceful with her. Explain to her that it's just an appointment. Your son has a genuine medical need that is being ignored due to her views. If it was his tonsils that were giving him trouble, she'd most likely have him on the surgery waiting list as soon as possible...this is really no different. The specialist might also be able to recommend a good counsellor who can help you both with the decision.

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  11. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by BenTas83 View Post
    Is Ric Routine infant circ? I didn't think they 'routinely' did this... they didn't even back when I was born in '83. Circ has always been an opt in type of thing not an opt out.
    RIC- Routine infant circ meaning circumcision that is done as a matter of course, routinely, for no medical reason.

  12. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by emzluvbub View Post
    I am completely against RIC but no one deserves to live life with pain when it could be fixed. If my Son was in pain and his father could express to me what it's like to have that pain, I'd not hesitate to get him Circ'd. You need to discuss this with your wife further and be an advocate for your son. She probably believes she is doing the right thing for him but you need to express to her your feelings of being let down as a child and how hard it was for you to go through your early life with that pain. Definitely make an appt with a specialist and be forceful with her. Explain to her that it's just an appointment. Your son has a genuine medical need that is being ignored due to her views. If it was his tonsils that were giving him trouble, she'd most likely have him on the surgery waiting list as soon as possible...this is really no different. The specialist might also be able to recommend a good counsellor who can help you both with the decision.
    Thanks a lot I know I should be able to assert myself more strongly with her but I grew up with no father figure so I guess thats why I let my women have the last say in my relationships. That may well be the main problem here.

  13. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    My DS retracted his own at 4, so for him this is a normal age. Anything from 4 to 10 is normal, from what I have read.
    I wasn't able to until sometime during my teenage years, and even then it wasn't like I was able to retract it easily after the first time I was able to. It took many years to make small progress, and the frenulum being short and bending the head downwards when I did retract it didn't help, either. The adhesions I used to have between the inner foreskin and the head were horrifically powerful, and this in turn would make sexual activity painfully-sensitive. I now have about 1 inch of inner foreskin remaining between the back of the head and the circ scar, and the frenulum has been removed so the head does not bend downwards with an erection.

    I think, with a boys forskin being normal, you should be able to retract it at least to the point of being able to see the opening in the head so that urine can pass. When the foreskin has overhang, is tight and shrivelled up in front of the head of the penis, locating the urethra opening not possible, best describes my son's foreskin, and I don't think is a normal type of foreskin.
    Last edited by BenTas83; 09-06-2012 at 15:21.

  14. #20
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    Default Circumcision

    Quote Originally Posted by BenTas83 View Post
    Because she is not in favour of circ for him, it's somewhere we have both been before and both disagreed with. It's not ulterior motive, it's she knows exactly where I am headed because she knows of my own circ story and how it has benefited my life, so she sees that as me pushing my own bias for circ down onto son, I guess.
    I dont think it is a bias but just what is the best for their health and well being. I do understand why your wife is feeling the way she is with all the talk these days to not get it done until older etc. Strangely enough it is a preference for some women to have circumcised partners and this might be why some mothers choose to have their boys done. Also I have heard the foreskin allows viruses in such as HIV and HPV I understand that condoms are the best protection but what if they are not worn. Parents take the responsibilty where they can for their kids.


 

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