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  1. #11
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    May 2009
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    What age did you start with pocket money? I just wouldn't know what to reward her with. I don't like buying her toys during the year. If I did there would be nothing left over for birthdays and christmas lol. This will be a thinker. Maybe at the start of the week I can ask her what she would like her reward to be that week. So she has some say and control but with reason.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
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    I smack when it comes to safety, Eg, running on the road

    He gets put in his room if he bites or hits.

    I let a lot slide, but I threaten smacks a lot, or threaten to not let him do something

  3. #13
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Apr 2007
    Stressame Street
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jensha View Post
    What age did you start with pocket money? I just wouldn't know what to reward her with. I don't like buying her toys during the year. If I did there would be nothing left over for birthdays and christmas lol. This will be a thinker. Maybe at the start of the week I can ask her what she would like her reward to be that week. So she has some say and control but with reason.
    we still don't do pocket money (4.5yo). Dd1 in 3 Weeks earned enough to buy a princess mag at the checkout that she had been asking for ($5). That was 6 months ago and out of the 20 kids mags in the house it's the only one she's interested in it's not about the cost, you just gotta find something they want do if she says 'can you buy me this?' You can say earn it
    Last edited by Gothel; 02-06-2012 at 23:25.

  4. #14
    ToughLove's Avatar
    ToughLove is offline Meaner than a junkyard dog
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    Dec 2009
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    I am absolutely merciless with intentional swearing, disrespect, bullying, cruelty to animals and rudeness to others {especially harsh on disrespect and rudeness to elders}

    The singular time she told DH "You can't tell me what to do, you're just an idiot!" I rounded on her like an angry tiger. After she got the acid-tongue lecture on hurting other's feelings and being disrespectful to her family, she had to write a 'letter' of apology {a picture}, deliver it in person and apologise. Her pocket money was taken away for a week, her pet sugar gliders were removed to my room for an entire day and she didn't get any dessert.

    I do not tolerate disrespectful or mean behaviour; and never ever let it slide. I don't care if the entire supermarket is staring and shaking their heads at me; if she is rude to others in public she will get a stern lecture, and she will swallow her pride and embarrassment, and apologise to the one she hurt.
    As a result of this {I assume because of this} she's got great manners for a five year old and we don't hear any 'back-chat'.

    In saying that, we do fold with some things. Sometimes begging for a second bit of dessert works. You can't be strict all of the time, it destroys their self confidence.

    We also encourage debate {not arguing} for things that she wants. We think it's better than saying "Don't argue, just do what I say!". As an example:

    Me: "Go clean your play room, please"
    DD: "I don't want to"
    Me: "Why? Tell me why you shouldn't clean your play room up"
    DD: "Because I am very tired. I want to sleep, not clean"
    Me: "That's a good reason. I hate cleaning when I'm tired. Go to bed, you can do it after school tomorrow"

    If she can come up with a valid, reasonable excuse about why she should get a new toy, not have a bath, get more dessert, etc, I'll let her 'win'.
    She'll need to know calm debating skills as an adult, better to develop a sense of fairness early.

    We do give pocket money, but she has to earn it. We have a list of chores, she has the choice of whether or not she wants to do them. If she does them, she gets money for her own to spend or save. If she doesn't, no money.
    Every time she wants to buy something, I remind her that if she saves, she can buy something bigger. If it's a big ticket item, I give $1 for every $2 she saves. She bought her first bike like this {although I secretly threw in $5 or $10 every so often }

    We also reward the lack of a bribe more than we bribe. At the end of the shopping/event/day; I might give her a small lolly and tell her that she acted like such a good girl, she gets a treat. I always stress exactly what I'm rewarding as well, being polite, waiting quietly in line, not scuffing her shoes on the carpet, putting the basket back in the stack.

    Yeah, we're strict with certain things. But we think it's making her a better person now, and shaping her to be a better adult.

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    BluePixie  (03-06-2012)

  6. #15
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Like a lot of PP we often use a reward type system to earn a reward, particularly with my 6yo son, who is going through a particularly difficult phase (please let it be a phase!). He usually chooses the reward, and makes the reward chart - a piece of paper that he draws squares on, and a picture of the reward. I have never given the option of something from the shop, so usually he chooses something that we can do together, like go out for lunch (which we would do anyway probably) or to bake a cake together. He puts a lot of effort into trying to earn ticks. He also likes to earn money for jobs around the house, for example yesterday he cleaned the guinea pig cage and today cleaned the ash out of the fireplace..having a system like this gives him a sense of accomplishment, and he is saving for a DS...

    My daughter on the other hand (8yo) is not money motivated at all...but like to do things to please us, so a bit of encouragement and she will usually get things done. As Dr Phil says, you need to find their currency!

    My hubby and I sometimes disagree on my discipline, he feels I let too much slide...but I get mighty sick of being on their case all day and feeling so negative all the time, so I do now pick my battles.


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