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  1. #1
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    Default Another MIL rant....

    So my mil wants to have the kids for the July holidays but after today I just don't know if I can do it she has a wood fire in the lounge and has the kettle boiling on it and I pointed out that it was dangerous but she said the fire is hot they will keep away. It is an enclosed wood stove but the kids can still walk to the side of it and pull the hot water down on themselves. I then tried to talk about the kids I had seen in the burns unit at my work but she started to talk about when her kids( my dh and his sisters) were in hospital, I said it's not exactly like being in there with a child with burns now is it. Now dinner is cooking and twice I have turned the handles of the pots on the wood fire around so they are not just sticking out for the kids to grab and all I can think about it what about when I am not here to watch them. My 2 yr old was left in the ute with the keys and went to play with them and then they left her and her sister in the tractor to play about while doing something to the bucket,all I could see was the farm safe advert and everything that was so wrong. I already worry like hell when the kids are away from me but now it's 3 times as much worry as my pil just won't take the steps to practice safety around the kids and I feel the only thing I can do is not allow the kids to stay without me being there. What would you do and is there any other way I can get thru to them without starting a huge argument?

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    Yikes!!

    I wouldn't be leaving my kids with her with that attitude. Surely their safety should be paramount.

    I think you'll have to talk to her...I don't know what other option you have.

  3. #3
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    I feel your pain. My in laws live in a two storey house where you enter from the front is actually the second floor and then the stairs lead down. We asked them over and over again to put a gate on the stairs when DD came over for 'grandma day' once a week. The same thing with putting a lock on their kitchen cupboard under the sink with all the chemicals in it. Thy just kept saying 'oh she doesnt go near the stairs or the cupboard and we watch her the whole time'. Really, you never have to go I the toilet or answer the phone or get sidetracked for the 10 seconds it would take DD to fall down a flight of stairs? In the end DH told them no more grandma day until you show you care about DDs safety. It caused a huge fight but in the end they put a gate on the stairs and a lock on the cupboard.

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    I wouldn't leave the kids there. Its unlikely but you'd never forgive her or yourself if they were injured.

    I'd never leave my kids with my mum. She's too distracted. Not until they are old enough to be sensible and safe. Like 7 or 10 maybe

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    Agree with pp I just wouldn't leave my kids there. Does your DH agree with you about the safety issues? It might be easier for him to discuss it with them?
    DS hasn't started at my mum's for ages because they just wont put a gate in front of the stairs. I bought it for them and everything.
    I think it's too easy to get distracted for a split second. I know I can't be completely focused on DS all the time.

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

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    I can see it ending in a fight but I just can't bear to think if one of the kids got hurt, when she was looking after 2 of them hem I was having my 3 rd she suggested taking the kids in her car and I said what about car seats " oh it's only a short distance" :O so I got out of hospital quick and drove them myself. Arg have to go and do dishes otherwise I am gonna get a glare you know womens work while the men can sit not their bums , pity she doesn't take child safety as serious as she does her womanly duties

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    I think the older generation are often guilty of being a bit too laid back when it comes to safety, that 'she'll be right' attitude.

    I don't envy you having to tell her the kids aren't going to be staying at her house, but I think it's for the best.

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    I agree.. It could end in a fight.
    But at the end of the day your children's safety is more important than avoiding a fight with the inlaws.

    FIL and MIL have an open home gym at their house.. I went to the toilet, came back out, Miss 16mo was gone, she was in the gym on the treadmill trying to press the buttons
    FIL and MIL seemed to think it was funny?
    They live on property and have issues with mice and rats.. One time Dh took her over there so we could have some time to ourselves. I got a phone call a few hours later to say that dd was being taken down to a medical centre because she got her hand caught in a mouse trap

    I now have said dd isn't allowed over their until they make it more safe and keep a closer eye on her.
    They are more than welcome to come over here.

    It ended in a fight.. we haven't spoken to them in about 3 month now
    We still see BIL and he is great with our daughter.. But MIL and FIL still carry in about us to BIL.

    I do get upset that we're not on good terms with them.
    But I just remember back to that day dd had her hand caught in that mouse trap and the damage it did to her hand and i then feel extremely confident in my decision.

    Good luck.

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  11. #9
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    Dh will be talking to them ,he uses a bit more tact than me.I know mil and she would do anything for the kids but she also cannot help but tell me what she does like last time they stayed with her one of the kids spewed in their car seat so she took the child out and put her in the front seat. I said they do it all the time and just leave them in the seat till they get home if it happens but she went on about needing to have dd out of the seat because it was covered in vomit. Dh told her straight out last time that she was to only drive with the kids in the car seats. My own parents are at least honest and said they are happy to babysit when the kids are older as they don't want the responsibility which sort of saddens me but it is true they would be hopeless with my kids.
    Just wish MIL would take it more seriously as the kids do love spending time on the farm but maybe for now it will only be with me or dh till they are old enough to fend for themselves. * big sigh* wish things didn't have to be so complicated.

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    I don't think you can tell them honestly how you feel without an arguement or at least hurting their feelings. No one will ever do as good a job as you at keeping a look out for them, or see the risks that you see. But you need to be comfortable that they will be safe, and if you are not, then keep them with you.

    I know at my parents farm my kids do things that are not safe. Like ride in the ute to the farm next door without seatbelts on the front seat (they were 3 and 1), ride in the tractor, play outside without supervision so could wander off, chemicals everywhere, wood fire etc.

    But I am at the point where I need a break so badly that I am willing to overlook those risks. Obviously would be devasted never forgive myself if something happened. But to me the benefits of that holiday outweigh the risks.


 

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