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  1. #1
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    Default PND guilt

    My DS is having troubles at school and we are having him assessed. His teacher asked my if anything happen during his early years and I said that I had PND. Ever since she consistently make little comments to me like "My son was difficult growing up but of course I wasn't ill like you were". I spent way too long not getting help because I didn't want to be judged like that for having PND. When I finally got help it seemed like it was common and so therefore not judged. That's why when she asked I didn't think much of telling her. But now I regret it because she is making me feel like she is looking at me exactly how I feared people would look at me. Does this make sense?

  2. #2
    MuminMind's Avatar
    MuminMind is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Helpful Member, Member I'd Most Like To Meet, Most Community Minded Thread, Best Potential Moderator and Newbie of the Year Awards
    BH Advocate - PND & AND
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    Hi there, Hedda! (Are you Scandinavian like me? -Your name sure is!)

    I'm really sorry to hear that you now have regrets about being honest and brave enough to mention your PND. I have experienced PND too, but do not have school age children yet. I think it a PND "survivor's" worst fear; that her illness have created long-term effects on her child/ren. If untreated symptoms of PND lingers for many years, PND *can* cause long-term effects, but most children are very resilient. It is difficult to assess whether your son's issues are somehow related, but if they are, I would think they would be to a very minimal extent and that the there might be a combination of factors involved. (factors that you might have no or little control over)

    It is very difficult for me to know what tone the teacher's comments were delivered, but could it be that she was trying to tell you that she could relate, by saying that her son was "difficult" too? And that she added that "of course I wasn't unwell like you" to ensure that she didn't seem like she was minimising your painful PND experience? Or do you think she was genuinely blaming you?

    I hope it is ok that I ask a few questions, of you do not feel comfortable answering, that is understandable. How long were you experiencing PND for, and how old were your DS when you were diagnosed/recovered? And how are your relationship today?

    You sound like a very honest, loving and concerned mum, and I wish you all the best with your DS.

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    MamaC  (06-06-2012)

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    Hey MuminMind. Hedda comes from the nickname my parents used to call me, heddypeddy.

    The teacher has referred to my PND on a number of occasions now as being the cause of my sons behaviour in her opinion. That one was just the most blunt. But I take on board what you are saying she could have meant. I think she is puzzled by DS and looking for a reason, which is not really her job but I see why she is doing it anyway.

    DS was 3 when I had PND. I went untreated for a year and then got medication in the second year when he was 4. We have a lovely relationship now. He is a challenging child but has so many beautiful qualities. It's just a shame they are not seeing them at school at the moment

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    I think what this woman is doing is ignorant and mean.

    I recently asked a child psychologist if my daughter's sensory processing issues were my fault because of my pnd and she assured me that there is absolutely no research outcomes to support that theory. She told me that unless I was psychotic and abusing my children then my pnd was unlikely to cause any significant behavioral changes
    as I said previously, she sounds ignorant. I would pull her up on her behaviour next time she does it - you deserve respect for bring so open about your experience, not judgement

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    MuminMind  (07-06-2012)

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    Yep MamaC I have asked both the psychologist and the pediatrician if that could be the cause and they both said no. They said even if I was abusive (which I wasn't) there are children who have been abused that don't present with those behaviours.

    I want to think the best of the teacher but if she sticks to her theory that its my fault then the expectation falls on me to fix it. She scoffed when I said all the specialists are asking why hasn't the school done anything as she said it's not a school problem, he was behaving like this before he got to school.

    As it is I will take him anywhere and everywhere to make his life easier. I just worry about when all these specialists talk to the school and tell them their responsibilities what the reaction will be.


 

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