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    Default When are you no longer a 'single' parent?

    So as the title suggests, in your opinion - when are you no longer a 'single parent'?

    My husband and I have separated, and I will be applying for divorce ASAP. I have been seeing someone for a little over 6 months but he lives 6 hours away and hasn't met my kids yet.

    I call this person my boyfriend, so I guess technically I'm in a relationship but I am still very much a single parent as I'm doing all the parenting on my own (as I was even before I left my husband).

    So what's your opinion on it all?

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    I considered myself a single parent until I moved in with DP. I didn't feel like a single person because I wasn't open to dating others and was loyal to him but my finances were completely separate and I was still parenting alone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bunnyhugs View Post
    So as the title suggests, in your opinion - when are you no longer a 'single parent'?

    My husband and I have separated, and I will be applying for divorce ASAP. I have been seeing someone for a little over 6 months but he lives 6 hours away and hasn't met my kids yet.

    I call this person my boyfriend, so I guess technically I'm in a relationship but I am still very much a single parent as I'm doing all the parenting on my own (as I was even before I left my husband).

    So what's your opinion on it all?
    I have a partner (i dont think boyfriend suits when he's 32!!) that i have been seeing for 6 months taking it slow. He has met my DS, we are in a relationship together but i will still consider myself a single parent.

    I think i would stop being a single parent if we were to move in together.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I considered myself a single parent until I moved in with DP. I didn't feel like a single person because I wasn't open to dating others and was loyal to him but my finances were completely separate and I was still parenting alone.
    Pretty much this.

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    are you always a single parent though? I mean, is it hard to accept your partner 'parenting' your kids?

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    You're not a single person, but you're still a single parent.

    Even after I moved in with DP, I didn't consider myself anything other than a single parent (thought for Centrelink purposes I had to be known as a partnered parent). All the parenting was still up to me in the early days though... it wasn't like getting an automatic "dad" for my daughter.

    I now don't consider myself a single parent... but it took until he took on a good share of responsibility before I thought myself as that.

    ETA - in response to your most recent post OP, it can be hard, but it can also be a relief. I am glad I have someone to help. It takes time and it happens slowly... I think if DP did what he does for DD now the moment we moved in together, I'd not have been happy at all. But 4 years of living together, he's been in DD's life longer than he's NOT been in it... and her own father is absent (his choice) and has been for most of those 4 years, so it's nice to have someone to help.

    Of course sometimes I think he's being too harsh or whatever, but I just talk about it when she's not around, as I would if he really was her father.
    Last edited by SassyMummy; 01-06-2012 at 11:38.

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    I will always be a single parent to dd. I may re-partner but that's doesn't automatically make that person dd's dad or anything. He may take on a father role but I'd still be a single mum.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bunnyhugs View Post
    are you always a single parent though? I mean, is it hard to accept your partner 'parenting' your kids?
    It's hard, but to an extent we have to. I'm still responsible for most decisions/discipline when it comes to DS but it's still DP's house too so he has to be treated with respect by DS so he has every right to discipline him if he's getting annoying/rude toward him.

    I keep DP out of mine and XDP's 'issues' as much as possible so as not to upset or burden him with any stress.

    And there's really very little choice once you move in and you lose your benefits, you have to pretty much force somebody who was a bachelor into being financially responsible for a woman with child. Even though I worked full-time, this still happened because I lost FTB, child care fees tripled etc.

    Sadly, there is little we can do about it.

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    That's what I thought Sass. It's really hard for me to imagine because eventhough I was married to their dad (and still am I guess LOL), he was never around so it was me doing the parenting ALL THE TIME. Well, majority of the time anyway.

    So when we separated, life didn't change that much for me. If anything it got easier.

    My bf is wonderful and treats me better than anyone else I've ever been with. He's just amazing, helpful, caring etc etc. He doesn't have any children though and while he assures me that he's 'great with kids' I'm just really hesitant to introduce someone new into my kids' lives until I'm sure they're going to be around for a while.

    Given he lives so far away though, it'll still be just me and the kids primarily for a long time regardless. But my mum made a comment only a week or two ago that it'll always just be me and the kids, even if I do end up with someone else because that person will never really be a part of our little family. It really made me think.

    All very confusing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post

    And there's really very little choice once you move in and you lose your benefits, you have to pretty much force somebody who was a bachelor into being financially responsible for a woman with child. Even though I worked full-time, this still happened because I lost FTB, child care fees tripled etc.

    Sadly, there is little we can do about it.
    It's a LONG way off but this is definitely something I'm worried about.

    We've discussed it and he is thinking of moving to my town so we're closer but he would get his own place, not move straight in but eventually it would happen.

    I worry about the kids resenting him. I worry about them not liking him. I'm really worried about being dependent upon another man again.


 

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