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  1. #1
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    Default In-Laws. Does it ever get better?

    Since Dh and I met we have had non stop drama with his parents.
    I can not take it any more.

    They have always said that he is to good for me.
    Fights always start Because of hurtful things they say about me.
    Mostly about my appearance, the worst one was when I was accused of trying to have an affair with my teenage BIL because One time I texted him throughout out the day because he was going to watch DD whilst Dh and I went to the movies.
    I was just trying to organize what day & time would suit him and if I needed to pick him up from work or home on the day he was minding her.
    Dh didn't know about the movie date I had planned for us, was suppose to be a surprise.
    hence why I was texting BIL. His parents though it was "weird" and "suspicious" that I was texting him... So called Dh and said awful things. I showed Dh the text messages and Dh just laughed.
    I could go on and on about the stuff they have said about me...

    that's not what I'm upset with.. they aim their criticism to my DH and our DD. that's what's got me extremely upset and angry.
    My mum was living with us for a few months after she hurt her knee and wasn't working, when she moved out the Inlaws said she moved out because my Dh slept with my mum and I was ****ed off and kicked her out.. Which was not the case AT ALL!
    •they told DH they knew he was on steroids because he had gotten bigger. All because Dh decided he would tag along to the Gym with me, he gained a bit of mussel and toned up a bit..
    •they said to me "*dhs name* will have many affairs whilst he is with you, I read an article that said when I wife isnt physically attractive..."
    •His dad asked him if he finds it hard to have s.ex with me because I'm overweight.. When I lost 35kgs they told Dh I was being selfish, that I only cared about my looks and he should set more boundaries in the house, he is the man of the home and he should come first, That I was a poor excuse for a wife because Dh spends his Saturday's with DD whilst I'm at work and that Dh needs to learn how to train me up to be a more satisfying wife.
    I'm not overreacting.. Most of these things were sent via email or text so I haven't elaborated on their words.
    Once again.. I could go on with what they have said about Dh.

    Dh has 3 younger brothers that still live at home 5yo, 16yo, 18yo, and a 22 year old sister who is at home too, DH is the eldest, his parents always tell his siblings there thoughts on us.. And now some of them think accusations are "Facts" like Dh sleeping with my mum?!?!? WTF!

    The personal things they have said about our DD (mainly her appearance), I really do not want to repeat as they break my heart.

    At the beginning of this year Dh told his dad to get stuffed and he stopped talking and seeing him, he does talk to his mum sometimes.. Not a lot though.
    I have been made to feel extremely guilty by the InLaws that this was my fault.
    Even though Dh delt with this type of stuff all through his childhood, and was told many out of this world lies about his extended family, I still can't help but wonder if all this extra crap is just because he married me.

    I have made a massive effort to take DD over to there house for visits with out DH (as he refuses to go) so they can still see their grandchild.. I just block my ears to what they have to say, I try to ignore that fact they don't talk to me and just try and be as polite as possible i just tell myself that I'm only here so DD can see her grandparents and vise versa.
    However yesterday when I was over there something was said that has totally broken my heart.
    FIL said to me "If your going to be here every time we see Layla then it's just not worth it"
    I replied "She is your granddaughter how can you say it's not worth seeing her just because we don't get along"
    he replied "for as long as your her mother I couldn't care if we See the kid or not"
    I kept it together to avoid a big fight and just left..

    How could he say that about our dd
    I know if I just stop going over their then it will be "Rachell took *dhs name* away from us and now she took our grand daughter away.." or something along those lines.. And have a massive pity party and get sympathy from every one around them.

    I really don't know what I did wrong.. I have asked them and they always say "God had a different women picked for our son" Or "God tells me in prayer all the time your not right for him"
    I'm not a bad person, I'm extremely polite, I go out of my way to make them happy, I have never ever done any of the things they have accused me of and I just do not know where they get these ideas from.
    I honestly think they might have physiological problems with the things they say and make up, it's all just.. Unbelievable!

    It's causes a lot of troubles in our marriage, it's just a HUGE stress.
    I do not want my Daughter growing up with such negative talk like yesterday, But I also don't want her growing up not knowing her fathers family.
    I have really been struggling to cope with all this.
    I don't know why I care so much..

    They are my husbands parents and our DDs Grandparents which makes it hard for me to know how I should go about this.
    I have tried in the past telling them my thoughts and feelings etc.. Honestly it's like talking to brick walls.. They do not listen!! And will go on with their tangents.

    I see posts all the time On here about Inlaw drama.. So I know I'm not the only DIL that Has had to deal with extreme Inlaws.. But honestly They have to accept me at some point keep their opinions to their self? Right?
    Can this really go on forever?
    I feel like my marriage has 2 other people in it
    I want to enjoy my husband and our daughter and not spend my life upset and constantly angry over InLaw Crap.

    As a parent my Self it would break my heart into pieces if my child stopped talking to me
    I want it to end but fear it never will.
    With or with out them in our lives.

  2. #2
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    I'd been seriously considering cutting them out of your lives for good.
    They sound absolutely toxic and to be honest, mentally ill. Sleeping with your mother..?? Sick.
    I'd be writing an email from yourself AND DH saying that you can no longer be around such negatively and unjust accusations.
    Frankly I'm in awe that you've put up with it for so long. You must be exhausted!
    Are you a people pleaser by nature? You sound as though you have done everything humanly possible to make peace.
    Who gives a rats what they say if you cut then out. You know the truth and I'm sure your friends and family do too.
    I wouldn't be letting my daughter near them.
    I hope your DH is understanding and supportive
    I really really feel for you.
    Good Luck.

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  4. #3
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    wow, they take the worst il's ever to a whole new level.

    You are way nicer than I am, imo it is not your job to maintain such a toxic relationship.

    Imagine what they will say to your DD if they ever get her alone!


    I say run, not walk, run far far far away from those people and never look back.

    Your DH is lucky to have survived them!

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  6. #4
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    Gosh how sad

    Imho you are better off without them

  7. #5
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    First off big hugs, no one should have to deal with that sort of treatment!!

    Honestly everything you have typed is extreme toxic behaviour!!!!

    Is there any way you and your DH can move far, far away from them?!

    They sound like they honestly have mental illness - normal people do not make up stories and say awful things like they do, what grandfather makes such vile comments about their own grandchild?!

    I would not even concern myself with whether they say 'Rachael took DH and DD away' because your right they probably will, your focus needs to be on creating a happy, loving environment for you, your DD and DH without any influence from them!

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  9. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachell View Post
    Since Dh and I met we have had non stop drama with his parents.
    I can not take it any more.

    They have always said that he is to good for me.
    Fights always start Because of hurtful things they say about me.
    Mostly about my appearance, the worst one was when I was accused of trying to have an affair with my teenage BIL because One time I texted him throughout out the day because he was going to watch DD whilst Dh and I went to the movies.
    I was just trying to organize what day & time would suit him and if I needed to pick him up from work or home on the day he was minding her.
    Dh didn't know about the movie date I had planned for us, was suppose to be a surprise.
    hence why I was texting BIL. His parents though it was "weird" and "suspicious" that I was texting him... So called Dh and said awful things. I showed Dh the text messages and Dh just laughed.
    I could go on and on about the stuff they have said about me...

    that's not what I'm upset with.. they aim their criticism to my DH and our DD. that's what's got me extremely upset and angry.
    My mum was living with us for a few months after she hurt her knee and wasn't working, when she moved out the Inlaws said she moved out because my Dh slept with my mum and I was ****ed off and kicked her out.. Which was not the case AT ALL!
    •they told DH they knew he was on steroids because he had gotten bigger. All because Dh decided he would tag along to the Gym with me, he gained a bit of mussel and toned up a bit..
    •they said to me "*dhs name* will have many affairs whilst he is with you, I read an article that said when I wife isnt physically attractive..."
    •His dad asked him if he finds it hard to have s.ex with me because I'm overweight.. When I lost 35kgs they told Dh I was being selfish, that I only cared about my looks and he should set more boundaries in the house, he is the man of the home and he should come first, That I was a poor excuse for a wife because Dh spends his Saturday's with DD whilst I'm at work and that Dh needs to learn how to train me up to be a more satisfying wife.
    I'm not overreacting.. Most of these things were sent via email or text so I haven't elaborated on their words.
    Once again.. I could go on with what they have said about Dh.

    Dh has 3 younger brothers that still live at home 5yo, 16yo, 18yo, and a 22 year old sister who is at home too, DH is the eldest, his parents always tell his siblings there thoughts on us.. And now some of them think accusations are "Facts" like Dh sleeping with my mum?!?!? WTF!

    The personal things they have said about our DD (mainly her appearance), I really do not want to repeat as they break my heart.

    At the beginning of this year Dh told his dad to get stuffed and he stopped talking and seeing him, he does talk to his mum sometimes.. Not a lot though.
    I have been made to feel extremely guilty by the InLaws that this was my fault.
    Even though Dh delt with this type of stuff all through his childhood, and was told many out of this world lies about his extended family, I still can't help but wonder if all this extra crap is just because he married me.

    I have made a massive effort to take DD over to there house for visits with out DH (as he refuses to go) so they can still see their grandchild.. I just block my ears to what they have to say, I try to ignore that fact they don't talk to me and just try and be as polite as possible i just tell myself that I'm only here so DD can see her grandparents and vise versa.
    However yesterday when I was over there something was said that has totally broken my heart.
    FIL said to me "If your going to be here every time we see Layla then it's just not worth it"
    I replied "She is your granddaughter how can you say it's not worth seeing her just because we don't get along"
    he replied "for as long as your her mother I couldn't care if we See the kid or not"
    I kept it together to avoid a big fight and just left..

    How could he say that about our dd
    I know if I just stop going over their then it will be "Rachell took *dhs name* away from us and now she took our grand daughter away.." or something along those lines.. And have a massive pity party and get sympathy from every one around them.

    I really don't know what I did wrong.. I have asked them and they always say "God had a different women picked for our son" Or "God tells me in prayer all the time your not right for him"
    I'm not a bad person, I'm extremely polite, I go out of my way to make them happy, I have never ever done any of the things they have accused me of and I just do not know where they get these ideas from.
    I honestly think they might have physiological problems with the things they say and make up, it's all just.. Unbelievable!

    It's causes a lot of troubles in our marriage, it's just a HUGE stress.
    I do not want my Daughter growing up with such negative talk like yesterday, But I also don't want her growing up not knowing her fathers family.
    I have really been struggling to cope with all this.
    I don't know why I care so much..

    They are my husbands parents and our DDs Grandparents which makes it hard for me to know how I should go about this.
    I have tried in the past telling them my thoughts and feelings etc.. Honestly it's like talking to brick walls.. They do not listen!! And will go on with their tangents.

    I see posts all the time On here about Inlaw drama.. So I know I'm not the only DIL that Has had to deal with extreme Inlaws.. But honestly They have to accept me at some point keep their opinions to their self? Right?
    Can this really go on forever?
    I feel like my marriage has 2 other people in it
    I want to enjoy my husband and our daughter and not spend my life upset and constantly angry over InLaw Crap.

    As a parent my Self it would break my heart into pieces if my child stopped talking to me
    I want it to end but fear it never will.
    With or with out them in our lives.
    dont have anything to.do with them again trust me... it will never change

    Sent from my GT-N7000 using BubHub

  10. #7
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    From what you have said, your DH doesn't talk to his father, rarely talks to his mother and refuses to visit them. There is your answer. If he doesn't want anything to do with them anymore, don't torture yourself anymore.

    They sound like horrible people. If they were my IL's, I wouldn't let them near my children. I think it's commendable you have tried to keep them in your DD's life, but if I was you, I would just stop. It doesn't sound like they bring anything positive to your lives and do you really want them and their attitudes/opinions around your DD?

    I bet if they weren't "family", you would have cut them out a long time ago. Just because they are family doesn't give them the right to treat you this way.

    I hope your DH has stood up for you with all their rubbish.

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  12. #8
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    This is serious emotional abuse. I would just completely both cut them out of your lives.

    You have done nothing wrong! Some people are just very messed up and there is no hope for them.

  13. #9
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    It won't get better, because it is not misunderstandings or just a clash of personalities which could be worked through, it's outright nastiness.

    Sometimes it's better to cut off some family if they aren't adding anything of value to your life, especially that of your daughter.

    I wouldn't take your DD to their house any more, especially if your DH won't do it, he's known them longer and knows it will do no good. You've done all you can to make peace, it doesn't matter what type of person you are or what you do, weigh, say etc, you will never be good enough and that is not your fault at all.

    If the God christians believe in does exist, I doubt very much he/she would waste their time talking to your in laws about how you aren't right for their son, or want anything to do with such venomous people. They sound like religious hypocrites to me.

  14. #10
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    missybubble is offline I'm a strange one, but I'm good at it :)
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    Wow, that's horrible You, your DH and DD don't need that in your lives!! That's emotional abuse. I can see how if you cut ties with them, they will blame you, but honestly, would you rather that or for this $hit to continue? I think your DH really needs to tell them to f off. Then move house, change phone numbers etc.


 

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