Letting kids fail?

[Little-Pink-Hen]

Good on you WCM!! Your brave!

I would like to say I could but dd and I are both very stubborn so I know I have many battles a head of me as the gets older as its difficult now having battles with a 2yr old

But I'm also a firm believer of self reliant children. I believe shelf help skills should be encouraged and supported as young as you can. My mum thinks I'm a big slackie for making dd change her self out of her wet pants, put them in the hamper and get clean ones out of draw and put them back on if she has had an accident etc she says she is still a baby I insist she is soon a preschooler and needs to learn to undress and dress herself sooner or later and most times she can without assistance (even if pants go on back to front) I much rather celebrate her achievement of getting her socks and shoes on the right feet than help her.

[SassyMummy]

Sure.

I got a mini tsk tsk from the teacher for DD not handing in her homework.

The way I see it, I tell DD to do her homework... whether she does or not, and whether she actually brings it in, is up to her. She usually DOES the homework, she just sucks at actually taking it in to be marked. I honestly don't see it as my issue - it's not my homework, and I'm not going to be running around after DD all her life over stuff like that.

I run about after her in regards to making sure she's dressed warmly enough, making sure she's eaten, etc... but I won't be chasing her about nagging about homework. If she doesn't take it in, her teacher can tell her off and she can learn from that.

I think what you did was fine, and the teacher should have spoken to your daughter rather than you.

[Ffrenchknickers]

Yes, though it is hard. I let Ds1 hand in an assignment last year that he had just coped and pasted irrelevant information off the internet for. It was SO hard not to fix it up for him but we gave him plenty of warnings to fix it and he didn;t. I ore warned to the teacher as to what he was handing in though, lol.

[JaneDoe]

Sure.

I got a mini tsk tsk from the teacher for DD not handing in her homework.

The way I see it, I tell DD to do her homework... whether she does or not, and whether she actually brings it in, is up to her. She usually DOES the homework, she just sucks at actually taking it in to be marked. I honestly don't see it as my issue - it's not my homework, and I'm not going to be running around after DD all her life over stuff like that.

I run about after her in regards to making sure she's dressed warmly enough, making sure she's eaten, etc... but I won't be chasing her about nagging about homework. If she doesn't take it in, her teacher can tell her off and she can learn from that.

I think what you did was fine, and the teacher should have spoken to your daughter rather than you.

I normally agree with you Sassy but your DD is the same age as my DS and I dunno what your homework tasks are like but the majority of my DSs requiee parent involvement - if I told him to 'just do it' he would never get it done, I would def use this approach when older but at 6 I think it's too much of an expectation IMO

[Janesmum123]

Yep everyone fails sometimes and the earlier they learn the better. (age appropriate)
DD has gone to school without her homework after I told her to pack her bag and check that everything is in there then to get out of it at school she blamed me and said I didn't pack her bag . The teacher gave it to her..lol good!
She is 9 and needs to learn responsibility.
She also has a place that DS cant get to where she puts all her school things, pencils and anything else she holds dear. I cant even count the amount of times she has left things lying around for DS to rip up. I just say 'oh well you have your private place to put things away if you are too lazy to do it then don't blame a 2 year old or me.'
She is a good kid most of the time but I'm not going to hover around a 9 yr old to make sure the precious princess has her bag packed because she is too busy watching TV.
You live you learn. Sometimes Im surprised at the over inflated egos of her friends, their parents are not their slaves, the world does not revolve around them. But hey if the parents allow it you cant really balme the kids.

[SassyMummy]

I normally agree with you Sassy but your DD is the same age as my DS and I dunno what your homework tasks are like but the majority of my DSs requiee parent involvement - if I told him to 'just do it' he would never get it done, I would def use this approach when older but at 6 I think it's too much of an expectation IMO

She's a nerd and does advanced stuff. She's more than welcome to come ask me for help if she needs it (and she does), but it's not my responsiblity, IMO, to make sure she hands it in. I tell her to put it in her bag... if she doesn't listen, that's her own problem.

(But then, DD is quite sucky at making decisions for herself and this is something I was encouraged to do when we saw a paed earlier in the year about suspected ASD).

[delirium]

As others said, I'm a bit unable to let go. I well and truly over parent .. my parents very much expected me to be a grown up when I was a kid which is different to what you are describing but I have a bit of a fear of being that kind of mum.. tbh I would probably like to wrap my children on bubble wrap, as much as I know that wouldn't be good for them socially lol

Sent from my HTC Desire S using BubHub

Sounds we parent very similar for the same reasons

[Zombie_eyes]

In my situation i simply can't, not at 7 anyways, he is a couple of years behind developmentally, failure due his own forgetfullness or stubborness leads to major anxiety and refusal to attempt things again (permanently)

He has forgotten to hand in his homework a couple of times, despite me telling him So manyyy times to put it in his bag, visual checklists etc and it takes a whole weekend to recover emotionally from it.

We are working on this through gentle sabotage efforts in therapies tho, because obviously he cant lose the plot over a failure when he is a 20 year old man


If i had a neuro typical child. Id do the exact same thing as you OP, there is a tough nut lesson teaching parent in me busting to come out lolol

[SuperGranny]

I had four children to raise. They learnt very quickly that I was not their slave, and I was not responsible for their entire lives. I never looked for dirty clothes to wash, I checked school bags maybe once a term. I did make their lunches, but I didnt put it into the bags. When they were little I did what I had to do, but as they grew, so did their responsibilities. I totally believe in natural consequences. Marie.