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  1. #11
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    I reckon in time he could easily become a part of your family.

    I count "my little family," as DP, DD and myself. They may not be father and daughter, but they still have their own little relationship that is special to them. DP feels protective of DD... I suppose as an Uncle might of his neice. Not the same as if she were his own child, but he's lived with her since she was 3... and she's nearly 7 now.

    There are times when I go out and just leave her with him, or he'll be like, "I'm going to the tip, want to come?" (What is it with kids loving the tip? lol) and just take her out. He even took her to the chiro with him (I dunno why) when I was quite able to have her at home with me... so they have their own little relationship. A lot of is it based on teasing and mucking around... but there is discipline there too. He won't put up with her crap, but sometimes he'll even "side" with her when I'm in a bad mood and he realises that she won't have to do much to tick me off... he'll be silly with her and keep her happy and occupied so I don't crack it.

    He went out and just randomly purchased her a new bed a while ago - a big expensive one (one of those ones with a desk underneath). I would have gotten her a cheap $200 frame... but nope. So I mean, that's a lovely, unexpected thing he did... and something that made me feel very grateful about. It means she matters to him.

    It takes time, but I think Benji and her partner have a "little family," too from what I've read... there's no reason why your new partner (or any long-term partner in future) can't be a part of your family. Not all families are simply biological parents and their children... families come in all shapes and sizes.

    I think people would know DP wasn't DD's father if they weren't told.

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  3. #12
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    I dont consider myself a single parent anymore... DP and i live together, our finances are combined, and he does help parent DD in every sense of the word. Like a pp said, if we have parenting disagreements we talk away feom DD just like i still do with DD father when i dont like the way he has approached an issue. DDs father is still very much in her life, but i dont think that diminishes DPs role, and vice versa. DD is just lucky to have two awesome men as role models in her life

    FTR.. Just because DP doesnt have any kids (yet, we have one due in about 3 weeks!) doesnt make him any less of a parent... He is better than me at some stuff just through personality alone :P haha

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bunnyhugs View Post
    It's a LONG way off but this is definitely something I'm worried about.

    We've discussed it and he is thinking of moving to my town so we're closer but he would get his own place, not move straight in but eventually it would happen.

    I worry about the kids resenting him. I worry about them not liking him. I'm really worried about being dependent upon another man again.
    How old are the kids?

    My DS was only 2 yo when I started dating DP and they took to each other instantly. DS is 6 now and he still adores him.

    I'd have to say the financial thing was the hardest for me. I wouldn't change anything because I love DP more than anything but geez it's hard losing everything and them having to pay for it all. I think you really have to be 100000% sure it's the right thing to do.

  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    How old are the kids?

    My DS was only 2 yo when I started dating DP and they took to each other instantly. DS is 6 now and he still adores him.

    I'd have to say the financial thing was the hardest for me. I wouldn't change anything because I love DP more than anything but geez it's hard losing everything and them having to pay for it all. I think you really have to be 100000% sure it's the right thing to do.
    The kids are 6 and 2. I'm nearly 30 and bf just turned 27.

    2yo is all about Daddy at the moment. He wasn't old enough when we separated to realise that he sees more of Daddy now that we're separated than he ever did while we were together. 6yo understands though and tells me regularly that he sees more of Dad now than he ever did before. I think he thinks that's great.

    I'm looking after a friend's little boy for a few hours next weekend and I've told bf that I'll be 'testing him out on someone else's child before my own' LOL.

    It's all new territory. The court case has been dropped by my ex now so I feel like I can actually start to think about this stuff and moving forward with bf.

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    Even if the 2-year-old is all about Daddy right now, he's probably too little to see your bf as a threat to his father, so it probably won't matter too much. So long as the new partner doesn't try and take over their father's role and push their father aside, HOPEFULLY they will be okay with it all when the time does come.


 

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