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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    I'd been seriously considering cutting them out of your lives for good.
    They sound absolutely toxic and to be honest, mentally ill. Sleeping with your mother..?? Sick.
    I'd be writing an email from yourself AND DH saying that you can no longer be around such negatively and unjust accusations.
    Frankly I'm in awe that you've put up with it for so long. You must be exhausted!
    Are you a people pleaser by nature? You sound as though you have done everything humanly possible to make peace.
    Who gives a rats what they say if you cut then out. You know the truth and I'm sure your friends and family do too.
    I wouldn't be letting my daughter near them.
    I hope your DH is understanding and supportive
    I really really feel for you.
    Good Luck.
    I am a people pleaser by nature, mostly when it comes to family.
    I struggle with confrontation and don't deal to well when things go pear shaped.
    When ever I think about not talking to them I feel upset that I would be taking dd out of their lives and they won't get to see her grow up.. It's stupid I know! And I hate hate hate feeling like that. I wish I was one I those people who just couldn't give a hoot and tell them to **** off.

    I know I should just stop talking to them, and not care any more.. But for me it's hard to do that.

    I am absolutely exhausted, Somedays the stress of it makes me physically sick. like last night I got so worked up about what they said about dd when I was telling Dh about it I threw up from getting my self into such a state. suppose you could almost call it a panic attack
    I just feel like I have so much anger inside me and it's taking over.

    DH has already told them to get stuffed... Dh suggested last night that I see a counselor to try and find ways to deal with the anger and get professional advise on what I should do in the situation and how to let go with out feeling sad or guilty.
    I do agree with him, but then I feel angry at the fact I have to go see a counselor to try and cope with his parents bullsh!t.
    Im so confused right now.

    My dr agreed to let me try and come off my anti-depressants 4 months ago, I have been on them for 7 years and I have been doing excellent in every other area of my life with out them, I don't get upset or depressed over things that I use to etc.
    But every time I think of his parents I want to scream.. So you can imagine what my stress levels are at when I'm over their or reading an email/text from them..
    I honestly feel like their effecting my health.

    My Dh hasn't been supportive in the past, he would just try and agree with his parents to avoid the anguish they would unleash on him, but for a few years now he has been extremely supportive of me.
    He has his moments, but when it comes to his parents he extremely supportive.

  2. #12
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Your DH wants nothing to do with them. They've blatantly said that as long as you're DDs mum, they don't want to see her - you'll ALWAYS be her mum!!! Therefore is take that as saying THEY don't want to see her.

    Who cares if they tell people you took DH and DD away? YOU know the truth!!!

    Remove the toxicity from your lives and build a happy life for your little family.

    ETA: I think you need to put your dd first in this situation and PROTECT her from exposure to these people. She deserves better than to have such horrible people in her life - as do you.
    Last edited by HugsBunny; 08-06-2012 at 13:56.

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    MissMuppet  (08-06-2012)

  4. #13
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    missybubble is offline I'm a strange one, but I'm good at it :)
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    You sound like a sweetheart, you've been trying to do the right thing but it clearly taking its toll on you If I was you I'd flat out refuse to have anything to do with them anymore but I guess it's not that easy. Good luck

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    It seems that pandering to them isn't actually improving anything! Is there anyway you can have a relationship with you dh siblings (ESP the older ones) and then just ignore them and put everything they say down to them being nutbags????

    Just sounds so toxic and unhealthy ... I wouldn't allow my kids around it

  6. #15
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    Go to counselling - not just to deal with the situation at hand, but to develop ways of managing similar ones with other people in the future which might pop up.

  7. #16
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    Take your DD away from this situation. What awful, horrible, toxic people. How can you still be trying to form a relationship for your daughters sake when they speak about her the way they do, let alone you.
    I feel for you. Awful people never stop being awful. We have no contact with our in laws because they are sick minded twisted awful people. My kids are better off without them.

  8. #17
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    I agree with all the PP's.

    I know you are trying to do the right thing but hun, I think you've missed what the 'right thing' actually is. The right thing is to protect your daughter. Forget them. They aren't going to be changed. IMHO the right thing to do is to keep your daughter out of that toxic environment. 'Family' is more than just blood. They aren't Family. They are nasty, manipulating and cruel. Don't strive to be accepted by people like that. Show your DD that it's not right to say and do hurtful things. Massive Hugs.

  9. #18
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    I agree with all the above. They are toxic and emotionally abusive. Protect yourself and your child and cut ties. It will be plainly obvious to anyone who truly knows them why you don't see them, regardless of what lies they spread. Anyone who believes the nastiness they spew is probably not worth associating with anyway.

    You need to teach your daughter that their kind of behaviour is not tolerated and that she and you are worth respecting. People who do not respect you, are not in your lives. Family is not a free pass to abuse.

  10. #19
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    Thank you all so much for your replies, I didn't expect to get so much advise

    I agree with everything everyone has said.
    I know they need to be cut out.
    It's been going on for so long now..
    And it must sound stupid to you all that I still feel sadness that it's turned out like this.

    Can we move far far away?
    We have been seriously considering this as his parents only live 10kms away. It's just DHs work (his contract doesn't end until another year) then it means we would be moving away from my family too which we don't have these sorts of problems with.
    But I know we could still visit my family etc.
    Moving away has been something we have seriously been considering for a while now and we will most likely look into it more over the next year.

    I do really think I need to see a professional about this, and I will go see one as its just effect me so much.
    A few years ago I thought they couldn't get any worse.. Well they have and now I can only imagine what they will be like in a few years to come...
    Last edited by Liddybugs; 08-06-2012 at 14:26.

  11. #20
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    I have a question for you.. do you really want poisonous people like that around your children? It takes more than blood to be a grandparent and sorry to say but they aren't true grandparents. Cut them and their **** out of your lives. You'll be better for it. If they treat their own son like dirt imagine how they're going to treat your kids?!?


 

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